2023年上海市中考英语【热点·重点·难点】二轮综合复习-热点03 书面表达之校园欺凌问题（教师版）.docx

热点03书面表达之校园欺凌问题（教师版）（建议用时：30分钟）中考书面表达题贴近学生实际生活，紧密联系热点话题，写作话题真实从而让考生有话 可写。书面表达情景实用性程度高，上海试题都符合同学们的认知水平和日常生活经历，题 目设计关注学生成长，注意培养其良好的道德品质和健全的人格。近年来，关于中小学生安 全救护话题热度很高，社会中关于安全救护的事件也是频发，2022年11月22日，河南鹤壁 校园再次发生欺凌事件，引发全社会关注与讨论，故此专题为今年中考一大热点。满分技巧写作思路培养中考英语写作评分标准：作文评价基本要求内容（8分）内容切题、充实、不写废话；意思连贯，表达清楚、准确、完整语法（8分）语言基本正确；用语规范、无或少见语法错误；拼写、大小写和 标点正确结构（4分）词汇和句式句型运用恰当自如；文中有值得肯定的好句型和表达 形式（每次考试可能按照对扣分情况做微调，但总体8+8+4原则不变）实际评分标准：l.Globalscoring 整体评分：很多老师其实不是每个部分分项评分，很多情况下，阅读完第一句第二句在脑海里给出 一个大致的该学生的起评点，12+, 15+, 10+,所以首句很重要，首句以及后面的一句会对 该起评点多少有一定作用。2 .字数问题：80-90最佳，105以上啰嗦影响评分，60字以下直接扣内容分3-4分。中考写作要把握 “止损”原则，不要一味地多写。首先中考试卷部分大致格子加上利用空隙最大程度只能完成 115字左右，从来也没有老师因为你多写而给你额外分数，在完成写作后，多写只能增加 “失误”“错误”的可能性。3 .要点问题：【答案】例文:Campus Violence （校园暴力）happens f?om time to tim。nowadays. It is hairofUl for students. It hurts not only our bodies but also our minds. As a student, we should follow the school rules. School rules play an important role in helping students to behave well. We should listen to the teachers and parents and be strict with ourselves. Whafs more, keep away from Internet bar, or it willhave a bad influence on our healthand study. Go to school or go home on time. To be a good student, we must be polite and friendly, do not fight with each other. When we have trouble, communicate with our parents and teachers. Theycan helpus to solve many problems.I hope we will all become good students.【详解】1.题干解读：本文是一篇材料作文，要求以“规范自我行为，做个合格中学生”为主题写一篇短 文。根据材料要点提示，从遵守校规校纪、诚恳待人接物、正确自我防范等方面展开。2.写作指导：文章以第一人称、一般现在时为主，注意主谓一致问题；写作时注意涵盖题目中给出的要点，保证文章条理清晰、语句通顺。根据要求如果以下要点仅供参考，不包括不会直接扣分，不要受到要点干扰。但实际情 况中，不包括任何一条得高分非常少。所谓Guided Writing提示，是给学生扩展思路的。 4.特殊案例：白卷0分，与本文无任何关系的作文6分为最高分。5.总体印象分是一把双刃剑。不能为了写总体印象分，用所谓难词，结果发生语法错误，扣语言分，还要扣总体印象 分。何为总体印象分？就是有气势，有腔调，适合中学老师口味，不能高于他们的认知标 准。10 年前 When I was five, I listened to radio.11 年前 Try to do sth. stop doing现在的形势 I am a boy who is keen on musicDo all the possible means to do sth.Certainly, I w川For the reason that.Only by .can we .I am deeply convinced thatTake up painting12 一模二模考试写作满分情况比较少，一般一模二模会比中考真题批分相对严格。 评卷流程：电脑阅卷2人一组，组长台上监控。两人分值不能相差太大4分（仅供参考），超过额定分值退 回重新批改（仅供参考）。阅卷速度其实阅卷者每天有一定的阅卷量，真正停留在每个考生的阅卷时间其实还是有限的，但 一定是充足的。教师每天在完成大量阅卷工作后，也会有一定的审美疲劳，所以首句一定要出彩。（供 参考）教师实际阅卷重点：1、首句：首句出错，印象非常糟糕2、连接词/逻辑3、末句4、内容/例子5、模版使用/套题热点话题校园安全、校园欺凌、校园暴力1限时检测近年来校园欺凌事件频频发生，为了提高青少年的自我防范意识和保护能力，某中学围绕校园欺凌(bully v.)问题召开主题班会。假定你是班长李华，以How to protect ourselves in school为标题写一篇短文，主要包括如下内容：1 .校园欺凌对我们的影响。2 .要求每个学生都学习相关知识。3 .遇到校园欺凌时要冷静处置；及时告诉老师和家长；在校要友好待人，遵守校规4 .请求大家团结起来，校园会变得更美好。要求：1 .要点齐全，并适当发挥；2 .文中不得出现真实姓名与校名；3 .卷面整洁，书写美观，可适当加23分；4 . 80词左右。开头与结尾已给出，不计入总词数。How can we protect ourselves at school?School bullies happen in almost every school. In my school,Let's get together and make an effort to stop bullying. Tm hoping that no school bullies will happen at school in the future.【答案】例文:How can we protect ourselves at school?School bullies happen in almost every school. In my school, we sometimes have bullies and some students are hurt, so it is really bad for us to bully others or be bullied at school. So we will learn how to protect ourselves at school.Here are some of my ideas about stopping school bullies. Firstly, We are supposed to stop any school bully when we are in the trouble of it. For example, we should keep calm before a bullying behavior happens. We should ask our teachers and parents fbr help as soon as possible or we can call the police in time. Secondly, we should be peaceful with others at all times and can't have any rude behavior. We should always be friendly and helpful when making friends with others. Finally, following school rules is also a way to avoid school bullies.Let's get together and make an effort to stop bullying. Tm hoping that no school bullies will happen at school in the future.【详解】1.题干解读：该题目属于说明文写作。在写作时应承接短文开头，呼应短文结尾；要求我们对 “校园欺凌''这个事件展开，并联系实际，发表自己的观点。2.写作指导：本文应该用第一人称来叙述；时态采用一般现在时为主；要将题目中要求的所有内容都包括 在作文中，不能遗漏要点；可以根据表达需要适当发挥，使文章内容更加充实、完整，但需要注意合理 性，要紧贴题目要求和文章主旨；同时语句之间使用恰当的连接成分，使行文连贯、自然。二.请你根据上面五个问题的内容及你的回答，结合以下提示，lHow Can We Protect Ourselves at School?"为题，写一篇80/00词的英语短文。文中不得出现真实校名和人名。提示：1 .谨慎交友。2 .不参与打架斗殴。3 .面对校园欺凌怎样自我保护。参考词汇：1. self-protection （自我保护）2. bully（n./v.欺凌）3. personal safety （人身安全）4. have violent behaviors（打架斗殴）How Can We Protect Ourselves at School?【答案】How Can We Protect Ourselves at School?School bullies happen in almost every school. In my school, we sometimes have bullies and some students are hurt, so it is really bad fbr us to bully others or be bullied at school.We are supposed to stop any school bully when we are in the trouble of it. For example, we should stay calm before a bullying behavior happens. We should always be friendly and helpful when making friends with others. Here are some of my ideas about stopping school bullies. Firstly, we will learn how to have a selfprotection because our personal safety is the most important. Secondly, we should be peaceful with others at all times and can*t have any violent behavior. Finally, obeying school rules is also a way to avoid school bullies.Fm hoping that no school bullies will happen at school in the future ,do you think so?【详解】这是一篇话题作文，以“How Can We Protect Ourselves at School?”为题，写一篇80-100词的英语 短文。本文人称主要第一人称，时态主要是一般现在时。仔细阅读所给材料，认真审题，确定主题，确 定要点，根据要点适当发挥，列出提纲。短文必须包含提示内容。字数80-100词。要运用合适的连接词 或过渡词，使文章具有连贯性。根据提示要点，列出本文的写作提纲。写完以后，注意再读一遍，看看 有无单词拼写、标点、语法错误(时态、主谓一致等)。本文提纲：在学校我们如何保护自己？几乎每个学校都有欺负学校的行为。在我的学校里，我们有时会被欺负，一些学生会受到伤害，所 以在学校欺负别人或被欺负对我们来说真的很不好。当我们遇到校园欺凌的麻烦时，我们应该阻止任何校园欺凌。例如，在发生欺凌行为之前，我们应 该保持冷静。与他人交朋友时，我们应该总是友好和乐于助人。以下是我关于制止学校欺负的一些想 法。首先，我们将学习如何自我保护，因为我们的人身安全是最重要的。第二，我们要时刻与他人和睦 相处，不能有任何暴力行为。最后，遵守校规也是避免学校欺负的一种方式。我希望将来学校里不会发生欺负学生的事，你这么认为吗？【点睛】书面表达题要求将所规定的材料内容经整理后展开思维，考查运用所学英语知识准确表达意思 的能力。所以，考生不能遗漏要点，要尽量使用自己熟悉的单词、短语和句式，语言要规范，时态运用 要正确，叙述清楚条里，信息表达清晰、完整，意思连贯。写作六步法：1 .审题：文体，时态，人称。2. 抓住要点：要点是否齐全，适当补充。3.扩充句子：通过增加状语，定语，连词，使句子意思饱满充实。 4,连句成文，合理使用连词。5,改正错误：拼写是否错误，语法时态是否正确，连词是否恰当等。6誉写 作文：注意书写工整美观整洁。三.为配合扫黑除恶专项整治工作，杜绝校园欺凌，打造和谐安定校园，作为中学生，我们应该怎 样做呢？请根据以下提示，写一篇不少于80词的英语作文。提示：1 .尊敬老师(respect the teachers),努力学习。2,与同学融洽相处(get on well with),互相帮助。3 .不要与他人吵架，不偷盗他人物品。4 .遵守学校的规章制度(follow the school rules),不下河洗澡，不携带管制刀具(restricted knives)o5 .不要私自会见陌生人，遇险应报警。要求：1.语句通顺，语意连贯。2运用以上提示词，内容可适当发挥。6 .作文开头已给出，不计入总词数。It's important fbr us students to have a harmonious and stable campus.【答案】例文：It's important fbr us students to have a harmonious and stable campus. Ifs good fbr our life and study. As students, we should do something to create a harmonious and stable campus.Firstly, we should respect the teachers and study hard. Secondly, we should get on well with our classmates, and we should help each other. Thirdly, we should not fight with others or steal others, things. What's more, we must follow the school rules. We can't swim in the rivers or take restricted knives to school. Lastly, we should not meet the strangers alone. And we should call the police when we are in danger.It's our duty to keep our campus harmonious and stable. Let's start from today.【详解】1.题干解读：本文是一篇材料作文。根据所给提示，写一篇作文关于解决校园欺凌、打造和谐安 定校园。2.写作指导：本文时态采用一般现在时；人称采用第一人称行文。写作时涵盖要点，不要遗漏，内容可适 当发挥，适当使用连词使文章更加连贯。最后力求语句通顺，无单词语法错误。四.书面表达以“How to Keep Safe in the School? ”为题，写一篇100词左右的短文。内容包括：1 .描述一件发生在你身上或你看到的发生在校园的意外事件(经过与结果);2 .提出解决这种校园意外事件的建议（至少两条）;3 .呼吁每个学生都要注意校园安全。How to Keep Safe in the School?【答案】How to Keep Safe in the SchoolDo you know that our school life could be dangerous if we are not careful enough? For example one day, two students ran after each other in the hallway. Suddenly, one of them fell down and hurt his leg because of the wet floor. Therefore, he had to stay in hospital for two weeks. So I think students should always walk but not run in the hallways. And the teachers had better keep an eye on the students after class and stop them from running. At last, I hope all the students should pay attention to their safety in school.【详解】1 .题干解读：该题目主要讲述校园安全问题。热门话题，与生活息息相关选。2 .例文点评：例文根据内容要求先描述事件，时态采用一般过去时为主；其次提出关于校园安全的建议, 用一般现在时；最后呼吁每个学生都要注意校园安全。内容完整，连贯。3 .高分亮点：短语： For example> ran after> fell down> keep an eye on> stop.from.> pay attentiono 句型：if引导的条件状语从句、宾语从句、had better do stho五.近来，校园暴力频发，引起无数人关注。请你根据下列图表和相关文字提示，以“Build a civilized school”为题，用英语写一篇短文。要点具体内容 30.2%的学生亲眼目睹。15.6%的学生亲身经历。41%的学生选择报告老师、家长或警察。危害恐惧；厌学；自卑；国家：颁布法律；措施 社会：呼吁学校和家庭关注生命教育和心理教育；个人：就如何从自己做起，正确处理和同学的关系，提出你的建议（至少两点）。注意：L短文应包括所给内容要点，可适当发挥，使文章连贯;2 .词数90左右，短文开头已给出，不计入总词数；3 .短文中不得提及考生所在学校及自己的姓名等信息。4 .参考词汇:civilized 文明的；psychological education 心理教育;buly 欺负（动词）.Build a civilizedRecently, school bullying has become a serious problem.【答案】例文Build a civilized schoolRecently, school bullying has become a serious problem. 15.6 percent of students are bullied at school and 30.2 of the students see others bullied. 41% of the victims choose to tell the police, teachers and parents about their situation, while 51% of them choose to keep silent. School bullying has a great impact on students. They will become tired of studying and be afraid of anything. And they will also feel inferior.In order to change the situation, we must take actions. First of all, the government should make laws to punish these people who bully others. What's more, schools and parents should pay attention to life education and psychological education. The most important is that students should realize the harm of bullying and try to get on well with other. When in trouble, ask the adults for help immediately.I hope through working together, we will build a civilized school.【详解】1 .题干解读：本文主要以“Build a civilized school”为题根据表格内容写一篇有关校园暴力的文 章，可适当增加细节。2.写作指导：本文以一般现在时和第三人称为主。第一段主要描述校园暴力的现状和危害；第二段讲述为 阻止校园暴力采取的措施；第三段表达希望。写作时运用不同的句式和短语使文章层次清晰，做到无单 词拼写和语法错误。六.目前，校园暴力时有发生，已经危害到中学生的身心健康。作为中学生应该懂得如何规范自身 的行为习惯，保护自身安全，远离校园暴力。请以“规范自我行为，做个合格中学生”为主题写一篇短文。 内容要点如下：1 .遵守学校纪律，听从老师、家长的教育，严格要求自己。2 .远离网吧，按时上学、回家。3 .待人礼貌、友好，不与同学打架。4 .遇到困难多与父母及老师沟通。要求：1.必须用到以上信息，可适当发挥；5 .文章中请勿提及真实人名、校名等相关信息；6 .词数在80词左右，文章开头已给出，不计入总词数；7 .要求句子连贯，语意通顺，书写规范。参考词¥匚：follow the school rules, be strict with, keep away from Internet bar, fight withCampus Violence （校园暴力）happens from time to time nowadays. It is harmful fbr students. It hurts not only our bodies but also our minds. As a student,