SueJayeJohnson_2017S[苏洁伊强生][我们教导孩子性爱时少教了什么].pdf
www.XiYuS锡育软件I remember my aunt brushing my hair when I was a child.我還記得小時候,姑姑幫我梳頭髮。00:12I felt this tingling in my stomach,this swelling in my belly.肚子裡那種搔癢的感受,慢慢鼓脹的熱度。00:16All her attention on me,just me.她所有的注意力都在我身上,只在我身上。00:21My beautiful Aunt Bea,stroking my hair with a fine-bristledbrush.我美麗的畢雅姑姑,用鬃毛梳一下 又一下梳著我的頭髮。00:24Do you have a memory like that that you can feel in yourbody right now?你有沒有像這樣的記憶,到現在還讓你記憶猶新？00:30Before language,were all sensation.在語言出現之前,我們全靠感覺。00:35As children,thats how we learn to differentiate ourselves inthe world-through touch.孩提時代,我們用觸摸 界定自己在世上的位置00:39Everything goes in the mouth,the hands,on the skin.把東西放進嘴裡、抓在手上,或用皮膚去感覺。00:43Sensation-it is the way that we first experience love.感性 是我們最初體驗到愛的方式。00:46Its the basis of human connection.它是人類連結的基礎。00:52We want our children to grow up to have healthy intimaterelationships.我們希望我們的孩子長大後 能有健康、親密的關係。00:56So as parents,one of the things that we do is we teach ourchildren about sex.身為父母,我們會做的其中一件事就是 教我們的孩子關於性愛的知識。01:00brushing:adj.擦拭的;疾驰的/n.刷净;干扰;创面电灼术 tingling:n.麻刺感;发出叮当声/v.刺痛;激动;鸣响(tingle的ing形式)swelling:n.肿胀;膨胀;增大;涨水/adj.膨胀的;肿大的;突起的/v.肿胀;膨胀;增多;趾高气扬(swell的ing形式)belly:n.腹部；胃；食欲/vi.涨满；鼓起/vt.使鼓起/stroking:n.扩程;按抚法/v.击,打;(用笔等)画;划掉(stroke的ing形式)sensation:n.感觉;轰动;感动 differentiate:vi.区分,区别/vt.区分,区别We have books to help us,we have sex ed at school for thebasics.我們有書籍幫助我們,在學校也有基本的性教育。01:04Theres porn to fill in the gaps-and it will fill in the gaps.有色情書刊影片來填補中間的缺口,而它們確實填滿 缺 口。01:08(Laughter)We teach our children the talk about biologyand mechanics,about pregnancy and safe sex,and thatswhat our kids grow up thinking that sex is pretty much allabout.（笑聲）我們教我們孩子的那場談話,是關於生物的做法的,關於懷孕和安全性交的,在成長過程中,孩子大概就會 認定性愛就是全部了。01:13But we can do better than that.但我們能做得更好。01:24We can teach our sons and daughters about pleasure anddesire,about consent and boundaries,about what it feelslike to be present in their body and to know when theyrenot.我們能教導我們的兒子女兒 了解愉悅和慾望,同意和界線,靈肉合一的感受,和靈魂出竅的時刻。01:26And we do that in the ways that we model touch,play,makeeye contact-all the ways that we engage their senses.而我們的做法是,我們會模仿觸摸、玩樂、做眼神接觸 動用感覺的各種方式。01:39We can teach our children not just about sex,but aboutsensuality.我們能教孩子的不只是性愛,還有感性。01:48This is the kind of talk that I needed as a girl.我小時候就需要這樣的談話。01:53porn:n.色情描写,色情文学;黄色书刊,色情照片(等于pornography)fill in:填写;填充;替代 gaps:n.差异,缺口;缝隙(gap的复数形式)/v.裂开;使豁裂(gap的第三人称单数形式)pregnancy:n.怀孕;丰富,多产;意义深长 consent:vi.同意;赞成;答应/n.同意;(意见等的)一致;赞成 sensuality:n.好色;淫荡;喜爱感官享受I was extremely sensitive,but by the time I was anadolescent,I had numbed out.我當時非常敏感,但當我成了青少女之後,我麻木了。01:56The shame of boys mocking my changing body and thengirls exiling me for,ironically,my interest in boys,it was somuch.男孩們取笑我身體的改變,讓我感到羞恥,女孩們因為我對男孩的興趣,而背棄我 難以招架。02:01I didnt have any language for what I was experiencing;Ididnt know it was going to pass.我無法用言語形容 我當時所體驗到的;我不知道它會不會過去。02:13TED演讲者：Sue Jaye Johnson|苏洁伊强生演讲标题：What we dont teach kids about sex|我们教导孩子性爱时少教了什么？内容概要：As parents,its our job to teach our kids about sex.But beyond the talk,whichcovers biology and reproduction,theres so much more we can say about the humanexperience of being in our bodies.Introducing The Talk 2.0,Sue Jaye Johnson shows us howwe can teach our children to tune in to their sensations and provide them with the language tocommunicate their desires and emotions-without shutting down or numbing out.身为父母，教导孩子性知识是我们的职责。但在这包含了生物和生殖的那场谈话之外，我们还可以谈许多不同层次的灵肉体验。苏洁伊强生推出那场谈话2.0，让我们学习教导孩子开发身体的各种感性，提供他们沟通与传达欲望和情绪的语言让他们不要变得封闭或麻木。So I did the best thing I could at the time and I checked out.所以我做了當時我能做的最佳決策,我決定逃避。02:17And you cant isolate just the difficult feelings,so I lost accessto the joy,the pleasure,the play,and I spent decades likethat,with this his low-grade depression,thinking that this iswhat it meant to be a grown-up.你不能只把難過的感受分離開來,所以我也失去了樂趣、愉悅、玩樂,我數十年都那樣過日子,帶著這種劣等的沮喪,想著,原來當大人就是這麼一回事。02:22For the past year,Ive been interviewing men and womenabout their relationship to sex and Ive heard my story againand again.過去一年,我訪談了很多男男女女,談他們和性愛的關係,我一次又一次聽到我的故事。02:35sensitive:adj.敏感的；感觉的；仪灵敏的；感光的；易受伤害的；易受影响的/n.敏感的人；有灵异能力的人 adolescent:adj.青春期的;未成熟的/n.青少年 numbed:vt.使麻木;使发愣;使失去感觉/adj.麻木的;发愣的 mocking:adj.嘲弄的/v.嘲笑(mock的现在分词)exiling:n.流放,充军;放逐,被放逐者;流犯/vt.放逐,流放;使背井离乡 ironically:adv.讽刺地；说反话地low-grade:adj.低级的;品质低劣的 depression:n.沮丧;洼地;不景气;忧愁 grown-up:adj.成熟的/n.成年人 again andagain:adv.再三地,反复地Girls who were told they were too sensitive,too much.女孩們被別人說是太敏感、太過頭。02:41Boys who were taught to man up-dont be so emotional.男孩被別人教導要有男子氣概 不要這麼情緒化。02:44I learned I was not alone in checking out.我發現,我不是唯一逃避的人。02:48It was my daughter who reminded me of how much I used tofeel.是我女兒提醒了我,讓我想起我以前的感受多深。02:53We were at the beach.我們在海灘上。03:00It was this rare day.那是個難得的日子。03:01I turned off my cell phone,put in the calendar,Day at thebeach with the girls.我把手機關機,在日曆上記著 和女孩去海灘的日子。03:02I laid our towels down just out of reach of the surf and fellasleep.我把我們的毛巾放在 海浪剛好沖不到的地方,然後就睡著了。03:08And when I woke up,I saw my daughter drizzling sand onher arm like this,and I could feel that light tickle of sand onher skin and I remembered my aunt brushing my hair.當我醒來時,我看到我女兒把沙子 這樣灑在她的手臂上,我可以感覺到她的皮膚因為 沙子造成輕微癢癢的感受,接著我就想起了我的姑姑幫我梳頭。03:14So I curled up next to her and I drizzled sand on her otherarm and then her legs.我爬到她旁邊,我把沙子灑到她的另一隻手臂上,接著是她的雙腿上。03:30And then I said,Hey,you want me to bury you?接著,我說:嘿,你想要我把你埋起來嗎？03:36emotional:adj.情绪的；易激动的；感动人的 drizzling:n.细雨;毛毛雨/v.下毛毛雨(drizzle的ing形式)tickle:vt.使发痒;使高兴;使满足/vi.觉得痒;(东西)使人发痒/n.胳肢;痒感;使人发痒,高兴的东西 curled:adj.卷曲的;鬈发的/v.纸卷曲;环绕(curl的过去分词)drizzled:vi.下毛毛雨/vt.下毛毛雨/n.细雨,毛毛雨And her eyes got really big and she was like,Yeah!她的眼睛睜得好大,說:好啊！03:40So we dug a hole and I covered her in sand and shells anddrew this little mermaid tail.所以我們挖了個洞,我用沙子和貝殼把她蓋起來,畫出小美人魚的尾巴。03:43And then I took her home and lathered her up in the showerand massaged her scalp and I dried her off in a towel.接著,我帶她回家,按摩她的頭皮,用毛巾把她擦乾。03:49And I thought,Ah.How many times had I done that-bathed her and dried her off-but had I ever stopped andpaid attention to the sensations that I was creating for her?我心想:啊,每天我日復一日這麼做 幫她洗澡,把她弄乾 但我是否曾經停下來留意 她現在的感受？03:55Id been treating her like she was on some assembly line ofchildren needing to be fed and put to bed.我對待她的方式,彷彿她正在一條裝配線上,需要被餵飽送上床 睡覺的孩子的裝配線。04:07And I realized that when I dry my daughter off in a toweltenderly the way a lover would,Im teaching her to expectthat kind of touch.我突然意識到,當我像情人般溫柔地 用毛巾把我女兒擦乾時,我就是教導她去期待那樣子的觸碰。04:12Im teaching her in that moment about intimacy.在那一刻,我在教導她什麼是親密。04:24mermaid:n.美人鱼(传说中的);女子游泳健将 lathered:n.肥皂泡;激动/vt.涂以肥皂泡;使紧张;狠狠地打/vi.起泡沫massaged:vt.按摩;揉/n.按摩;揉 scalp:n.头皮;战利品/vt.剥头皮/vi.剥头皮 bathed:adj.沐浴的;淋漓的,湿透的;沉溺的/v.沐浴(bath的过去分词)sensations:n.感觉;轰动;感动 assembly:n.装配；集会，集合 put to:v.应用;靠岸 tenderly:adv.温和地;体贴地;柔和地 intimacy:n.性行为;亲密;亲昵行为;隐私About how to love her body and respect her body.教導她如何去愛、去尊敬她的身體。04:27I realized there are parts of the talk that cant be conveyed inwords.我了解到,那場談話 有一部份是無法用文字傳達的。04:31In her book,Girls and Sex,佩吉奧倫斯坦寫了一本書,04:36writer Peggy Orenstein finds that young women are focusingon their partners pleasure,not their own.叫女孩與性,在書中,她發現 年輕女性會把焦點放在讓伴侶愉悅上,而非讓自己愉悅。04:38This is something Im going to talk about with my girls whentheyre older,but for now,I look for ways to help them當女兒們再大一些時,我會想要和她們談,但,現在,我希望協助她們 認識愉悅的來源,以及如何表達她們的需求。04:46theyre older,but for now,I look for ways to help themidentify what gives them pleasure and to practicearticulating that.們的需求。04:46Rub my back,my daughter says when I tuck her in.當我哄女兒上床時,她說:揉搓我的背。04:58www.XiYuS锡育软件And I say,OK,how do you want me to rub your back?我說:好,你希望 我怎麼揉搓你的背？05:01I dont know,she says.她說:我不知道。05:05So I pause,waiting for her directions.所以我暫停下來,等她的指示。05:07Finally she says,OK,up and to the right,like youre ticklingme.終於,她說:好,向上向右,就像你在搔我癢一樣。05:10I run my fingertips up her spine.我把我的指尖順著她的脊椎向上移。05:14conveyed:vt.传达 for now:目前,暂时 articulating:vt.清晰地发(音);明确有力地表达;用关节连接;使相互连贯/vi.发音;清楚地讲话;用关节连接起来/adj.发音清晰的;口才好的;有关节的 tuck:vt.卷起;挤进;大口吃;使隐藏/n.食物;船尾突出部;活力;鼓声/vi.缝褶裥;缩拢;舒服地裹在里面;大口吃 tickling:n.自旋挠痒法;反馈/v.使发痒(tickle的ing形式)fingertips:指尖/唾手可得 spine:n.脊柱,脊椎;刺;书脊What else?I ask.我問:還有呢？05:16Over to the left,a little harder now.移去左邊,現在再用力一點。05:18We need to teach our children how to articulate theirsensations so theyre familiar with them.我們需要教導我們的孩子 如何清楚表達他們的感受,她們才知道如何表達。05:21I look for ways to play games with my girls at home to dothis.我希望我可以和她們 在遊戲中達成這個目標。05:27I scratch my fingernails on my daughters arm and say,Giveme one word to describe this.我用我的指甲抓我女兒的手臂,說:用一個詞來形容這感覺。05:30Violent,she says.她說:暴力。05:35I embrace her,hold her tight.我擁抱她,緊緊摟著她。05:38Protected,she tells me.她告訴我:被保護著。05:40I find opportunities to tell them how Im feeling,what Imexperiencing,so we have common language.我會找機會告訴她們我的感受、我的體驗,我們才會有共通語言。05:42Like right now,this tingling in my scalp down my spinemeans Im nervous and Im excited.就像現在,從頭皮延著脊椎一路下來的輕癢,意味著我很緊張也很興奮。05:48You are likely experiencing sensations in response to me.你可能也會我的感受 而有些共鳴。05:55The language Im using,the ideas Im sharing.我使用的詞語、我分享的想法。05:59articulate:vt.清晰地发(音);明确有力地表达/vi.发音;清楚地讲话;用关节连接起来/adj.发音清晰的;口才好的;有关节的familiar with:熟悉 scratch:n.擦伤;抓痕;刮擦声;乱写/adj.打草稿用的;凑合的;碰巧的/vt.抓;刮;挖出;乱涂/vi.抓;搔;发刮擦声;勉强糊口;退出比赛 fingernails:n.指甲;手指甲(fingernail的复数形式)in response to:响应;回答;对有反应And our tendency is to judge these reactions and sort theminto a hierarchy:better or worse,and then seek or avoidthem.我們傾向將這些感受分級,把它們分類、分階層,較好的、較差的,接著去尋求或避免它們。06:03And thats because we live in this binary culture and weretaught from a very young age to sort the world into goodand bad.那是因為我們住在二元文化中,很小的時候,我們就被 教導要把世界分成善與惡。06:12Did you like that book?你喜歡那本書嗎？06:19Did you have a good day?你今天過得好嗎？06:20How about,What did you notice about that story?為什麼不說對那個故事,你注意到什麼？06:23Tell me a moment about your day.你今天有什麼特別的事。06:26What did you learn?你從中學到什麼？06:28Lets teach our children to stay open and curious about theirexperiences,like a traveler in a foreign land.讓我們教導孩子 對他們的經驗體驗保持開放和好奇心,就像在異地的旅人。06:30And that way they can stay with sensation without checkingout-even the heightened and challenging ones-the way Idid,the way so many of us have.這麼一來,他們就不會逃避自己的感覺 即使是很強烈很挑戰的感覺 不要像我以前那樣,不要像我們許多人那樣。06:38This sense education,this is education I want for mydaughters.這種感覺教育,是我希望我女兒能接受的教育。06:47Sense education is what I needed as girl.我小時候需要的就是感覺教育。06:51hierarchy:n.层级；等级制度 binary:adj.数二进制的;二元的,二态的 stay with:同住在一起;把坚持下去;与并驾齐驱heightened:v.提高,升高(heighten的过去分词)Its what I hope for all of our children.我也希望所有我們的孩子都能得到。06:55This awareness of sensation,its where we began as children.這種對於感覺的意識,是我們身為孩子的起始點。06:58Its what we can learn from our children and its what we canin turn remind our children as they come of age.是我們能夠向孩子學習的東西,也是我們能夠反過來 提醒她們的東西,當她們逐日成長。07:02Thank you.謝謝你們。07:11(Applause)（掌聲）07:13hope for:希望,期待 awareness:n.意识,认识;明白,知道 in turn:轮流,依次 come of age:达到法定年龄*Warning:本文是由生成导出，请用于个人学习，不要用于商业用途。否则，导致的一切法律后果，均由您个人承担，锡育软件概不负责。*
