TheChangeUp《两男变错身》完整中英文对照剧本.pdf

化妆间 一个月后 史蒂夫德赖弗 手指激♥情♥该你了 Your turn.来了 擦 on,fuck.行了行了 醒了 Okay,Im awake.早上好 Good morning.你俩今天怎么这么早就折腾啊 You guys are up a little early today,huh.做噩梦了?Did we have some nightmares or something?看看你给爸爸准备了什么好东西?Lets see what you made for daddy.一起看看吧 Lets see.我也不想裤子里夹着那玩意儿睡觉 I wouldnt like to sleep with that in my pants,either.但大学时确实有过这么一次 But it did happen once in college.宝贝你能把那瓶子放下么?Can you leave that bottle alone,honey?放下好不好?Can you put it down?宝贝.莎拉.Honey.Sarah.别 别!哦亲爱的!No,no!Sweetheart!擦 Damn.先回你小暖窝里待会儿吧 I know.Ill have you back in your warm little bed in one second.去吧 宝贝 Here you go.Back to bed,sweetheart.尿布换好啦 You got a fresh,dry diapy.彼得.Peter.彼得 别介!Peter,please!头撞不过床的 咱不是讨论过了么 Buddy,we talked about the head thing.我来给你贴上新尿布 Let me get you all hooked up.待好了 别掉下去 Hang on,dont fall.哦 不 Oh,no.彼得.哦 Peter.Oh.搞定 爹要看电视了 Okay.A little something for daddy.斯蒂尔 库和巴♥赫♥麦克劳德法律事务所 早上好-Steel,Kuhbach,McCloud Law Firm.-Good morning.早上好 洛克伍德 Good morning,Lockwood.早上好 斯蒂尔先生 Good morning,Mr.Steel.谢谢 Thank you.孩子都好吧?How are the kids?哦 很好 他们很好 Oh,theyre terrific.Just terrific.有孩子真是一大乐事 Children are such a joy.是啊 当然 Yes,absolutely.Always.并购的事怎么样了?Any word on the Amalgamated merger?就差签字了 Thats all but signed.这单谈成了 就该进行你的合伙人资格评估了 And just in time for your partner review,no less.真的?我都没注意 Really?Oh,I hadnt noticed.评估在合伙人专用套间进行 洛克伍德 I look forward to having your antic sense of humor 别太僵硬死板 好好表现 in the partner suite,Lockwood.希望你顺利通过 It can get a touch dry up there.好的 谢谢 Thank you so much.Hmm.不过这双温莎结一种领带系法 But a Double Windsor?快别了 又不是赛狗去 Come on,son.This is not the dog track.哦 当然 No.Yes.好的 Yeah.这就重系 谢谢提醒 Absolutely not.Thank you.嗨 Hi.真的戴夫 又不是去赛狗 Seriously,Dave,this isnt the dog track.啊 早上好 塞布丽娜 Yeah.Good morning,Sabrina.上周他说我的鞋像意大利黑♥手♥党♥穿的 Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian.什么?what?并购材料?要我去汇报?My turn with the Amalgamated files?嗯 我调整了下评估程序 以便体现新的每月预测 Yeah,I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections,23 到 29 条也进行了预谈判 and I pre-negotiated articles 23 through 29.好的 Okay.顺便说下 我更喜欢你以前的样子 I like the way you had it before,by the way.是啊 谢谢 Yeah.Thank you.早上好 帕特里夏 Good morning,Patricia.弟弟 便便 妹妹 鸡鸡 洞洞 Penis,shit,vagina,cock,wolf pussies.米奇 我上班呢 Mitch.Im at work.-吓着了吧 -多明白啊-Did I get you?-Yeah.You sure did.-免提呢?-是啊 You got me on speakerphone?Yep.秘书听到了?Did the secretary hear?是 秘书听到了 一点儿没落 Yes,the secretary heard.She heard it all.哈 爽 Thats awesome.爽个屁 你丫磕了多少?Not really.How stoned are you right now?就来了点大♥麻♥Ive taken some weed.-真的?-嗯 Have you?Mmm-hmm.-知道现在几点了么?-嗯 Do you know what time it is?Mmm-mmm.早上九点 Its like 9:00.我勒个去 Holy fuck-knuckles.-猜我现在跟前放着个啥?-你那破钟?Guess what Im looking at right now.A bong?不是 我昨晚在街上看见个蒲团 No,I found a futon on the street last night.就跟那流浪汉打架抢过来了 他太弱了 I sort of had to fight a bum for it.He was so thin.还抢了个很漂亮的纳瓦霍马鞍垫.And it also came with this vintage Navajo pony blanket.哥们儿赚大发了 So I think thats pretty much a win for me.米奇 成年人都是要工作的 Mitch,you know the adults are about to fire up a work day.-我知道 就是想你了 没别的 -我也想你 I know,I just miss you,dude,thats all.I miss you,too.三年级起咱俩就是最亲近的兄弟 Weve been super best buddies since third grade.我好久都没见着你了 I havent seen you in forever.嗯 我太忙了 Oh,Ive been swamped.我们正对双胞胎进行睡眠训练 Were sleep-training the twins,我都快累的喘不动气了 and I just havent had a moment to breathe.真倒霉 我就是超想见你 Im sorry,man.Im just super-excited to see you.咱今晚说好的聚会还算数吧?We are still on for tonight,right?-大卫?-嗯?David?Yep.当然 当然 为了.那啥-Yeah,yeah,yeah.-For the thingy.亚特兰大勇士队对佛罗里达马林鱼队 别说你忘了 Braves-Marlins.Please dont tell me that you forgot.没 Didnt forget.你几点来接我?What time are you going to pick me up?别让我自己看球 大卫 Dont you bail on me,David.不会的 I am not going to bail.如果你不来 我就照眼睛强♥奸♥的字面意思对你 If you bail on me,Im going to literally eye-rape you.明白 I got it.我会真的捅到你的眼睛里.喔!I will actually place myself inside your ocular.Oh!我爸来了 Its my dad.老米奇普隆克 很少见啊 Mitch Planko,Sr.making a rare appearance.他瞅我老费劲了 This guy fucking hates me.-6 点去找你 -知道了-Ill pick you up at 6:00.-Got it.挂了 Kirk out.爸 Dad.你来干嘛?What are you doing here?就是过来告诉你 Oh,I just came by to tell you 儿子你是多么让我骄傲 how incredibly proud of you I am,son.我虽然有点高了 Im pretty baked right now,但还是能听出来你在讽刺我 but I think youre being sarcastic.是么?Right?不 高中退学去当演员 No,dropping out of high school 这决定挺不赖的 to be an actor was a great decision.我碰巧见着你给那肉商做的演出了 I saw you in that commercial for meat,incidentally.你这香肠演的 人类已经阻止不了你了 That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.你过来干嘛?Why are you here?来看看你想不想一起吃点早餐 Just came by to see if youd like to have some breakfast.不行啊 我 10 分钟后有个超重要的电♥话♥会要开 I cant.I got a super-duper important conference call in 10 minutes.-你没工作 -你没头发 You dont have a job.You dont have any hair.是啊 Right.好吧 那我就在这儿说吧 Well,then Ill just say it here.我又要结婚了 Im getting married again,想要你来参加婚礼 and Id like you to come to the wedding.-什么时候?-下周六 Whens the wedding?Next Saturday.我的未婚妻帕梅拉 My betrothed,Pamela,would like you 想让你来讲几句话 to be there to say a few words.你下次结婚我再去吧 Ill catch the next one.嗯 好吧 那我最好回去 Yeah,right.Okay,well,then Id better get home 弄弄我的鞋 and boil my shoes.-见到你很高兴 -我也是 Great visiting.You,too.好吧 Good.吃小孩的妖怪 And the baby-eating monster 从深渊里爬了上来!rises from the deep!爸爸 你喜欢哪个?Hey,Daddy,which one do you like better?帝王斑蝶还是斑星弄蝶?The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling?爹永远都是斑星弄蝶的粉 I am a many-spotted skipperling man,all the way.帝王斑蝶就是炫点儿的蛾子 不是么?The monarch is just a glorified moth,dont you think?嗯 我觉得也是 Yes.I tend to agree.-妈妈!-嗨!Hi,Mom!Hi!今天太郁闷了 What a bad,bad day.嗨 Hi.分区规划委又让我们停业 The zoning board shut us down for the millionth time.克莱因医生把双胞胎的免疫卡丢了 Dr.Klein lost the twins immunization records.凯拉在芭蕾课上又受欺负了 And Cara got bullied in ballet class again.你跟爸爸说了么?Did you tell Daddy?做小踢腿时妮可莱特彼得斯把我推倒了 Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me over during the battement gliss.哦真可怜小瓢虫 你没事吧?Oh,Im sorry,sugarbug.Are you okay?我们正努力和平解决这事儿 We just need to keep striving for verbal resolution.嗯 好 和平解决 Yeah,yeah.Verbal resolution,sweetheart.你觉得今晚在哪儿谈比较合适?So where do you want to do this tonight?谈什么?Do what?今天是交流日 Dialogue Night.哦上帝 Oh,my God.亲爱的.Honey.别说了 Dont even say that.非常抱歉 是我不好 Im so sorry.I suck.蒂尔曼医生说一周就一次 一次就一小时 Dr.Tillman said just once a week,for one hour.对不起 Im sorry.三个月前就这么建议咱们了 That was three months ago.我知道 我听他说了 I know.I heard her.我也想坐下来好好跟你交流一小时 And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour 每周几次都行 但今天不行 more than once a week,but tonight,I cannot.为什么?你有事?Why?What are you doing?我答应米奇要跟他 I promised Mitch I would sit and watch 一起看比赛.a game with him tonight,and.什么?What?能不能往后推推?Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again?真对不起 Im so sorry.周一不行 I can do Monday night.谢谢 Thank you.他来早了 Hes early.你要整天吃鹰嘴豆泥和打飞机 Yeah,youd be early,too,你也会无聊地早点过来 if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate.什么是鹰嘴豆泥?Whats hummus?地中海地区人们吃的一种流食 That is a Mediterranean spread,honey.什么是打飞机?Whats master-ate?就是薄脆饼干 Its a cracker.嗨米奇 发型不错 Oh,hey,Mitch.Your hair looks good.谢谢 Thanks.为了拍个脑残的卫生巾广♥告♥剪的 Yeah,I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial.米奇叔叔!-Uncle Mitch!我的小芭蕾舞演员挺好的吧?Hows my favorite ballerina doing?-你好米奇叔叔 -你好啊 Hi,Uncle Mitch.Hi!Wow!天哪你怎么这么轻 减肥呢?Gosh,youre so light.Are you dieting?你要不要来参加我的舞蹈演出会?Do you want to come to my dance recital?哦 Oh!不去了 宝贝 No,honey.米奇叔叔只喜欢一种舞蹈 The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes 就是女人们攀着钢管群魔乱舞 involves a big,shiny pole,and a broken woman with daddy issues.好了不聊了 Yeah,story time is over.去弄弄你的头发吧 Go fix your hair.喔 Ow.真香啊 杰姆 Mmm,smells good in here,Jame.嗯 Mmm.哇!好吃的!Ooh!Num-nums!蔬菜泥!Vegetable medley!-最近怎么样?-挺好的 How are you?Good.-过得不错?-是啊 Youre good?Yeah.没找女朋友?Are you dating anyone?-你知道我看上谁了?-谁?Ooh!You know who I ran into?Who?德鲁伊山社区星巴克的西卡姆女士 Mrs.Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills.-我们的社会学老师?-是啊 Our social studies teacher?Yeah.我约她 她不甩我 I asked her out and she wouldnt go out with me,太过分了 高中时我俩还搞过呢 which is crazy,because I nailed her in high school.-你俩?-整个学期我都在跟她的嘴巴约会 You did?I dated her mouth for a full semester.都弄好了 洗澡 换尿布 乖乖的-Okay.-Bathed,diapered,and in the PJs.戴夫能满足你么?我是说在床上 Is Dave meeting your needs,sexually?-能吧 我想 -不错-Yeah,I guess.-Good.-有时不行 -哦 Not really,mmm-mmm.Ahh.真想把你捆眼前说我行 I would like to strap you to my face and say the alphabet.别扯了 Thats going too far.噢!Oh!瞧这俩小傻蛋!Look at these little fuckers!你叫什么?Whats your name?Hey.你叫什么?嗯?Whats your name?Whats your name?他俩怎么不说话?不是痴呆吧?Why cant they talk yet?Are they retarded or something?说什么呢 别胡扯 Dont say.You cant say that.他不是唐氏症患儿吧 Well,this one right here looks a little Downsy.-闭嘴 -开个玩笑么-Or that.-Im kidding.-确实有点儿像 -滚 A little bit,though?No.小南瓜 比赛结束我们就回来 好吧?Pumpkin,well see you right after the game,okay?去吧 Have fun.小家伙真好玩 哦怎么哭了 I like it.Oh,God.-走吧 -拜拜 Lets go.Okay.Bye.米奇戴夫二人组 Mitch and Dave.米奇戴夫二人组 进城过夜生活啦 Mitch and Dave,out on the town.哦哥们儿 忘告诉你了!Oh,dude,I didnt tell you!这周哥要演个主角 I booked a major movie role this week.试镜通过了 I auditioned for a movie role,I got it.-哥第一个主角啊 -不赖啊 片子叫什么?Yeah,first one.Hey,good for you.What is it called?无名牛片 Untitled Awesome Movie.真的?叫这名?Truly?Thats the name?-嗯 -嗯 恭喜 Yeah.Yeah.Good for you.-来根不?-不了 Do you want to hotbox this nut sack?No,no.-明天还有事儿呢 -扶下车把 嗯 方向盘 Ive got a big day tomorrow.Take the wheel.Steer.Steering wheel.扶下方向盘 Oh,steer for me.拜托 米奇 Mitch,come on,buddy.咱得活着才能看比赛 不是么?Lets make it to the game in one piece,dont you think?试试?好歹是辆菲罗 不过不幸没气囊 Want to try that?This Fiero,unfortunately,is airbag-free.明天又不是周末 Its a work day tomorrow.-尝尝呗 -好好 给我来一口 Come on.All right,Ill take one hit.喔!你他♥娘♥的♥.个猪猡!Oh!What the.You motherfucker!专心开车先 Lets just focus on the driving.你是老大?擦 太过分了 Just say no,Reagan.God,why would you do that?-行了 专心开车 -我去!Well,were driving.God!-车速这么快 -太恐怖了 This is a car carrying a lot of speed.This is terrible.扶好方向盘 我得再来一根!Hit the steering wheel.Im going again!喔!干了!Whoo!Drink!三振出局啊 牛!干了!Ill drink to that.All right!That was a strikeout.一起出来玩儿真好 你最近怎么样?Huh,whats going on?It is good to see you again.是啊 我也很高兴 Its good to see you,too,Dave.女生追得怎么样了?Whats going on with the women,huh?我追过一些很好 很不错的女孩 Ive been seeing a number of very,very nice ladies.-看照片 -哇 I got some pictures.Wow.这是塔蒂阿娜 That is Tatiana.塔蒂阿娜 Tatiana.姓什么?Whats her last name?塔蒂阿娜半夜三点求我搞 Its Tatiana Calls-me-at-three-in-the-morning-and-wants-to-fuck-stein.爱他妈姓啥姓啥 Who gives a shit what her last name is?米奇 她让我想起了塞布丽娜 Mitch.Reminds me a little bit of Sabrina.哈!嗯?谁是塞布丽娜?Yeah!Wait,whos Sabrina?塞布丽娜是.Sabrina.Shes this.是我公♥司♥一个新来的法律助理 Shes this new law associate at my work.她太漂亮了 天哪米奇 太绝了 Shes so hot.Oh,Mitch,is she hot.Uh-oh.跟时尚大♥片♥里的模特似的 Shes like fall-out-of-a-magazine hot,you know?她是你癌症名单上的第一个吧?I bet shes number one on your cancer list,right?什么名单?What is that?-得了吧 你能不知道?-啥玩意儿?Come on,you know what that is.What is that?每个已婚男人都有这么个名单 Every married guy has a cancer list.就是你老婆突然得癌症死掉后 Its the first three women youd have sex with 你会跟她上♥床♥的三个女人 if your wife suddenly died of cancer.简直有病 Thats fucking sick.那可是我孩子的妈啊 Come on.Thats the mother of my children.嗯 我知道 Oh,I know.不过要列的话 嗯 她是第一个 But Ill play.Yes,shed be at the top of that list.就像天上掉下的林妹妹 了解 Its like a gift.Yeah.不说我了 接着说你这个-But I interrupted you.-Tell me about this one again.上周 塔蒂阿娜穿了条黑色紧身迷你裙 God,last week,Tatiana,she comes over,过来找我 shes wearing this tight black mini-dress,你知道她跟我说什么了?and you know what she says to me?-慢点说 -什么也没说 Tell me slow.No,nothing.因为塔蒂阿娜只想在凌晨 3 点 Because all Tatiana wants to do at 3:00 in the morning 跟我一直不停地搞 没时间说话 is fucky,fucky,rubber ducky.这女人就是一性♥饥♥渴♥!This chick is insatiable!她想在院子里每种姿势都来一遍 She wants it in every position under the sun.主呀 你走狗屎运了 God,youre so lucky.我们试了老汉推车 如坐针毡 We do the Wheelbarrow,the Arabian Goggles,金鸡独♥立♥观音座莲 the Lonesome Dove,the Arsenio Hall,隔岸观火 爱神之弓 金鸡独♥立♥.the Jelly Donut,the Pastrami Sandwich,the Wolfgang Puck.跟你说吧 男的都受不了 And let me tell you something,no man is that hungry.什么?有这么多花样?What?I dont even know what these are.-你已经结婚啦 家庭妇男了 戴夫 -是啊 Youre married.Youre married,Dave.Thats true.总之 我俩做的越来越激烈 Anyway,we start going at it 然后我鼻子就开始流血 and it gets so intense that my nose starts bleeding.不能吧 Come on.安妮赖斯笔下的吸血鬼 This is Dracula,Anne Rice-type shit 在那一刻灵魂附体 happening right in front of me.真牛 Good for you.等我们做完 喘匀了气儿 When all is said and done,when we finish up,and the dust settles,她抬头看着我说 she looks up at me,and she says,米切尔 下周二我过来.Mitchell,next Tuesday,I am coming back here,咱俩得好好的干 and were really going to fuck.日!Yes!日啊!塔蒂阿娜 Yes!Tatiana.妈的 米奇啊 米奇米奇 Fuck.Mitch,Mitch,Mitch.你真是.Youre just.这些事儿我都没戏了 How did I miss this?疯狂做♥爱♥嗑药 放纵一切 I missed all the sex and the drugs and the bad choices,我他妈急什么啊!急个什么劲啊!and I just fucking rushed it,didnt I?Wasnt I rushing?你是挺急的 You were busy.急着考个好大学 Rushing to get into a good college,right?进个好法律学院 And then into a good law school.一旦进了个好法律学院 Once I got into a good law school,我就想进个好法律事务所 I just wanted to get into a good law firm.遇到杰米 结婚 生了凯拉 就完啦 I met Jamie,we got married,we had Cara,and that was it.20 多岁时都没享受到 现在晚啦 I pissed away my 20s,right?Now its too late.行了 别身在福中不知福了 你还缺啥啊 Look,shitbird.You got it made!火♥辣♥的老婆 You have an extremely hot wife,漂亮的房♥子 and you got a beautiful house 满屋的东西 吃的 还有孩子 thats full of furniture and food and kids.又赚那么多钱 And you make a ton of money.晚上下班回家 And you come home at the end of the day 一屋人都关心你 and youre surrounded by people who give a shit about you.你永远都不会觉得孤独 Youre never lonely.你还想要什么?What more do you want?想要什么?听着 Ill tell you what I want,okay?我想换种活法儿 I want something different.我想像你这么过 I want your life,you know?我想要塞布丽娜 想要塔蒂阿娜 I want Sabrina.I want Tatiana.想和不认识的女人做♥爱♥And sex with strange,new women.你简直就是活在梦里 Youre living the dream.一年工作一周 当演员多幸福 How much fun is it being an actor,working one week a year?我想抽上一整天的大♥麻♥I want to smoke weed all day.我想完整地看完一本书 I want to start a book that I actually finish.我想没那么多事儿催命似的 I would like to take a nice,solid dump 拉个便便都得赶紧的速度解决 because Im not constantly stressed out.我想学学旱冰 I want to learn how to rollerblade.我还想嘘一个 And Id like to take a piss.我也想 去喷泉那儿吧 Me,too.Fountain,fountain,fountain.好吧 Perfect.喔!Whoo!这小妞不高兴了 This chick does not look happy.我真是挺嫉妒你的生活的 I was just saying that I really envy your life.-真的 -我还嫉妒你的呢 Thats all.I envy yours.你才不呢 你就是不想让我郁闷罢了 No,you dont.Youre just trying to be nice.扯 真的 我真是嫉妒你 Im not.I do,I envy it.我嫉妒你 No.I envy yours.我想过上你的生活 I wish I had your life.分片儿停电?its rolling blackouts or something?可能吧 Yeah,I guess.看你嘘的 又高又远 Look at your flow,its so nice and thick.身强体壮啊 Its confident.-你的热气腾腾的 -谢谢 Yours is very steamy.Thanks.我的泌尿大夫说我是热性尿 My urologist says I run a little hot.-好了没?-好了 Good to go?Oh,yeah.-你还能开车么?-没问题!Can you drive?Oh,yeah!大爷的!Holy fuck-knuckles!我的钟呢?Where is my bong?谁他妈的孩子?Whose fucking kid is that?这他妈什么枕头啊这是?What is with all these goddamn pillows?杰米!天哪!Jamie!Jesus!-怎么了?-太他妈恶心了!What?Thats fucking disgusting!赶紧盖上 又不是在非洲!Put those tits away,this isnt Africa!我怎么在这儿?我昨晚没走?What am I doing in this bed?Did I sleep here last night?我搞你了?Did I fucking nail you?还没醒酒呢?Are you still drunk?戴夫!Dave!洛克伍德跑哪儿去了?Where is Lockwood?搞什么飞机?What the fuc