【公开课课件】Tess读后续写解析.pptx

Tess读后续写解析读后续写解析Tess was a five-year-old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother,Andrew.All she knew was that he was very sick and they didnt have money for the doctors bills.Only a very costly operation could save him.She heard Daddy say to Mommy sadly,“Only a miracle(奇迹)can save him now.”Tess went to her bedroom and pulled out her piggy bank.She poured all the change out and counted it carefully.No chance here for mistakes.Carefully placing the coins back,she secretly went out the back door and ran to the drugstore in a corner.She waited patiently for the chemist to give her some attention but he was too busy.So she took a quarter from her piggy bank and hit it hard on the counter.That did it!“And what do you want?”the chemist asked in an angry voice.“Im talking to my brother from Chicago whom I havent seen in ages.”“Well,I want to talk to you about my brother.Hes really,really sick.and I want to buy a miracle.”Tess replied.“I beg your pardon?”said the chemist.“My brother has something bad growing inside his head and Daddy says only a miracle can save him now.So how much does a miracle cost?”“We dont sell miracles here.Im sorry but I cant help you,”the chemist said,softening a little.“Listen,I have the money to pay for it.If it isnt enough,I will get the rest.Just tell me how much it costs.”The chemists brother was a well-dressed man.He came over and asked Tess,“What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”“I dont know,”Tess replied with her eyes welling up.“I just know hes really sick and needs an operation.But my Daddy cant pay for it,so I want to use my money.”“How much do you have?”asked the well-dressed man.“One dollar and eleven cents,”Tess answered in a low voice.读后续读后续写，首先是读！写，首先是读！文本结构分析文本结构分析阅读最阅读最重要的一重要的一步：分析全文结构步：分析全文结构。读后续写主要以故事类文本为主，所有的故事都离不开六读后续写主要以故事类文本为主，所有的故事都离不开六要素：要素：“who,when,where,what,how,why”who,when,where,what,how,why”。这才是。这才是故事的真正结构。故事的真正结构。六要素六要素内内 容容whoTess,her little brother,her parents,the chemist,a well-dressed manwhatTess的弟弟生病了，父母没钱为他医治，只能祈祷奇迹发生。Tess偷听到了，想用自己的零花钱去药店买能救弟弟的药（a miracle）。在药店里，她遇到了一位衣着光鲜的先生。whenTess五岁的时候whereAt home,in the drug storewhyWhy did Tess say she wanted to buy a“miracle”?Why did the well-dressed man ask Tess the questions?how记叙文的how，应该主要写两个方面：1.How did people do something?2.How did people feel about something?文文本本结结构构分分析析原文原文Tess的弟弟生病了，父母没钱为他医治，只能祈祷奇迹的弟弟生病了，父母没钱为他医治，只能祈祷奇迹发生。发生。Tess偷听到了，想用自己的零花钱去药店买能救偷听到了，想用自己的零花钱去药店买能救弟弟的药（弟弟的药（a miracle）。在药店里，她遇到了一位衣着）。在药店里，她遇到了一位衣着光鲜的先生。光鲜的先生。Para 1“Well,what a coincidence（巧合）,”smiled the man.Para 2The operation was completed for free.文本结构分析文本结构分析情节是故事生命力所在，不论一个故事辞藻多么华丽，情节是故事生命力所在，不论一个故事辞藻多么华丽，没有精妙的情节安排，词汇都成了一纸空壳。为了写没有精妙的情节安排，词汇都成了一纸空壳。为了写出符合故事发展的出符合故事发展的“尾巴尾巴”，就，就必须根据每段所给的必须根据每段所给的首句，以首句，以Q-A（提问（提问回答）模式回答）模式推测推测最符合逻辑最符合逻辑的的情节发展方向情节发展方向。可能性可能性：1）巧了，我是医生，可以给你弟弟治病；）巧了，我是医生，可以给你弟弟治病；2）巧了，我有）巧了，我有miracle可卖；可卖；3）巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份）巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份miracle。逻辑上都对，逻辑上都对，哪一种更好？哪一种更好？1、这位先生为什么说、这位先生为什么说“巧合巧合”？“巧合巧合”的是什么？的是什么？2、根据第二段首句、根据第二段首句The operation was completed for free.，可知第一段必定要写到关于手术的安排。那么，谁帮这一家，可知第一段必定要写到关于手术的安排。那么，谁帮这一家安排的手术？安排的手术？毫无疑问，肯定是那位衣着光鲜的先生毫无疑问，肯定是那位衣着光鲜的先生3、那么，这位先生是什么人、那么，这位先生是什么人？Para 1续写续写思考思考可能性可能性：1）医生）医生 2）有钱的慈善家）有钱的慈善家逻辑上都可以，逻辑上都可以，哪一种更好？哪一种更好？4、他怎么帮、他怎么帮Tess的弟弟安排的手术？与她的家长怎么沟通？的弟弟安排的手术？与她的家长怎么沟通？Para 2续续写写思考思考1、有没有必要解释为什么手术免费？、有没有必要解释为什么手术免费？考虑到：考虑到：1）Tess父母经济困难；父母经济困难；2）第一段）第一段介绍这位先生的身份时应该就能预示手术费用介绍这位先生的身份时应该就能预示手术费用问题，因此，我个人认为此处如果再解释为什问题，因此，我个人认为此处如果再解释为什么手术免费，简直是画蛇添足。么手术免费，简直是画蛇添足。2、原因不必介绍，那需要介绍什么？、原因不必介绍，那需要介绍什么？手术效果手术效果3、Tess父母的感激父母的感激Para 11、“巧合巧合”的是什么？的是什么？2、这、这位先生是什么人位先生是什么人？3、这、这位位先生与先生与Tess、Tess的父母有怎样的父母有怎样的沟通？的沟通？4、手术怎么安排、手术怎么安排/进行的进行的？Para 21、手术效果怎么样？、手术效果怎么样？2、Tess父母的感激父母的感激续写续写内容内容初稿初稿安排安排评分时，应主要从内容、词汇语法和篇章结构三个方面考评分时，应主要从内容、词汇语法和篇章结构三个方面考虑。具体为：虑。具体为：（1）续写内容的质量、完整性以及与原文情境的融洽度。）续写内容的质量、完整性以及与原文情境的融洽度。（2）所使用词汇和语法结构的准确性，恰当性和多样性。）所使用词汇和语法结构的准确性，恰当性和多样性。（3）上下文的衔接和全文的）上下文的衔接和全文的连贯性连贯性。怎么理解与原文情景的融洽度？怎么理解与原文情景的融洽度？读后续写要聚焦读后续写要聚焦原作者在文本中所使用的修饰词、人原作者在文本中所使用的修饰词、人物的语言和表情以及对话，尽可能仿效作者写作的格物的语言和表情以及对话，尽可能仿效作者写作的格调来完成故事续写，遵循读后续写的协同原则，使文调来完成故事续写，遵循读后续写的协同原则，使文本和续写的写作风格一致。本和续写的写作风格一致。思考：思考：1.续写部分与原作的写作风格怎么保持一致？在续写续写部分与原作的写作风格怎么保持一致？在续写部分能否使用大段的对话？部分能否使用大段的对话？2.原文本对主角的的刻画体现了主角什么样的性格特原文本对主角的的刻画体现了主角什么样的性格特征或品质？在这种品质支配下，主角在续写部分会有征或品质？在这种品质支配下，主角在续写部分会有什么样的行为什么样的行为？1、推进、推进情节情节发展发展情节的推进需要用对话的形式进行展开，对话能够告诉读者，角色在干嘛，下一步准备干什么。2、塑造、塑造人物人物性格性格对话能够直接反映出一个人物的性格特征，丰满人物的形象。3、引起、引起读者共读者共情情优秀的对话总是能够调动读者的内心情感，让读者能够轻易跟随人物的喜怒哀乐进行代入感的体验，与角色或作者产生共鸣。记叙文中大量对话的目的记叙文中大量对话的目的续写部分是否需要对话，需要多少对话，要因文而异、因情续写部分是否需要对话，需要多少对话，要因文而异、因情节而异，不能一刀切！节而异，不能一刀切！Tess was a five-year-old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother,Andrew.All she knew was that he was very sick and they didnt have money for the doctors bills.Only a very costly operation could save him.She heard Daddy say to Mommy sadly,“Only a miracle(奇迹)can save him now.”Tess went to her bedroom and pulled out her piggy bank.She poured all the change out and counted it carefully.No chance here for mistakes.Carefully placing the coins back,she secretly went out the back door and ran to the drugstore in a corner.She waited patiently for the chemist to give her some attention but he was too busy.So she took a quarter from her piggy bank and hit it hard on the counter.That did it!“And what do you want?”the chemist asked in an angry voice.“Im talking to my brother from Chicago whom I havent seen in ages.”“Well,I want to talk to you about my brother.Hes really,really sick.and I want to buy a miracle.”Tess replied.“I beg your pardon?”said the chemist.“My brother has something bad growing inside his head and Daddy says only a miracle can save him now.So how much does a miracle cost?”“We dont sell miracles here.Im sorry but I cant help you,”the chemist said,softening a little.“Listen,I have the money to pay for it.If it isnt enough,I will get the rest.Just tell me how much it costs.”Innocent,caring and politeShe waited patiently for the chemist to give her some attention but he was too busy.So she took a quarter from her piggy bank and hit it hard on the counter.That did it!“And what do you want?”the chemist asked in an angry voice.“Im talking to my brother from Chicago whom I havent seen in ages.”“Well,I want to talk to you about my brother.Hes really,really sick.and I want to buy a miracle.”Tess replied.“I beg your pardon?”said the chemist.“My brother has something bad growing inside his head and Daddy says only a miracle can save him now.So how much does a miracle cost?”“We dont sell miracles here.Im sorry but I cant help you,”the chemist said,softening a little.“Listen,I have the money to pay for it.If it isnt enough,I will get the rest.Just tell me how much it costs.”The chemists brother was a well-dressed man.He came over and asked Tess,“What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”“I dont know,”Tess replied with her eyes welling up.“I just know hes really sick and needs an operation.But my Daddy cant pay for it,so I want to use my money.”“How much do you have?”asked the well-dressed man.“One dollar and eleven cents,”Tess answered in a low voice.Generous,kind可能性可能性：1）巧了，我是医生，可以给你弟弟治病；）巧了，我是医生，可以给你弟弟治病；2）巧了，我有）巧了，我有miracle可卖；可卖；3）巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份）巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份miracle。逻辑上都对，逻辑上都对，哪一种更好？哪一种更好？1、这位先生为什么说、这位先生为什么说“巧合巧合”？“巧合巧合”的是什么？的是什么？Para 1续写续写思考思考可能性可能性1，直接揭示谜底，过于无趣；可能性，直接揭示谜底，过于无趣；可能性2，与前文呼应，与前文呼应不足，衔接不够紧密；不足，衔接不够紧密；可能性可能性3，呼应了原文最后问，呼应了原文最后问Tess有多有多少钱，也照顾了少钱，也照顾了Tess的童真：要买的药是的童真：要买的药是a miracle，这是最，这是最佳选择。佳选择。Tess毕竟只是五岁的孩子，这位先生想要帮她也一定需要了毕竟只是五岁的孩子，这位先生想要帮她也一定需要了解更多情况，所以肯定会要求孩子带他去见她的父母。解更多情况，所以肯定会要求孩子带他去见她的父母。Para 2续续写写思考思考1、有没有必要解释为什么手术免费？、有没有必要解释为什么手术免费？考虑到：考虑到：1）Tess父母经济困难；父母经济困难；2）第一段）第一段介绍这位先生的身份时应该就能预示手术费用介绍这位先生的身份时应该就能预示手术费用问题，因此，我个人认为此处如果再解释为什问题，因此，我个人认为此处如果再解释为什么手术免费，简直是画蛇添足。么手术免费，简直是画蛇添足。2、原因不必介绍，那需要介绍什么？、原因不必介绍，那需要介绍什么？手术效果手术效果3、Tess父母的感激父母的感激4、有没有必要说一说、有没有必要说一说Tess？非常有必要！做到首尾呼应是非常有必要！做到首尾呼应是读后续写与原文融洽度高度一读后续写与原文融洽度高度一致最好的表现！致最好的表现！那么，你要怎么写？那么，你要怎么写？千万不要喊口号！请记住千万不要喊口号！请记住Tess的童真的童真童趣！童趣！Para 11、巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份巧了，你的钱刚好够买一份miracle2、请、请Tess带他去她家见她的父母带他去她家见她的父母3、揭示这位先生的身份、揭示这位先生的身份5、安排手术、安排手术Para 21、手术效果怎么样？、手术效果怎么样？2、Tess父母的感激父母的感激3、Tess的反应的反应续写续写内容内容定稿定稿安排安排4、与、与Tess父母的交流父母的交流略写或直接省略略写或直接省略“Well,what a coincidence（巧合）,”smiled the man.“One dollar and eleven cents.That is the exact price of a miracle for your little brother.”He took her money in one hand and said,“Now,take me to your home.I want to see your brother and meet your parents.Lets see if I have the kind of miracle you need.”The well-dressed man happened to be a famous doctor.After carefully examined the little child,he helped the parents send the sick boy to the citys best hospital,where he performed an operation on him.The operation was completed for free.It wasnt long before Andrew was home again and doing well.Great joy filled in the poor house again.The parents couldnt thank the doctor enough.They simply couldnt believe what had happened to their boy and the whole family.Mom just kept saying,“That operation was a real miracle.I wonder how much it would have cost.”Tess smiled brightly.She knew exactly how much a miracle costone dollar and eleven cents,plus the love of a little girl.