读后续写：邮件中的文化课件-2024届高考英语作文复习专项.pptx

例题 All I knew was that,when I heard a young girls voice in distress,I had to do something.It was on the flight to Iceland with a dear friend with cancer.He asked me to accompany him as he travelled to get some medical scans in Europe.We were all settled in for a long flight,off on an adventure to a hospital in Holland where I would support him.It wasnt long before I heard a man belittling(贬低)a sobbing girl directly behind me.I couldnt ignore what was happening.This was obviously a girl in a very dangerous situation.My friend didnt hear any of it,so he had no idea what I was thinking.I was witnessing,with my ears only,a guy verbally abusing a girl,who was crying uncontrollably:“fatretarded（迟钝的）what did I see in you?!”Her boyfriend continued to upset her with no regard for her tears.He didnt care.He was controlling her,and this was his intention.I noticed the napkin used for my water cup and recognised it was something I could write on.If I could get a note to her without him seeing,maybe this would help her understand she needed to run away from him FAST.This was happening behind me,so I thought,I could wait until he went to the bathroom and passed her the note.I glanced behind me periodically,and he finally left.I didnt know what she looked like.I didnt know if our eyes ever met.All I knew then was she now had a note from someone who cared,with my e-mail address,asking if she wanted to contact a total stranger who had observed her desperate situation.It was so dangerous that I couldnt even risk sharing my phone number and taking a chance that it would land in her boyfriends hands.Sometimes there are situations we cannot ignore.My dad taught me to never leave a place wishing I had done or said something.That was going through my mind.I actually did something and I wished it could make a difference.Paragraph 1:I did get a response from this young girl,revealing there was not only verbal abuse but physical abuse as well._Paragraph 2:It turned out that my note had started getting the girl on the path to saving herself._邮件是英语国家主流的信息沟通方式邮件是英语国家主流的信息沟通方式在英语国家，写邮件是生活日常。大到和导师交流论文，小到和饭店预约座位，几乎都是通过邮件来完成的。在新高考小作文中，邮件也占有重要一席之地。邮件虽然广泛运用于英语国家的生活和工作的方方面面，但在多数中国学生的生活经验里，邮件只不过是考场上一个叫李华的人需要写的应用文而已。文化和国情不同，处在非商务和政务环境中的中国学生的网络沟通主要还是用即时通讯软件来进行的（比如：微信、QQ等）。没有真实的生活经验依托，学生对写邮件的必要性以及邮件文化的理解往往是不够的，考场上写起邮件来自然会缺乏邮件该有的规范性和效率性。故事梗概故事梗概在一次飞往冰岛的航班上，作者“我”陪一位患有癌症的朋友去做治疗。飞机刚起飞不久，我就听到后座有一个年轻女孩在哭泣，她的男友在不顾她的泪水，不断辱骂她。我感到我不能无视这一幕，于是当那个男人去洗手间时，我趁机给那个女孩递了一张写有我的电子邮件地址的纸条，希望她能意识到她需要远离这个男人主要人物：（主要人物是续写的笔墨重点所在）主要人物：（主要人物是续写的笔墨重点所在）作者“我”和坐在“我”身后的那名女孩次要人物：（次要人物不需要投入太多描写精力）次要人物：（次要人物不需要投入太多描写精力）“我”的朋友和那名女孩的男朋友续写思路建议续写思路建议第一段首句：通过邮件得知那名女孩的处境变得更糟糕了。她的男友对她的虐待从口头暴力进一步发展到肢体上的暴力。（I did get a response from this young girl,revealing there was not only verbal abuse but physical abuse as well.）一种可行的续写思路是：围绕“我”和那名女孩的邮件通讯往来展开。向读者展示“我”和这名女孩的邮件沟通交流邮件沟通交流邮件沟通交流邮件沟通交流(email (email correspondence)correspondence)。第二段首句：我给女孩的纸条留言起到了作用。她开始了自我拯救。（It turned out that my note had started getting the girl on the path to saving herself.）一种可行的续写思路是：经过“我”细致的邮件沟通邮件沟通邮件沟通邮件沟通和疏导，女孩开始觉悟了。她开始了自我拯救，成功脱离了对自己实施口头和肢体暴力的男友。学生写作中的内容编写共性问题学生写作中的内容编写共性问题在给学生进行作文面批的过程中，我们发现不少学生没有注意到原文中email这个关键信息，没有在续写中利用好“邮件沟通”这个故事编写抓手。有的学生的续写是：“我”得到了女子的回应，在现场（飞机上）和就和女子以及女子的男友展开了正面对话，三五几句话就说服了女子主动脱离“家暴男”，实现了自我拯救。显而易见，分分钟就实现让被家暴（包括：口头和肢体）的人脱离困境这样的描写缺乏必要的真实性和写作诚意。当然，从出题的角度观察，续写的首段的开头句是否可以设置得更为明确是一个值得讨论的问题。有学生表示他们没有理解续写首段的开头句“I did get a response from this young girl,”中的response 是当场（飞机上）还是后续（下飞机后）的回应。一种更好的出题改进方式是给出明确的时间状语，比如：Two days later,Two days later,I did get a response from this young girl,这样做可以明确叙事的时间线，减少主观理解的不确定性。I did get a response from this young girl,revealing there was not only verbal abuse but physical abuse as well.She expressed gratitude for the note,saying it was a beacon of hope in a very dark time.The courage to reach out to me,a stranger,highlighted the desperation and determination to escape her current situation.She shared the continuous cycle of abuse she endured,emphasizing how my small act of kindness was the first time someone acknowledged her pain and offered a way out.This response made me realize the impact of intervening in situations that seem beyond our control,providing a glimmer of hope to those who feel utterly helpless.(93 words)It turned out that my note had started getting the girl on the path to saving herself.She found the strength to leave her boyfriend and end the abusive relationship.My note was a turning point for her,enabling her to see there were people who cared and that she was not alone in her struggle.Through our email correspondence,I learned of her journey towards recovery and self-love.This entire experience echoed my fathers wisdom,reinforcing the profound impact of taking action,no matter how small it may seem.It was a reminder that even the simplest gestures of kindness can have profound effects on someones life.(91words)0101 写作策略亮点写作策略亮点杨老师写作策略上的亮点主要有两个：第一，他充分利用原文中email这个关键信息，在续写中以“邮件沟通”作为故事编写的抓手（“Through our email correspondence”）耐心细致合理地展开了故事叙述。第二，他在续写中充分利用了原文中的重要概念（note、desperate situation、abuse、boyfriend、father），展现了续写和原文较高的融洽度。0202 词汇和表达积累词汇和表达积累a beacon of hope 希望的灯塔a glimmer of hope 一线希望abusive adj.受虐待的intervene(in a situation)v.干预beyond ones control 不受某人的控制utterly adv.完全地correspondence n.通信往来echo v.回响、重复、附和（想法或者观点）reinforce v.加强gesture of kindness 善意的姿态Situation 语境（社会文化）：.spent the first week.trying hard to keep head above water.One of the major headaches for her was finding her way in the huge school building.Having a poor sense of direction,Eva found it impossible to get around in such a huge building.There was nothing she feared more than having to run a whole mile.To Eva,“a mile”was used to describe long distances.It was ten miles from her home to her grandfathers,and that always seemed like a long way,even in a car!角色（Eva）：smart,intelligent,persistentComplication and ResolutionIn this passage,the plot line and the emotion line intertwine and push each other forward.写前思考：Paragraph 1:When Coach Pitt said“Nice work!”to her at the Paragraph 1:When Coach Pitt said“Nice work!”to her at the finish line,Eva was surprised.finish line,Eva was surprised.Qs:How Eva felt about her completion of running a mile?(How Coach and other students react?)How Eva felt about her mind trick?Paragraph 2:Eva decided to use the same trick to deal with the Paragraph 2:Eva decided to use the same trick to deal with the school building.school building.Qs:How Eva applied the trick?How did it work?How Eva felt about it?Still a headache?一、英美人士对长辈直呼姓名。一、英美人士对长辈直呼姓名。一、英美人士对长辈直呼姓名。一、英美人士对长辈直呼姓名。在第一段最后一句中“And his dad,Albert,took the money my dad earned and used it to pay family expenses.”，我们可以看到“他的爸爸，阿尔伯特，拿走了我爸挣的钱补贴家用”，作者直呼自己爷爷的姓名。这在汉语的语境中，是对长辈的不尊不敬，但在英美文化中，是被接受的。在英美文化中，在孩子小的时候一般称呼父母Dad和Mom，祖父母grandpa和grandma，但是在步入成年后，子女为了表示平等独立，有可能直呼长辈的姓名，不被认为是“大逆不道”。在结婚后，父母更愿意让女婿和儿媳直呼自己的名，以示平等。在称呼老师和上司时，一般加Mr.Mrs.和 Maam等，以示尊敬，但是在熟悉了之后，尤其已然成年后，晚辈可以直呼长辈和上司的名字。二、二、a quarterback on a football teama quarterback on a football team在美国，橄榄球特别流行，其中quarterback四分卫是美式橄榄球（又称美式足球）和加拿大式足球中的一个战术位置。四分卫是进攻组的一员，传球能力和领导能力一流，通常是临场指挥的领袖，大部分的进攻由他发动。四分卫通常是除了中锋以外第一个接触球的人。所以男孩子都以成为“四分卫”而骄傲，挣着抢着要当。