2020北京市高三英语一模情景作文讲评课件.pptx

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1、假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。请根据下面四幅图的先假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。请根据下面四幅图的先后顺序，写一篇英文周记，记述你确定大学志愿的过程。后顺序，写一篇英文周记，记述你确定大学志愿的过程。命题指导思想新课程标准命题指导思想高考评价体系，五个基本原则：1. 突出方向性（培养什么人）2. 坚持科学性3. 反映时代性（全民抗疫）4. 体现民族性5. 突显公共性假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。请根据下面四幅图的先假设你是红星中学高三学生李华。请根据下面四幅图的先后顺序，写一篇英文周记，记述你确定大学志愿的过程。后顺序，写一篇英文周记，记述你确定大学志愿的过程。命题考虑维度： 一模时间：4月初

2、，5月初；高考前志愿确定与每一位高三学生紧密相关； 时代感：疫情期间各行各业涌现出各种有时代担当的英雄人物，这样的正能量应该传播，青少年在志愿选择的时候，不能仅仅考虑个人发展（人与自我，人与社会），国家的发展，社会的需要应该成为学生考虑的一个方面。 志愿选择是一个长期深思熟虑的结果，但在确定过程中，经常有一个激发兴趣或灵感的时刻或事件。审题建议记述你确定大学志愿的过程记述你确定大学志愿的过程要点：四幅图最核心的动词短语，故事的主线父母询问父母询问/ /与与父母讨论父母讨论（大学专业）（大学专业）上网查询上网查询看新闻联播看新闻联播受到启发受到启发告知父母自告知父母自己决定了己决定了（大学专业）

3、（大学专业）必要细节：缺少它故事将不够完整或不连贯父母询问父母询问/ /与父母与父母讨论（大学专业）讨论（大学专业）吃饭的时候（和谐吃饭的时候（和谐家庭氛围）家庭氛围）还在犹豫中还在犹豫中上网查询上网查询目标大学网页；目标大学网页；相关专业情况；相关专业情况；看新闻联播受到看新闻联播受到启发启发看到各行各业体看到各行各业体现出各自的时代现出各自的时代担当担当告知父母自己决定告知父母自己决定了（大学专业）了（大学专业）我要向新闻中的人我要向新闻中的人物一样，所以决定物一样，所以决定学习学习爸妈赞许爸妈赞许“时代担当”的处理:可以是新闻主题；everyone should shoulder the

4、 responsibilities granted.也可以是集体称号；life model， role model可添加细节：合情合理，为中心做贡献，篇幅不超过要点和必要细节。父母询问父母询问/ /与父母与父母讨论（大学专业）讨论（大学专业）吃饭的时候（和谐吃饭的时候（和谐家庭氛围）家庭氛围）还在犹豫中还在犹豫中吃饭闲聊过程中，吃饭闲聊过程中，高考临近，父母关高考临近，父母关心；依然徘徊中心；依然徘徊中上网查询上网查询目标大学网页；目标大学网页；相关专业情况；相关专业情况；网络获取了很多关网络获取了很多关于志愿和部分专业于志愿和部分专业的信息，但依然拿的信息，但依然拿不准不准看新闻联播受到启发

5、看新闻联播受到启发看到各行各业体现出看到各行各业体现出各自的时代担当；各自的时代担当；感动；备受鼓舞；激感动；备受鼓舞；激发了自己的社会责任发了自己的社会责任感；祖国需要什么样感；祖国需要什么样的人？的人？告知父母自己决定告知父母自己决定了（大学专业）了（大学专业）我要向新闻中的人我要向新闻中的人物一样，所以决定物一样，所以决定学习学习爸妈赞许爸妈赞许我决心学习我决心学习* * *专业，专业，要做一个对社会有要做一个对社会有用的人用的人提示：志愿:major/(profession/career ) 关键词不会，可以paraphrase!What I wanted to learn.What

6、I chose to be.但：关键名词通篇错误，最高12分；SubjectUniversity CollegeCourse majority professor college willing 本题总分为本题总分为20分，按分，按5个档次给分。个档次给分。一档文一档文18-20分分二档文二档文15-17分分三档文三档文12-14分分四档文四档文6-11分分五档文五档文1-5分分 2评分时，先根据评分时，先根据文章的内容和语言质量文章的内容和语言质量初步确定其档次，然初步确定其档次，然后以该档次的要求来衡量，确定或调整档次，最后给分。后以该档次的要求来衡量，确定或调整档次，最后给分。3评分时应

7、考虑：内容要点的评分时应考虑：内容要点的完整性完整性、上下文的、上下文的连贯连贯性性、词汇、词汇和句式的和句式的多样性多样性及语言的及语言的准确性准确性。4拼写、标点符号或书写拼写、标点符号或书写影响内容表达时，应视其影响程度予影响内容表达时，应视其影响程度予以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。5词数少于词数少于60，从总分中减去，从总分中减去1分。分。 The past week was by no means ordinary, for I had finally decided on my major. This Monday, the topic

8、 was brought up again by my parents during dinner. As I still hadnt made up my mind, I decided to do more research. Later that evening, I turned to the Internet for help. Faced with so many choices, I seemed to be lost. I noted down one after another major, but crossed them all off, for what I wante

9、d was one that could make a difference in peoples lives. The inspiration came unexpectedly with the CCTV News yesterday. It focused on role models of our time police officers, 范文 18分healthcare workers, delivery men who guarded us and ensured our life ran normally. Suddenly, I realized my lifes purpo

10、se relieving pain and saving lives. And to pursue this call, I decided to specialize in medical science. I jumped excitedly at this idea. Mom and dad were also happy that I had found the compass for my future life. Now, determined to become a healthcare worker, whenever I start my schoolwork, I know

11、 I am studying for a noble cause. (187 words)考场学生作文考场学生作文 19分分 This winter vacation I decided on my major in college after a long time of hesitation , which was inspired by the current affairs. During the lunch time on an ordinary day, my parents asked me about my opinion towards my major in college

12、. Noticing my confusion, they kindly put forward several suggestions including maths and physics , but none of them struck my chord(引起某人共鸣）. Fully aware of the importance of deciding on my future plan after the lunch,I started to search for relevant information . As such a variety of majors ranging

13、from education to biology flooded into my eyes, I became even more confused . Seeing college students sharing on the website about how tough each course was .I felt several of my weak ideas faded away. Feeling anxious and confused , I walked out of my room to join my family for a news report. As the

14、 screen lit up, a group of doctors wearing masks and uniforms caught my eye. I had been aware of the severe situation of the Coronavirus these days and knew the doctors played a vital role in fighting against virus , but hardly had I reached their work. At that moment , aware of the magic of their t

15、reatment and their bravery to shoulder the responsibility of a new era, I felt my heart was lit up like a Christmas tree. Jumping out of the sofa, I announced to my parents that I would study medicine. As they gave their thumbs-up, I felt my growth for being independent to decide my own future and t

16、ake the duty to be a qualified citizen to make contribution.一模情景作文集中体现的问题： 中文思维，英语翻译，句型结构生搬硬套， 不具体，想要让阅卷老师脑补才能理解； 时态混乱； 低端错误：单复数，动词形式等； 审图不清：关键信息错误，导致要点缺失；1.I went to the living room, hoped to find2. It occurred to me that why not choose3. Havent considering about the major,.4. with the disappointed

17、 5.social society6. help people with sick7.I made a finally choice8. No matter time goes by9. They asked me what do you 10.After listening my parents said11. There has12. The unknowing world13.As widely known,一模后写作教学建议 审题专项训练：准确审读文字，理解整体要求；读懂四幅图，准备提取要点；添加必要细节，让文本流畅并符合逻辑；适当添加细节，回避流水账；加强文章内容可读性，生动性（因题

18、：临场发挥） 研读范文（包括阅读文本，完型文本），建立语料库，并准确灵活地迁移； 高频要点表达法梳理，比如：通知，参观，体验，制作，展示，照相等高频要点如何表述更加准确更加丰富/准确。 围绕常见主题进行整理，比如环保，感恩，责任担当，社会主义核心价值观 篇章布局，书写，卷面等。 The past week was by no means ordinary, for I had finally decided on my major. This Monday, the topic was brought up again by my parents during dinner. I had as

19、ked myself the same question many times, but still couldnt make up my mind. Seeing my hesitant look, mom patted me on my shoulder, her smile encouraging me to do more research. Later that evening, I turned to the Internet for help. Faced with so many choices, I seemed to be lost. Law could be a good

20、 choice. Business and computer science were also attracting top范文 20分students. I noted down one after another major, but crossed them all off, for what I wanted was a profession that could make a difference in peoples lives. The inspiration came unexpectedly with the CCTV News yesterday. The moment

21、“Role Models of Our Time” appeared on the screen, I was awed. The news story focused on superheroes without a cape - police officers, healthcare workers, delivery men, city cleaners-who guarded us and ensured our life ran normally. Suddenly, I realized my lifes purpose relieving pain and saving live

22、s. And to pursue thiscall, I decided to specialize in medical science. I jumped excitedly at this idea. Mom and Dad were also happy that I had found the compass for my future life, and said they would be so proud to see me in white. Now, determined to become a healthcare worker, whenever I start my

23、schoolwork, I know I am studying for a noble cause. (252 words)阅卷样文第五档第五档（1-5分）分）未完成试题规定的任务。未完成试题规定的任务。 明显遗漏主要内容明显遗漏主要内容 句式单调，词汇贫乏句式单调，词汇贫乏 语法或用词方面错误较多，严重影响了对所写语法或用词方面错误较多，严重影响了对所写内容的理解。内容的理解。第六档（第六档（0分）分） 未能传达任何信息；所写内容与要求无关。未能传达任何信息；所写内容与要求无关。0 分作文 空白卷 没有与题目相关的信息（随意默写，誊写阅读文本） 无法识别的试卷 写了很多，但没有一句话正确

24、中文答卷 标记作文建议给分：3建议给分：5鼓励每个句子都写正确。512的差异；第四档第四档（6-11分）分）未恰当完成试题规定的任务。未恰当完成试题规定的任务。 漏掉或未描述清楚主要内容。漏掉或未描述清楚主要内容。 所用句式和词汇有限。所用句式和词汇有限。 语法或用词方面的错误影响了对所写内语法或用词方面的错误影响了对所写内容的理解。容的理解。未能清楚地传达信息。未能清楚地传达信息。建议给分：6评语：全文4段，5句话。每一句都有低端错误。仅仅有部分有效信息。建议给分：8 要点动词不精准，told; 关键词通篇错误Subject 必要细节不精准：movie建议给分：9 图四要点不准确，不能及格；

25、 且多处低端语法错误，影响阅读；建议给分：10 基本完成了写作任务，但： 关键词错误； 时态错误、单复数错误、人称代词 错误建议给分：11从卷面和前半部分写作完成情况看，似乎可以上一档文，但图四要点表述不完整；因此不及格。提醒：阅卷不能被卷面迷惑，要读文章！建议：锻炼学生把握要点的情况下发挥。第三档第三档(12-14分分)基本完成了试题规定的任务。基本完成了试题规定的任务。 覆盖内容要点。覆盖内容要点。 运用的句式和词汇基本满足任务的要求。运用的句式和词汇基本满足任务的要求。 语法和用词有一些错误，但不影响理解。语法和用词有一些错误，但不影响理解。基本达到了预期的写作目的。基本达到了预期的写作

26、目的。建议给分：12完成任务；且波浪线部分是处理得当的地方，但时态混乱（如果时态全部正确，可以得14分）；低端语法错误，档内低分处理。12如果不看卷面，不看低端错误，该作文言简意赅，得分应该更高。但遗憾的是低端错误有四处以上，视为基本完成写作任务。12完成了写作任务，但低端语言错误，比如时态错误，让作文仅得及格分。建议给分：13 又是一篇欺骗性强的“优秀文章” 完成了写作任务，本可以是一篇二档文，但低端错误太多了，影响了阅读。没有写完，但是要点已经齐全！13建议给分：14 完成了写作任务。但： 形式多于内容，套话很多，言之无物，体现思维深度的内容不够； 没有点题，没有升华第二档第二档(15-1

27、7分分)完全完成了试题规定的任务。完全完成了试题规定的任务。 覆盖所有内容要点。覆盖所有内容要点。 运用的句式和词汇能满足任务的要求。运用的句式和词汇能满足任务的要求。 语法和用词基本准确，少许错误主要是为语法和用词基本准确，少许错误主要是为尽可能表达丰富内容所致。尽可能表达丰富内容所致。 使用简单的语句间的连接成分，所写内容使用简单的语句间的连接成分，所写内容连贯。连贯。达到了预期的写作目的。达到了预期的写作目的。建议给分：15 评语： 逻辑不够严谨，背诵痕迹明显（但正确使用了） 图三：推断是学生巧妙合理使用背诵的句型。建议给分：16建议给分：17第一档第一档（18-20分）分）完全完成了试

28、题规定的任务。完全完成了试题规定的任务。 覆盖所有内容要点。覆盖所有内容要点。 运用了运用了多样的句式和丰富的词汇多样的句式和丰富的词汇。 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致；体力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致；体现了较强的语言运用能力。现了较强的语言运用能力。 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使全文有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使全文内容连贯、结构紧凑。内容连贯、结构紧凑。完全达到了预期的写作目的。完全达到了预期的写作目的。建议给分：18 评语：建议给分：19 思维：临场生成的内容，升华不落俗套； The past week

29、 was by no means ordinary, for I had finally decided on my major. This Monday, the topic was brought up again by my parents during dinner. I had asked myself the same question many times, but still couldnt make up my mind. Seeing my hesitant look, mom patted me on my shoulder, her smile encouraging

30、me to do more research. Later that evening, I turned to the Internet for help. Faced with so many choices, I seemed to be lost. Law could be a good choice. Business and computer science were also attracting topstudents. I noted down one after another major, but crossed them all off, for what I wante

31、d was a profession that could make a difference in peoples lives. The inspiration came unexpectedly with the CCTV News yesterday. The moment “Role Models of Our Time” appeared on the screen, I was awed. The news story focused on superheroes without a cape - police officers, healthcare workers, deliv

32、ery men, city cleaners-who guarded us and ensured our life ran normally. Suddenly, I realized my lifes purpose relieving pain and saving lives. And to pursue thiscall, I decided to specialize in medical science. I jumped excitedly at this idea. Mom and Dad were also happy that I had found the compas

33、s for my future life, and said they would be so proud to see me in white. Now, determined to become a healthcare worker, whenever I start my schoolwork, I know I am studying for a noble cause. (252 words) 对评分标准有不同看法，欢迎大家批评指正！ 所有评标基本是按照高考阅卷标准！ 个别情况有倾向性，主要是为一模后写作教学服务！ 严格按照评标阅卷，全区统一标准！ 双判+仲裁 仲裁率高的阅卷老师及时调整阅卷标准！一模后写作教学建议 摸准学生最近发展区；针对不同学生，实行有差异的辅导； 教会学生把握准做题节奏，写作时间预留，写作限时训练； 根据疫情带来的特殊情况，狠抓基础知识训练及落实，避免低端语法错误，导致大量丢分； 面对学生英语水平回落，如何语言保鲜； 根据国家相关文件精神，重视体美劳相关话题；感谢聆听！感谢聆听！ 本视频课程中的部分图片、视频引自有关图书、网络，特向这些图片、视频的制作者和有关图书的出版者和相关网络表示感谢；因多种原因，事先未与作者和出版社取得联系，特向他们表示歉意。