世上最搞笑的英语笑话.docx

世上最搞笑的英语笑话世上最搞笑的英语笑话WhosMorePolite?Afatmanandaskinnymanwerearguingaboutwhowasthemorepolite.Theskinnymansaidhewasmorepolitebecausehealwaystippedhishattoladies.Butthefatmanknewhewasmorecourteousbecause,wheneverhegotupandofferedhisseat,twoladiescouldsitdown.谁更有礼貌?一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子讲他更有礼貌，由于他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子以为他更有风度，由于无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。ExpensivePriceDentist:Imsorry,madam,butIllhavetochargeyoutwenty-fivedollarsforpullingyoursonstooth.Mother:Twenty-fivedollars!ButIthoughtyouonlychargedfivedollarsforanextraction.Dentist:Iusuallydo.Butyoursonyelledsoloud,hescaredfourotherpatientsoutoftheoffice.昂贵的代价牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了LetDoginHotelAmanwrotealettertoasmallhotelheplannedtovisitonhisvacation:Iwouldverymuchliketobringmydogwithme.Heiswell-groomedandverywellbehaved.Wouldyoubewillingtopermitmetokeephiminmyroomwithmeatnight?Animmediatereplycamefromthehotelowner,whosaid,Ivebeenoperatingthishotelformanyyears.Inallthattime,Iveneverhadadogstealtowels,bedclothes,silverwareorpicturesoffthewalls.Iveneverhadtoevictadoginthemiddleofthenightforbeingdrunkanddisorderly.AndIveneverhadadogrunoutonahotelbill.Yes,indeed,yourdogiswelcomeatmyhotel.And,ifyourdogwillvouchforyou,yourewelcometostayhere,too.一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?旅馆主人立即回了封信，我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜由于狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，假如它为您担保，也欢迎您来。IntelligentsonOneday,thefatherletseightyear-oldsonsendaletter,thesontooktheletter,thefatherthenremembereddidntwritetheaddressandaddresseesnameontheenvelope.Afterthesoncomesback,thefatheraskshim:Youhavethrowntheletterinthemailbox?CertainlyYouhavenotseenontheenvelopenottowritetheaddressandtheaddresseename?Icertainlysawnothingwrittenontheenvelope.Thenwhyyoudidnttakeitback?Ialsothoughtthatyoudonotwritetheaddressandtheaddressee,isfordoesnotwanttoletmeknowthatyoudosendthelettertowho!聪明的儿子有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。儿子回来后,父亲问他:你把信丢进邮筒了吗?当然你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?我当然看见信封上什么也没写那你为什么不拿回来呢?我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!PutyourfeetinTheschoolgirlwassittingwithherfeetstrechedfaroutintotheaisle,andwasbusilychewinggum,whentheteacherespiedher.Mary!calledtheteachersharply.Yes,Madam?questionedthepupil,Takethatgumoutofyourmouthandputyourfeetin!把脚放进去一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被教师发现了。玛丽!教师严厉地叫她。什么事，教师?这女学生问。把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。IWasntAsleepWhenagroupofwomengotonthecar,everyseatwasalreadyoccupied.Theconductornoticedamanwhoseemedtobeasleep,andfearinghemightmisshisstop,henudgedhimandsaid:Wakeup,sir!Iwasntasleep,themananswered.Notasleep?Butyouhadyoureyesclosed.Iknow.Ijusthatetolookatladiesstandingupbesidemeinacrowdedcar.我没有睡着当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担忧这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，讲：先生，醒醒!我没有睡着。那个男人回答。没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边罢了。ThepoorhusbandYoucantimaginehowdifficultitisformetodealwithmywife,themancomplainedtohisfriend.Sheasksmeaquestion,thenanswersitherself,andafterthatsheexplainedtomeforhalfanhourwhymyansweriswrong.可怜的丈夫你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，一个男人对他的朋友诉苦讲，她问我一个问题，然后本人回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。Whereisthefather?Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.Look,saidtheelderbrother.Hownicethesepaintingsare!Yes,saidtheyounger,butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures.父亲在哪儿?兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。看，哥哥讲，这些画多漂亮呀!是啊，弟弟讲道，可是在所有这些画中，只要妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。Doesthedogknowtheproverb,too?Thelittleboydidnotlikethelookofthebarkingdog.Itsallright,saidagentleman,dontbeafraid.Dontyouknowtheproverb:Barkingdogsdontbite?Ah,yes,answeredthelittleboy.Iknowtheproverb,butdoesthedogknowtheproverb,too?狗也知道这个谚语吗?一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。没有关系，一位先生讲，不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?Canwehaveourteacherback?Onceasuperintendentofschoolswasvisitingathree-roomschool.Oneroomwasverynoisy,sothemangrabbedatallboywhohadbeenstandinguptalking.Hetooktheboyintoanotherroomandstoodhiminthecorner.Fiveminuteslater,asmalllboycameoutofthefirstroomandsaid,Whencanwehaveourteacherback?能让我们的教师回去吗?有一次，一位督学去视察一个只要三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因而督学捉住其中一个正在站着讲话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，您什么时候能让我们的教师回去呢?世上最搞笑的英语笑话WhosMorePolite?Afatmanandaskinnymanwerearguingaboutwhowasthemorepolite.Theskinnymansaidhewasmorepolitebecausehealwaystippedhishattoladies.Butthefatmanknewhewasmorecourteousbeca推荐度：