2017年度06浙江续写作文写作讲评.ppt

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个 完整的故事。 On a bright, warm July afternoon, Mac Hollan, a primary school teacher, was cycling from his home to Alaska with his friends. One of his friends had stopped to make a bicycle repair, but they had encouraged Mac to carry on, and they would catch up with him soon. As Mac pedaled ( 骑行) along alone, he thought fondly of his wife and two young daughters at home. He hoped to show them this beautiful place someday. Then Mac heard quick and loud breathing behind him. “Man, thats a big dog! he thought. But when he looked to the side, he sawinstantly that it wasnt a dog at all, but a wolf quickly catching up with him.,Macs heart jumped. He found out his can of bear spray. With one hand on the bars, he fired the spray at the wolf. A bright red cloud enveloped the animal, and to Macs relief, it fell back, shaking its head. But a minute later, it was by his side again. Then it attacked the back of Macs bike, tearing open his tent hag. He fired at the wolf a second time, and again, it fell back only to quickly restart the chase（追赶). Mac was pedaling hard now. He waved and yelled at passing carsbut was careful not to show down. He saw a steep uphill climb before him. He knew that once he hit the hill, hed be easy caught up and the wolfs teeth would be tearing into his flesh. At this moment, Paul and Becky were driving their car on theirway to Alaska. They didnt think much of it when,they saw twocyclists repairing their bike on the side of the road. A bit later,they spotted what they, too, assumed was a dog running alongside a man on a bike. As they got closer, they realized that the dog was a wolf. Mac heard a large vehicle behind him. He pulled in front of it as the wolf was catching up fast, just a dozen yards away now. 注意： 1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右； 2. 应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语； 3. 续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好； 4. 续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。 Para1: The car abruptly stopped in front of him. Para2: A few minutes later, the other two cyclists arrived.,评分标准,1 与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度 2 内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语的 应用情况 3 应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性 4 上下文的连贯性,Narration（记叙文） Argumentation （议论文） C. Exposition （说明文）,Writing style,who: Mac his friends Paul and Becky when: on a bright, warm July afternoon where :from his home to Alaska what: took a trip and adventured why: enjoyed the life,a story (when, where, who, what, how),审体裁：记叙文 审时态：一般过去时 审前文大意以及要点,what: heard, saw, fount out, fired, fired again, pedal hard, waved and yelled heard，pulled a story: beginning; development; ending,结伴骑行-独自遇狼-,奋力逃生,逃出，感受,The provided beginnings,Para 1: The car abruptly stopped in front of him. Para 2: A few minutes later, the other two cyclists arrived.,结伴骑行-独自遇狼- Para 1：The car abruptly stopped in front of him. Whose car was it ? Why did it stop? How did Mac feel ? What would Mac do ? Para 2：A few minutes later, the other two cyclists arrived. What did they see? What would they do?,卷面； 段落，字数； 衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间） 故事发展 准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,改卷经验,出现的问题,衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间） 故事发展 准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,出现的问题,衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间） 故事发展,童话式的 寓言式的 无厘头式的 戏剧式的,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,1 afraid; nervous; frightened 2 catch, catch up, catch up with 3 “Get into the car quickly, man!” said Paul. 4 发动汽车 5 狼追我们 6汽油不够 7 自行车上跳下 8 call ?/ call for? the police,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,He saw the wolfs face near him. He used his fist hit the face of the wolf strongly. Seeing the wolfs face so close to him, he hit it with all his strength/ heavily using his fist.,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,基本语法错误 不规则动词（P106） though/but dangerous/ in danger thanks to/ thanks,出现的问题,准确性（用词；句子结构；语法； 符合情景否？）,1 “Hey, friend! Calm down! Jump out of your bicycle and get into our car!” shouted Paul. 2 A few minutes later, the police arrived. 3 妻子带着孩子过来了。 4 送医院去了。 5 骑自行车一会儿就到家了。,描写恐惧 Though he was safe, he still felt the dread stopping the passage of air to his lung, with his legs trembling. At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I felt so scared that my throat tightened and my knees felt weak. At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I froze with terror, too scared to move an inch. At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I was seized by a strong sense of horror and my palms were sweating. It was really a moment of life and death. Sitting in the car, he still felt his heart beating wildly. He sat there, too frightened to utter a word.,描写恐惧 He sat there with his hands trembling for quite a while. He sat there, all wet through because of the extreme fright. He sat there, his face totally pale.,