月浙江高考读后续写讲评.pptx
One weekend in July,Jane and her husband,Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,“Imgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”andwalkedaway.Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforest and,far beyond,a snowcapped mountain top.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.第1页/共19页Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundtoastream.Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.As she picked her way carefully along the stream,Jane heard ahelicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasdark._ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup._第2页/共19页续写批改要求：语言-功能与目的是否完成了交际任务，即，意义的表达与传达。Writer表达的与Reader理解的是否一致。写的东西是否makesense,正确和完整性。给分档次融洽度：人物，地点，事件等与前文相符合。晚上Jane做了生么？从Jane的角度去写。这样衔接才合理。“文气”-读起来通畅，舒服。关键词对续写起框定和引导作用：人物：Jane/Tom环境：theforest器物：helicopter/yellowblouse动作：walked/climbed内容如何丰富：1）同义词、反义词替换。2）故事情节上下功夫。15分为及格分。批卷时：先确定档次，再定给分。以语言为主，情节次之。全抄的零分，拼凑的有意义的，给12分。少于130个字的扣2分。第3页/共19页考生作文（2）P1Janewasexhaustedsinceshehadwalkedforseveralhoursalongthestream.However,shestillmanagedtocovera big rock with her yellow blouse,wondering if anotherhelicopter would notice this remarkable sign.She wasconvinced that the lake was nearby.After doing this,sheeventuallyclosedhereyesandhadasoundsleep.P2 She struggled to her feet and found herself in a tent.Walkingoutside,ahelicoptercameintohersight.“Yousee,itdidsaveyourlife.”saidTom,whohandedahotchocolatetoJane.“ThemomentIlosttrackofyou,Icalledthepolicetofindyou.Inspiteofthefirsttwofailedattempts,wesawyouryellow blouse last night.”Something stuck in Janes throatandshecouldsaynothingwithtearswellingupinhereyes.The couple hugged each other in the morning breeze.(148words)第4页/共19页短文续写高分特质融洽度融洽度与衔接与衔接内容内容与关键词与关键词语法结构语法结构与词汇与词汇句间句间连接连接 与与结构结构高；合理高；合理丰富；丰富；5个个丰富丰富；准确准确有效有效；紧凑；紧凑1）合理推理逻辑）合理推理逻辑性强；人称、时性强；人称、时态、态、原文词块、原文词块、句式顺承度高；句式顺承度高；2）思路立意高远；）思路立意高远；3）文风协调一致；文风协调一致；情节推进情节推进细节展开细节展开关键词关键词多且标注多且标注多种句式多种句式语法正确语法正确表达地道表达地道关联词关联词合理合理情节紧密情节紧密第5页/共19页样卷1(23分)But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Feelingscared and helpless,Janesatbeside a tree and held her shoulder in herarmstomakeherselfwarm.Slowly,thesunhid himself behind the moutains,anditwashard to see anything.Looking through the thick darkness,Jane seemed to see Tomssmilingface.Shesaidtoherselfforthousandstimes that she would not leave Tom again.Withamindtofindhim,Janestratedtolookfor the lake in darkness.An hour later,shewastootired.She lay down on a rock.第6页/共19页It was daybreak when Jane woke up.It was afoggy day.Jane climbed down the rock.Sheheard the sound of the stream,so she walkedtowardthewater.Shesuddenlyheardsomeonesvoice.Tohergreatjoy,itwasTom!Herushedtoherandhuggedhiswifefirmly.Theircrywhichwas full of happiness broke the silence in theforest.Afterseveralminutes,whenthefogwassweptbythewind,Janefiguredouteverything:last night she walked here accidentally.Tomrecognized her by the yellow blouse in themorning.Mostamazing,it was the car that Jane slept on rather than a rock!第7页/共19页样卷2（18分）But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane became more and more nervous.She thoughtshe would be starve to death this time.How she wish ahelicoptercouldcome.Butitdidnthappen.Shecontinuedtowalktofindanopenareasothathecouldflagheryellowblouse.However,itwastoodarktolookaroundclearly.SoJanemadeadecision.Shedidntwanttogoonanymore.Shewassotiredandfindanareawhichwasfullofgrass.Shesleeptsoon.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Shewasveryhungryand thirsty.She remembered the stream where she hadlooked.Shewalkedbackalongthepath.“IfIdidntquarrelwithTom,IfIstaywithTom,didntwalkedaway.Wemusthave a good and romantic evening.”Jane began to cry,When she felt hopeless,a helicopter came again.To hergreatjoy,Tomstoodatfrontofheratadistance.Janewasshocked and ran towards him.They hugged each othertightly.Tomsaid,“Iwontleaveyoualoneanymore.”Fortunately,Janewasfoundandtheycontinuedtheirexcitingjourney.第8页/共19页样卷3.(15分)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again，Janefeltsodisappointedandlone.Noonewasherebuther,andshehadnothingwithher.Butshedidntlikebefore,shehadrealized that Tom was thinking idea to help her.So sheshouldkeepherselfsafetytowaitforhelp.Inaddition,shemadeaplanthatsheshouldreachthelakeonthemorning.Becausethelakewasthecomplyplace.Thenshefellintoasleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Janealreadyhadherplansosheneeddoit.Afterseveralhoursshereachedthelake and heard the helicopter again.She felt excited andshookedheryellowblousetomakeothersseeher.FinallyshesawTomandrushedtohimandgavehimabighug.Shasaidincry,“Ishouldntannoyyou.Ishouldntwalkawaybymyself.ImwrongandIreallyloveyou.”Tomforgaveherandfinallytheylivedinabetterrelationshipthanbefore.第9页/共19页样卷4（13分）But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Janewasverydisappointed,butshedidntgiveup.Shestillkeptwalking,andtriedherbesttofindthelake,shewasscreamedwhenhewalkedontheroad.In the end,because she was too tired that shestoppedtoscream.Sheclimbedahighplaceandfallasleep quickly.ButToms face crowded in her mindbeforesheclosedhereyes.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Tohersurprised,she found Tom was alongside her!She asked Tomwhyshewasinthere.Tomsaidhecalledthepolcetohelphim,andtheydrivedthehelicopterthefoundherlaidinahighplace.Janewassomoved,thenshetoldTomhowmuchshelovedhim,andpromisedshewillneverdoitagain!Tomwasveryhappyandtheyneverhavesomequarrels.第10页/共19页考生作文 1.(23-24)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was sad.She sat by the stream,resting her aching feet.If I hadnt quarreled with Tom,I wouldnt have to be here.Jane thought regretfully,with tears welling up in her eyes.She wanted to say sorry to Tom for losing her temper.However,the only thing she could do was lie by the stream and wait for help.It was getting late and Jane fell asleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She stood up to find something to eat.She walked and walked until she came to an open area where water and berries were available.Suddenly,she heard a helicopter.She took off her yellow blouse and began shaking it widely,hoping someone could see her.She shouted out“Tom”.The helicopter slowed down and landed on the ground.With the door open,Tom ran out.Seeing Jane,he was so excited and couldnt contain his joy.He hugged Jane tightly.“Tom,I wont lose my temper again.I want to stay with you forever.”Jane said in tears.第11页/共19页2.(23分)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Feeling scared and helpless,Jane sat beside a tree andheld her shoulder in her arms to make herself warmer.Slowly,the sun hid himself behind the mountains,and it was hard to see anything.Looking through the thick darkness,Jane seemed to see Toms smiling face.She said to himself for thousands times that she would not leave Tom again.Withamindtofindhim,Janestartedtolookforthelakeindarkness.Anhourlater,shewastootired,soshelaydownonarock.第12页/共19页3.(20分)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was too tired to walk.Then she sat on a stone,drinking and eating a few berries.Althoug it was dark,she could also see the stream.Sheshouted,“Tom,Imwaitingforyouhere,Iloveyou!”And she believed that her family will come soon when she wake up tomorrow.Eventually,shesleptquietlyandsmiled.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Fortunately,itseemedthattherewasahelicoptercomingatadistance.Shestoodupandwalkedtowardsthesound.Shefollowedthesoundand shouted;“Help me!Im here!”.While climbing to anopenarea,shewatchedahelicopter,shewavedheryellowblouseandshouted,“Hey,pleasehelpme,stop!stop!.Tohergreatjoy,thehelicopterstopped.Afewminuteslater,she heard that there are many people walking to her,Eventually,Tomrantoherquicklyandhuggedher“Jane,Imcoming!”Theysmiledwiththetearrunningout.第13页/共19页4.(15分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain，Janefeltsodisappointedandlone.Noonewasherebuther,andshehadnothingwithher.Butshedidntlikebefore,shehadrealized that Tom was thinking idea to help her.So sheshouldkeepherselfsafetytowaitforhelp.Inaddition,shemadeaplanthatsheshouldreachthelakeonthemorning.Becausethelakewasthecomplyplace.Thenshefellintoasleep.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Janealreadyhadherplansosheneeddoit.Afterseveralhoursshereachedthelake and heard the helicopter again.She felt excited andshookedheryellowblousetomakeothersseeher.FinallyshesawTomandrushedtohimandgavehimabighug.Shasaidincry,“Ishouldntannoyyou.Ishouldntwalkawaybymyself.ImwrongandIreallyloveyou.”Tomforgaveherandfinallytheylivedinabetterrelationshipthanbefore.第14页/共19页5.(12分)But no helicopters came and it was getting darkagain，Jane started shouting,But she was tiredvery much.She didnt have power to shout rightaway.Shestartedclimbingthesmallmountainafterresting.She heard a helicopter again.Sheresponded.Andthen,Janeheardsomethingtoher.RightawayTomwasrunning toher.Janestartedcrying,Butshewastootoyedtospeak.Tomtookherwifetohome.Itwas daybreak when Jane woke up.Jane cried,said.“Iamsorry,Tom.Imissyou.IwanttotellyouhowmuchIloveyou.Iamgrateful,Thanksforyoucanfingme.Younevergiveupme.Ishouldntwalkawayalone.”Finally,theykissed.第15页/共19页(考生作文)（1）Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Consumedbyregret,Janestoodhopelessly,startingtoblameherself.“HowcouldIbesoirresponsibletoleaveTomandwalkawayirrationally?”Janemurmured.Tearsblurredhereyesastheunspeakableanguishwrungherheart.However,allofasudden,Tomshandsomefacepoppedintohermind,whichremindedJaneofthesignificanceoflife.Howeverharshthepresentwas,therewasalwaysagleamofhope!Onsoberreflection,Janedeterminedtostrugglealiving.Shecamebacktothestream,dranksomewater,andwenttosleeptosaveherenergy.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Tohergreatjoy,sheheardahelicopteragain!Sherushedtoanopenarea,wavingheryellowblousefrantically.Fortunately,thehelicopterseemedtonoticeherexistenceandflewdownwards,whichblewawaythegloomycloudshoveringoverherhead.Janejumpedwildlyintotheairofexcitement,waitingforthehelicoptertorescueher.Surprisingly,afewminuteslater,Tomgotoutofthehelicopter.HisfacecrackedintosmileashesawJanestandingthere,safeandsound.Theyhuggedtightlywithtearsstreamingdowntheircheeks.Thentheygotonthehelicoptertogether,headingtothelakewhichtheywerelongingfor.Sittingontheseat,Janefeltunprecedentedcosiness.LookingatTomstwinklingeyes,shepromisedtoherselfthatshewouldneverleavehimagain.(242words)第16页/共19页考生的典型错误：用否定造句，中式化，词性用错：I dont familiar with Canada.If your family have special culture I should know.It is the first time that I go to Canada.I would appreciated that /I feel appreciated ifI will arrived therea exchange studentI look forward to meet youI will arrive in 2017.6.1I hope you can write to me quickly(soon).I will become a exchange student go to CanadaI will arrive in April 8thCan you tell me what should I have to prepare pick up meI am nervous Because I dont know any whomI very like reading books I have some problems that what can I do for the studyI will arrive after 2 months第17页/共19页表达尚可：1.Itrulycantwait2.Thrilledly,Iwillcomeandliveinyourhome.3.Imconvincedthatwewillliveinharmonywitheachother.4.Asscheduled,myplanewilltakeoff/arriveonMyplaneisduetoarriveon5.Inordertohaveaperfectexperience,Iamsupposedtomakesomenecessarypreparations.6.MayIhavearoomwithaccesstotheInternet?7.Iwonderifyoucouldoffermesomeadvice/suggestions8.Thisbeingmyfirsttripto.Ifeel9.Wouldyousokindastopickmeupattheairport?10.SoactiveamIthatIbelieveitwillbeawonderfulexperiencewithyourfamily.11.Itisnodenyingthefactthatwewillhaveawonderfulexperiencetogether.12.Wordsfailtoexpressmygratitude13.ImLiHua,anexchangestudentwhoare(am)pleasedtolivewithyounextterm.14.SoconfusedamIthatIhavenoideawhattoprepareforthistrip.Lookingforwardtoyourreplyatyourearliestconvenience.ImwritingtoinformyouthatIwillgotoCanadanexttermasanexchangestudent.第18页/共19页感谢您的观看！第19页/共19页
