david deangelodating tipshow to flirt and why.doc

DATING TIP: How To Flirt And Why   I want to talk about the concept of "flirting", and whyit's SO important that you understand exactly what it is andhow to do it with women.   To begin with, women know what flirting is, and theyrespond VERY differently to flirting communication than theydo to typical social communication.   If you understand flirting and sexual tension, you canbegin conversations with women and have them INSTANTLYfeeling ATTRACTION for you.   If you DON'T understand how flirting and sexual tensionwork, then you're either going to have to become famous ormake a LOT of money to be successful with women.   I'm going to suggest that you learn how to flirt well,then do it RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in your interactions withwomen to SET THE RIGHT TONE.   Think of flirting like playing.   Remember when you were a kid and you used to "play fight"with your friends?   What's the difference between "play" wrestling and "real"wrestling?   And how do you know the difference when it's happening.when your friend runs up and pushes you down, then jumps onyou and tries to pin you?   The answer is YOU JUST KNOW. It's obvious to humans (andother animals, by the way) when someone is "playing" and whenthey're serious.   Flirting is similar.   If you start talking to a woman and say "Hi, you're verypretty. You probably have a boyfriend, right?" in a normaltone of voice, you're NOT flirting.   On the other hand, if you say "Hi, I realize that you'reprobably shy because you get no attention from men. so Ithought I'd come over here and pay attention to you." it'sOBVIOUS that you're not being serious. This is flirting.   By the way, flirting IS NOT simply telling jokes, ortrying to be "cute".   One of the concepts that I teach is called "Cocky & Funny."   Cocky & Funny is simply a powerful, concentrated way offlirting and creating sexual tension with a specific kind ofhumor.   It's so funny to me how some guys write in because they"can't see themselves being Cocky & Funny around women"because they don't want to come across as jerks.   This really cracks me up. because it's obvious to methat these guys JUST DON'T GET IT.   So let me explain this whole thing a different way.   If you know how to communicate the right way, women willrespond to you RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING with a HIGH LEVELof sexual interest and ATTRACTION.   When you know how to incorporate flirting in a Cocky &Funny way, which is really a form of "adult verbal play",you tune in to a certain frequency in a woman's mind, andcause her to go into a very special kind of emotional state.   One of the keys to effective flirting is to "get it". Inother words, you have to actually get out there and practiceso you get a "feel" for how it works.   I think a lot of guys give up when they try a cute lineor technique and a woman responds by saying "You're a loser."Instead of just realizing that they need more practice orthat the woman might have just been in a bad mood or evenone of those horrible "I don't have a sense of humor" cases,they take it personally and decide to just have it mean thatthey're a failure.   But take my word for it. once you learn how to flirteffectively and communicate in the language of "adult play"you WILL SIMPLY NOT BELIEVE how women will respond to you.   Here's an example of some of one of my favorite topics to"riff on" when flirting. the topic of getting married andus being in a relationship. and I'll give it to you in theform of a sample dialogue. Keep in mind, I might have aconversation like this one with a woman that I just met fiveminutes earlier.Her: "I have a good job, and I make good money"Me: "Nice. I like that in a woman. Want to get married? Wecould leave for Vegas right now and be married in about 4or 5 hours. I need a woman with money."Her: <Laughter> "OK, that sounds like a plan"Me: "But wait a minute. do you think you can support theboth of us on your income? I really want to be a stay athome husband. you know, keep an eye on the TV and such."Her: "Oh, no. I won't support you."Me: "Well, then I'm breaking up with you. It's over betweenus. I was going to marry you, then divorce you a week laterand take half your money."Her: <Laughter> "You can't break up with me! I'm not evenyour girlfriend."Me: "That's all the more reason."   .do you get what's going on here?   I'm taking a normal conversation topic (her job and income)and redirecting the conversation in a flirtatious, Cocky &Funny way to create a fun mood and sexual tension (bysuggesting marriage, divorce, and breaking up over her notsupporting me, etc.).   If the above example doesn't make any sense to you, thentake that as a sign that you need to get out and practicemore. Try it on a waitress or two.   When you ask for something and she says "I'm sorry, wedon't have that", just say "OK, this relationship isn'tworking out. I'm going to have to break up with you."   In fact, you can say this in just about ANY situationwith ANY woman where she's saying something that you don'tlike, and it's funny.   When you communicate like this, you're FLIRTING, you'reTEASING, and you're initiating a DIFFERENT KIND OFCOMMUNICATION than most men initiate.   And as soon as the woman you're talking to "engages" youin this kind of dialogue, THE GAME IS ON.   There are a LOT of ways you can flirt, and a lot of waysyou can be Cocky & Funny that DON'T REQUIRE WORDS.   If a woman looks at you and raises one eyebrow, look backat her and do the same. only exaggerate it.   If a woman puts her hand on your arm, look down at it,then look up at her in a surprised way, then raise youreyebrows as if you just had a major "ah ha!" realization.then start smiling and nodding your head as if you justrealized that she wants you. This is a powerful combinationbecause it's funny, and it exaggerates the meaning in hertouching you.   There are a MILLION ways to flirt like this, but the pointthat I'm trying to make is that you NEED TO START DOING ITRIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING OF YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH WOMEN.   It will set off all of your conversations with women onthe right foot, and start a dialogue that creates sexualtension and ATTRACTION.   If you DON'T learn how to communicate with women like thisyou'll have BORING, "NORMAL" conversations that NEVER leadto sexual tension and ATTRACTION.   Remember, women can tell INSTANTLY whether you're flirtingwith them or not. If you are, and you're doing it in a subtle,charming way, you'll get amazing responses.   One of the keys to flirting and creating ATTRACTIONeffectively is projecting confidence and indifference bothin your voice tone and body language as you do it.   And in order to project these things you need to have theright understanding and BELIEFS about how male/femaleATTRACTION works. and then be able to project them throughyour conversation to women.   In my new CD audio series, I explain the most importantbeliefs to project, and exactly how to project them so thewoman you're talking to senses INSTANTLY and at anUNCONSCIOUS level that you know how to communicate on manylevels with her. all through body language, voice tone,and words.DATING TIP: What if I'm Not "Her Type"?*THIS WEEK'S QUESTION*Dear Dave,I was very skeptical of your approach, but I have been tryingC & F routine recently and it has been working like a charm.Your CD is incredible with information that builds on yourbook. An example of C & F happened recently. Women alwaysmake comments of my age and how I appear much younger than myage (i'm in my mid-thirties but appear to be 24-25). Beforereading your book and listening to your CD, I would simplylaugh or say thank you if a woman said I looked a lot youngerthan my age. Recently I was out with my friends and this good-looking woman said the same comment. My response was"come on, I'm not going to fall for a line that. You womenjust want me for my youthful looks". Then I continued bustingon her and left with her e-mail. My friends were all shockedby my exchange with her and my success. I have a question though Dave. What if a woman, in theconversation with you, states she does not like a certain typeof guy; for example she says she likes tall guys but onehappens to be short. Can you give be a couple of examples ofturning a perceived deficit (height, lack of hair, etc) intoCocky and funny responses?Thanks a million,Disciple in Training in D.C.>>>MY COMMENTS:   First of all, I really enjoy the way you've turned theissue of looking younger around and framed it as a woman'spathetic attempt to pick you up and use you.   This is CLASSIC Cocky & Funny, and it does all the rightthings. it creates sexual tension, humor, and a challengeall at the same time.   Very nice.   But the part of your email that I really like is theQUESTION you've asked.   You're asked:"What if a woman, in the conversation with you, states shedoes not like a certain type of guy; for example she saysshe likes tall guys but one happens to be short. Can yougive be a couple of examples of turning a perceiveddeficit (height, lack of hair, etc) into Cocky and Funnyresponses?"   Here's something that you must remember:IF YOU BEHAVE AS IF WHAT A WOMAN THINKS OF YOU IS IMPORTANT,THEN YOU'LL BE VERY LIKELY TO DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HER NOTBE ATTRACTED TO YOU.   Remember, ATTRACTION isn't a "logical" process. It reallydoesn't make very much sense (until you understand how itworks, that is).   Just because a woman SAYS that she doesn't "like" acertain "type" of guy doesn't mean that she can't feel aPOWERFUL ATTRACTION for a guy of this "type".   Are you with me here?   ATTRACTION is an emotion.   A "type" is a PREFERENCE.   They are TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.   Here's a good example: Women are universally moreinterested in taller men. If you ask a woman what "type"of "height" ISN'T her type, she'll say something like"short guys" or "guys who are shorter than me" etc.   I have NEVER met a woman in my entire life who said"I like shorter guys". Never.   But guess what?   I have at least 4 or 5 friends who are in the 5'2"to 5'6" range that are UNBELIEVABLE with women. TheyALL date beautiful women who are taller than them.   So what's going on here?   ATTRACTION is what's going on.   So when you ask me how to use a Cocky & Funny line toturn a "perceived deficit" around, the FIRST thing I haveto say is "Stop thinking of it as a deficit".   First you need to stop caring what a woman thinks of youALLTOGETHER. Completely.   If you care what she thinks of you, then you're probablygoing to start acting like a total WUSS, and you're going toscrew things up anyway.   Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who look to them forapproval. Women are ATTRACTED to men who are strong,independent, and not affected by the opinions of others(this is a generalization, but it's basically true).   So based on this new perspective, here are a few waysthat you could handle a situation like this one.1) NOT CARE AT ALL   One of the things you could do is just address thecomment at all. as if it didn't even exist.   A mistake many people make is thinking that they MUSTtake every communication that another person takes seriouslyand then RESPOND to it.   Not so.   You don't have to do ANYTHING if you don't want to.   So if a woman says "I like tall guys" you can just actas if it had never been said, and continue with yourconversation, getting her email/number, or whatever.   By the way, this concept can be EXTREMLY useful inother situations as well. For instance, if a woman startsgetting upset about something and being overly dramatic,one great thing to do is NOTHING AT ALL. Just sit thereand don't respond at all. Then, when it settles down alittle, just continue your conversation as if nothinghad happened (Oh, and stop hanging out with dramatic,overly-emotional women too, you dork!).2) BRING IT UP BEFORE HER   In this case, you're talking about height. One way todeal with this is to bring it up before she does.   As soon as you start talking say "Well, you're tallerthan me. I'm over it, are you yet?"   This says a few things. It says that you know what'sgoing on. it says you're confident. and it shows thatyou're not afraid to deal with it.   It also addresses the issue in such a way that you'llknow where she stands on it.   If she just CAN'T get past it, she'll tell you.   3) MAKE IT HER PROBLEM   Here's a place to use Cocky & Funny.   You might say "Wow, you're kind of a freak. I thinksomething like 1% of women are as tall as you. It must sucktrying to find nice pants, huh? You have to wear all thoseweird pants made for freaks and stuff."   Or if she's talking about a trait that she's attractedto, point out the negative sides of that trait in a Cocky &Funny way.   Maybe she says "I like men who know how to treat a ladyspecial, take her nice places, and who pay for everythingto show that they're a gentleman".   You might say "Oh, so what you're telling me is thatyou like men who basically pay for your attention withmoney and gifts. how romantic.".The one thing that you'll find at the bottom of allthe ideas that I've just presented is FIRST OF ALL, NOTCARING WHAT SHE THINKS OF YOU.   I know that it's a paradox. you obviously want her tolike you, but you have to not care what she thinks of you.   Well, get over it.   Women aren't attracted to men who are APPROVAL SEEKERS.   And if a woman throws out a comment like "I like tallguys", you must first learn to NOT CARE, and not let itimpact you emotionally.   Then you'll be free to redirect the conversation anddecide if she's the kind of woman that YOU would like togo out with.   By the way, when you are interacting with a woman, oneof the MOST IMPORTANT FACTORS that will determine whether ornot she will feel ATTRACTION for you is YOUR BELIEFS AND HOWYOU COMMUNICATE THEM.   And you are constantly communicating your beliefs withyour body language, voice tone, words, topics, questions,and everything else you do.THE MAILBAG: Creating "ACCIDENTAL ATTRACTION"*COMMENT FROM A WOMAN*Hey David.I'm a woman that signed up for your emails out of curiosity. I think what you're telling men is right on. I've dated a lot of guys, and I feel a lo