应用文写作讲评：校园书画展之安慰信 讲义-届高三英语写作专项.docx

应用文写作讲评：校园书画展之安慰信假定你是李华，John因病不能参观“长松长歌”书画展。请给他写一封电子邮件，内容包括：1.询问近况；2.分享展览内容；3.表达祝愿。本题在命制的时候是假想John因病不能参加，学生答题时需要考虑如何安慰，并且提出补救的措施。学生写的这篇安慰信结构明晰，逻辑清楚，情感真挚，用语妥帖，尤其是对展览内容的描写，深浅有度，既有内容又有内涵。首段对John未能观展表达遗憾，I'm sorry to hear that you failed to visit.，紧接着用do you feel better now?表示问候。当然首段中的展览名称有点啰嗦，完全可以用failed to visit the exhibition就行了，因为前文中已经提到了An Ode to Yiyuan，此处便不需要重复了。还有对未能参观的原因，李华直接说due to your illness，尽管题中是说到“因病”，但是无论何种文化，讳疾忌医是常态，说人家的病就牵扯到了隐私的问题。第二段对于展览内容描写的很精彩，这也是艺术这个单元产生的教学效果。学生写道展览的内容had a great insight of masterpieces, ranging from the elabrate ink wash paintings to the delicate calligraphy works，也提到了这些展品的内涵not only did they show the long history of our school, but presented the mind and spirit。最后，他还不忘对John因故不能参加的遗憾做个弥补，说到if you are interested, I will send you dozens of pictures. 当然，在介绍展览时，如果学生能够继续在其描写的内容上加点与John的互动，则会更加出彩。第三段表达了遗憾，并且为了让John有信心，李华继续安慰说I'm convinced that there'll be more opportunities. 在信的最后，他也表达了真诚的祝愿，祝他早日康复：I'd like to convey my sincere hope that you could recover soon. 作为安慰信的收尾段，在情感上给人以希望，非常不错。基于以上的分析和语言上的改进，范文如下：Dear John,Im sorry to hear that you failed to attend the exhibition due to the health reason. We should have a good time together. Do you feel better now?I had a great insight of the masterpieces created by Yiyuan and contemporary artists. From the elaborate ink wash paintings to the delicate calligraphy, these works with extraordinary skills would not disappoint you if you could come. Not only did they show the long history of our school, but presented the mind and spirit of the first principal of Chunhui. Luckily, I received a canvas bag as a volunteer gift filled with notebooks, postcards and a collection of Yiyuans works and I will send you some.Its a pity that you missed the chance but Im convinced that there will be more opportunities like this. Also, Id like to convey my sincere wish that you could recover soon.Yours,Li hua学科网（北京）股份有限公司