《Frinds老友记》第1季中英文对照完整剧本121TheOneWithTheFakeMonica.docx

121假莫妮卡怎有人知道你的信用k号码？ 我也不知道你看他们花了多少钱 摩妮卡，冷静一下好吗？ 信用卡的人说你只须付你所买的东西 我知道，他真是挥霍无度 我想他偷去你的信用卡时 根本就已忘了王法 真是个变态花了 6995元买"神奇拖把" 我买的真的，它又来马修，别再侵犯那盏灯了 马修，回来不，又到我房里了 我去抓它出来 罗斯，你得想方法阻止 什么？这只是个阶段 我们当时也是这么说乔伊的 你们冷静点行吗？ 这又没什么了不起 马修，停，坏猴子 又怎么了？ 我只能说我的好奇乔治玩偶不再好奇 摩妮卡，你还是无法释怀 这女人过着我的生活 什么？她过着我的生活 而且过得比我好，看 她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏 她买的衣服是我早就想买的 她花了三百块买艺术用品 你又不是艺术家 如果有艺术用品 我或许已是个艺术家我本来可以的，只是现在不是 导演：盖尔曼库索摩妮卡，别泄气 你做的工作很酷 真的?我们来做比拟，好吗？ 现在说"好吗”有点太迟了121 The One With The Fake MonicaScene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent!Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.Monica: I know. It*s just such reckless spending.Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.Monica: That's me.Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey.Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!Ross: What?Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.Opening CreditsScene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.Monica: This woman's living my life.Rachel: What?Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.Rachel: You're not an artist.Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things.Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'.Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo.Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names.Chandler: How about Joey. Pepponi?Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.Chandler: Joey. Switzerland?(The waitress brings their coffee.)Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.Chandler: Joe.Joe.Joe.Stalin?Joey: Stalin.Stalin.do I know that name? It sounds familiar.Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good.Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!, and writes it down.)Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter. Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Hey.Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.Phoebe: What are you doing?Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is.Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! .Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it! .Thank you.Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.Monica: What d'you think?Phoebe: Lotsa things.(They go in and sit down.)Rachel: Which one do you think she is?(The teacher comes up to them.)Teacher: May I help you?Monica: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.Rachel: What does she mean?Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon. (They put on some spare shoes)我到过公园骑马吗？ 我在新学校上过课吗？ 没有这太不公平了她拥有我想要的一切 而且她没有我妈 乔依帕波尼如何？ 不好，太有种族意味了 我的经纪人认为 我该取个中立一点的名字 乔伊瑞士？而且，我应该就是乔 乔伊让我感觉 这么大我不是 乔乔斯大林？ 斯大林，我认识这名字吗？ 听得很熟悉.我没印象乔斯大林，这名字很好 或许你想试试乔瑟夫 乔瑟夫斯大林 我好像记得这个名字 别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫斯大林主演 ”屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫史达林 对，我是摩妮卡格勒 我想有在你们那里上课 我想知道是哪些课 你在干什么？ 太好了，谢谢 我要去卜.踢踏舞课 这样你就可以和偷你信用卡的人一起上课？ 这女人偷走了我的生活 我应该去看看她是何方神圣 去邮局看我想她的照片会公布的 摩妮卡，你有点失去理智工 你被这件事所完全操控 这叫疯狂上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做 谢谢你们怎么认为？ 很多你认为是哪一个？ 我能帮你们什么吗？我到过公园骑马吗？ 我在新学校上过课吗？ 没有这太不公平了她拥有我想要的一切 而且她没有我妈 乔依帕波尼如何？ 不好，太有种族意味了 我的经纪人认为 我该取个中立一点的名字 乔伊瑞士？而且，我应该就是乔 乔伊让我感觉 这么大我不是 乔乔斯大林？ 斯大林，我认识这名字吗？ 听得很熟悉.我没印象乔斯大林，这名字很好 或许你想试试乔瑟夫 乔瑟夫斯大林 我好像记得这个名字 别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫斯大林主演 ”屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫史达林 对，我是摩妮卡格勒 我想有在你们那里上课 我想知道是哪些课 你在干什么？ 太好了，谢谢 我要去卜.踢踏舞课 这样你就可以和偷你信用卡的人一起上课？ 这女人偷走了我的生活 我应该去看看她是何方神圣 去邮局看我想她的照片会公布的 摩妮卡，你有点失去理智工 你被这件事所完全操控 这叫疯狂上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做 谢谢你们怎么认为？ 很多你认为是哪一个？ 我能帮你们什么吗？Monica: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me?Teacher: (To the class) People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!Rachel: She could be you.(Music starts)Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight.(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)Monica: Okay, I'm not getting this!Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!Monica: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated?(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)Rachel: What? You just click when they click.Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.Monica: Great. It's gym class all over again.Phoebe and Rachel: Aww.Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am.Who's the new tense girl?Teacher: She's your partner.Woman: Hi. I'm Monica.Monica: Oh. Monica! .Hi. I'm Mo- .nana.Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana?Monica: Yeah. It's Dutch.Fake Monica: You're kidding! 1-1 spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight.Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.Ross: (Mortified) Hi.Chandler and Joey: Hey.Joey: Where've you been?Ross: At the vet.Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting agressive and violent.Chandler: So what does this mean?Ross: I'm gonna have to give him up.Commercial Break我们是来参观的舞蹈课不是参观来的舞蹈课来跳舞的那儿有舞鞋什么意思？我想她是叫我们进去跳真的？好吧有看见我的分身吗？各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶希望别再发生那种事她可能是你开始吧我跟不上我完全融人你不会觉得自己有时亳无协调感吗？怎么了？只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了各位找个舞伴我死去的妈说就是你我和瑞秋这下可好体育课的旧事又重演了无所谓，你过来和我一起跳我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦？没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到我来了那个紧张的新人是谁？你的舞伴我叫摩妮k摩妮卡我叫摩娜娜摩娜娜？对，是荷兰人的名字你在开玩笑吧我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年我是宾州的荷兰人开始吧你上哪儿去了我刚从兽医回来她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧？她说马修乱性不是暂时的显然它已性成熟嘿，它找过你呢她说它会越来越暴力我们是来参观的舞蹈课不是参观来的舞蹈课来跳舞的那儿有舞鞋什么意思？我想她是叫我们进去跳真的？好吧有看见我的分身吗？各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶希望别再发生那种事她可能是你开始吧我跟不上我完全融人你不会觉得自己有时亳无协调感吗？怎么了？只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了各位找个舞伴我死去的妈说就是你我和瑞秋这下可好体育课的旧事又重演了无所谓，你过来和我一起跳我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦？没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到我来了那个紧张的新人是谁？你的舞伴我叫摩妮k摩妮卡我叫摩娜娜摩娜娜？对，是荷兰人的名字你在开玩笑吧我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年我是宾州的荷兰人开始吧你上哪儿去了我刚从兽医回来她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧？她说马修乱性不是暂时的显然它已性成熟嘿，它找过你呢她说它会越来越暴力我们是来参观的舞蹈课不是参观来的舞蹈课来跳舞的那儿有舞鞋什么意思？我想她是叫我们进去跳真的？好吧有看见我的分身吗？各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶希望别再发生那种事她可能是你开始吧我跟不上我完全融人你不会觉得自己有时亳无协调感吗？怎么了？只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了各位找个舞伴我死去的妈说就是你我和瑞秋这下可好体育课的旧事又重演了无所谓，你过来和我一起跳我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦？没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到我来了那个紧张的新人是谁？你的舞伴我叫摩妮k摩妮卡我叫摩娜娜摩娜娜？对，是荷兰人的名字你在开玩笑吧我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年我是宾州的荷兰人开始吧你上哪儿去了我刚从兽医回来她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧？她说马修乱性不是暂时的显然它已性成熟嘿，它找过你呢她说它会越来越暴力Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys are sitting therelike the Three Monkeys.Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some. monkey lovin/ he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?Chandler: I know that one! .No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego. right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.Chandler: What?Joey: Did you call the cops?Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.Monica: Y'know what? A代er you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit.Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.Chandler: .Take off their hats!Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen .I love that joke.Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts.Monica: .They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show. Monica: 'Scuse me?侵略性越强这代表什么？我们不能再养它了我真不敢相信，这真是太扯了我不懂，你才刚养它它怎会突然性成熟？我知道，之前它只是个小东西不知不觉中它就紧抓住我的腿不放你没有任何方法再饲养它吗？没方法她说除非有个地方让它获得正常的猴爱 它会变得愈来愈残暴我得将它送到动物园你如何把它送进动物园？我知道不，那是教皇进入福斯汽车我们到处申请当然大型州立动物园是优先考虑比方说圣地牙哥动物园那可能只是遥不可及的梦想因为它在加州兽医说她认识迈阿密的朋友或许有可能那儿似乎离海滩只有两条街一定是个疯狂动物园我们找到她了你们喊警察了吗？没有，我们和她吃午餐你们自己的“自治正义”你疯了？那女人偷了你的东西她是个小偷和这女人相处十分钟后你就会把这些全忘了她简直是奇女子振奋人心她可能是从某位啦啦队队员那儿偷来的脱卜.他们的帽子福斯车上的教皇我喜欢这个笑话不可能，你不可能这么做摩娜娜相当勇敢真是太疯狂了我说我们是615房的冈氏姐妹结果波士顿塞尔提克已包下整个六楼Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?他们知道我们又矮乂有胸部时 他们就把我们轰出来我被轰出饭店，我干得好，摩娜娜不是只有你们活在梦中我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡不用等我了对了，明天我们要去参加百老汇的试演 什么？”猫剧还有一个缺额我想我们可以去唱"回忆" 让自己当个傻子，如何？ 不，记得你身旁的人是谁 我和你不一样我连站在踢踏舞教室前都有困难 因为你有阿米许的血统什么？你不是宾州荷兰人吗？对"，直到我买了吹风机被逐出村里 我过去也和你一样有一天我看了出改变我人生的电影看过春风化雨吗？我认为这电影实在是太无聊了那孩子在电影的结局时自杀 只因他无法演出话剧？ 这是在干什么？他再等一年离家，到社区话剧团去走出电影院时我想我这逝去两小时的生命永远不再回这想法震惊了我 从此我便及时行乐 那么我不敢推荐”窈充奶爸”了 上帝我们进不了斯克兰顿了那是我们最后的选择他们连狗和牛都收我不懂是我还是它比拟难受我想应该椅子最可怜马修不乖，为何没人要它？一定有人会要的早就有人叫乔瑟夫斯大林了开什么玩笑显然他是屠杀各种民族的俄国专制者Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. 1-1 can't even stand in front of a tap class.Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background. Monica: What?Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.Fake Monica: l-l used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?Monica: Uh-huh.Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly. boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.Scene: Monica and Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him? Rachel: Oh, somebody will.Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?Chandler: You're kidding.Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?Phoebe: .Flame Boy.Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?Ross: Yes.Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile.Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were. cornered?Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why?Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean.Dr.