老友记剧本(共15页).doc

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1、精选优质文档-倾情为你奉上The One With the Monkey-Written by: Adam Chase & Ira UngerleiderTranscribed by: guineapig-Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross is entering.Ross: Guys? Theres a somebody Id like you to meet. (A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)All: Oooh!Monica: W-wait. What is that?Ross: That would be Marcel.

2、 You wanna say hi?Monica: No, no, I dont.Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?Chandler: Hey, that monkeys got a Ross on its ass!Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with

3、you, like, in your apartment?Ross: Yeah. I mean, its been kinda quiet since Carol left, so.Monica: Why dont you just get a roommate?Ross: Nah, I dunno. I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) .sorry, thats, thats pathet, which is Sanskrit for really cool way to

4、live.Opening CreditsScene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.Phoebe: So you guys, Im doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mothers suicide, and one about a snowman.Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.(Enter Joey)All: Hey, Joey. Hey, b

5、uddy.Monica: So, howd it go?Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didnt get the job.Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.Joey: I dunno. Some fat guys sleeping with the store manager. Hes not even jolly, its all political.Monica: So what are you gonna be?Joey: Ah, Im gonna be one of his helpers. Its j

6、ust such a slap in the face, yknow?Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what youre doing for New Years? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Years?Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You dont have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate sc

7、ramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops! Man, Im talking loud!Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so Ill be just as pathetic as the rest of you. Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!Chandler: Its just that Im sick of being

8、 a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.All: Yeah, okay. Alright.Chandler: Yknow, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. All: Woooo! Yeah!Rachel: Phoebe, youre on.Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies a

9、nd gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:) I made a man with eyes of coalAnd a smile so bewitchin,How was I supposed to knowThat my mo

10、m was dead in the kitchen?(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la.(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)Phoebe: (Sung) .My mothers ashesEven her eyelashesAre resting in a little yellow jar,And sometimes when its breezy.(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists,

11、 Max and David, having a noisy discussion)Phoebe: (Sung) .I feel a little sneezyAnd now I- (abruptly stops) Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?Max: No. No, thats- thats okay.Phoebe: Well, cmon, if

12、 its important enough to discuss while Im playing, then I assume its important enough for everyone else to hear!Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guys going home with a note!David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-Phoebe: Could you speak up please?David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly)

13、Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that Id ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thoughtMax: Daryl Hannah.David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that hed ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her

14、in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a Max: Hard quality.David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-thats when you started yelling. (Sits down)Ph

15、oebe: Okay, were gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)Joey: Hey, that guys going home with more than a note!Scene: Monica and Rachels, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)Rachel: Pheebs, I cant believe he hasnt kissed

16、 you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! .Ooh. Did I just share too much?Ross: Just a smidge.Phoebe: Davids like, yknow, Scientist Guy. Hes very methodical.Monica: I think its romantic.Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentle

17、man?Rachel: Yeah!Phoebe: Well, hes kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-hes smarter, and gentler, and sweeter. I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day. and special occasions. Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is

18、going, youre gonna ask him to New Years, arent you. Youre gonna break the pact. Shes gonna break the pact.Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?Chandler: Yeah, cause I already asked Janice.Monica: What?!Ross: Cmon, this was a pact! This was your pact! Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn

19、t handle the pressure and I snapped.Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!Chandler: Im not saying it was a good idea, Im saying I snapped!Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry Im late.(He remo

20、ves the coat to reveal an elf costume)Chandler: Too many jokes. must mock Joey! Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)Chandler: Aah, ykilling me!(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)Monica: Ross! Hes playing with my spatulas again!Ross: Okay, look, hes not gonna hurt the

21、m, right?Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?Ross: I didnt wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didnt mean, and he- he threw some faeces.Chandler: Yknow, if youre gonna work late, I coul

22、d look in on him for you.Ross: Oh, thatd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like youre there to see him, okay, and youre not like doing it as a favour to me.Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, Im not going to lie.Scene: Max and Davids lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the

23、aid of a whiteboard.David: .But, you cant actually test this theory, because todays particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then. David: Yuh.Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?David: Uh, thats definit

24、ely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, cause its you.Phoebe: Sure.David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the k

25、iss had to be, and now weve reached a place where its just gotta be one of those things where I just like. sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, Im not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, youre a sweeper

26、! .trapped inside a physicists body.David: Rrrreally.Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, Im sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me. David: .Now? Now?Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Yknow what, this was just really e

27、xpensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And Ill take- this was a gift. (Moves it)Phoebe: Okay, now youre just kinda tidying. David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wann

28、a just hop?Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)(They kiss, finally)Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase no date pact mean to you?Monica: Im sorry, okay. Its just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought Id ask Fun Bobby

29、.Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?Monica: Yeah.Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go.Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, theres no room for milk!Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. N

30、ow there is.Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.Joey: Uh, four.Ross: Four.Rachel: Five.Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)Rachel: Sorry. Paolos catching an earlier flight.Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. Whats an elf to do?Ross: Oka

31、y, so Im gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?Rachel: Oh, cmon. Well have, well have a big party, and no-onell know whos with who.Ross: Hey, yknow, this is so not what I needed right now.Monica: Whats the matter?Ross: Oh, its-its Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, yknow? Hes

32、 walking around all the time dragging his hands. Chandler: Thats so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.Ross: Really.Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV. that juggling thing is amazing.Ross: What, uh. what juggling thing?Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught hi

33、m that.Ross: No.Chandler: Yknow, it wasnt that big a deal. He just balled up socks. and a melon.(Max runs in)Max: Phoebe. Hi. Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?Max: No. Have you seen David?Phoebe: No, no, he hasnt been around.Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are

34、going to Minsk.Phoebe: Minsk?Max: Minsk. Its in Russia.Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?Max: January first.Commercial BreakScene: Max and Davids lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the doorPhoebe: Hello?David:

35、Hey!Phoebe: Hi.David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-whatre you doing here?Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!Max: Itd be even more exciting if we were going.Phoebe: Oh, youre not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?Max: Tell

36、her, David. I dont wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend! (Storms out)David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.Phoebe: So-so youre really not going?David: I dont know. I dont know what Im gonna do. I just- you de

37、cide.Phoebe: Oh dont do that.David: Please.Phoebe: Oh no no.David: No, but Im asking-Phoebe: Oh, but I cant do that-David: No, but I cant-Phoebe: Its your thing, and-David: -make the decision-Phoebe: Okay, um, stay.David: Stay.Phoebe: Stay.(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)P

38、hoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)David: It was Maxs stuff. (They kiss)Scene: Monica and Rachels, the party has started.Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, dont tell me whats in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)Chandler: You remember Janice.Monica: Vividly.(Some

39、one knocks on the door; Monica gets it)Monica: Hi.Sandy: Hi, Im Sandy.Joey: Sandy! Hi! Cmon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl).You brought your kids.Sandy: Yeah. Thats okay, right?(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)Ross: P

40、ar-tay! Monica: That thing is not coming in here.Ross: That thing? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldnt be welcome in your home?Monica: Im guessing your new girlfriend wouldnt urinate on my coffee table.Ross: Okay.

41、 He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened.Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me.Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) Cmon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, Ill, uh.

42、 catch up with you later.(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey. are you okay? Where-wheres Paolo?Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.Phoebe: And then. your face

43、 is bloated?Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So Im blowing my attack whi

44、stle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as Im going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle.oh.everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroomSand

45、y: Yknow, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.Joey: Wow, thats, uh, dirty.Sandy: Yeah.(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)Joey: Hey, kids.Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. Im not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me!Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hand