读后续写练习写作与讲评讲义--高考英语复习写作备考.docx

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1、读后续写练习写作与讲评讲义阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。A Vacation with My MotherI had an interesting childhood. It was filled with surprises and amusements, all because of my motherloving, sweet, and yet absent-minded and forgetful. One strange family trip we took when I was eleven tells a lot about her.My two

2、sets of grandparents lived in Colorado and North Dakota, and my parents decided to spend a few weeks driving to those states and seeing all the sights along the way. As the first day of our trip approached, David, my eight-year-old brother, and I unwillingly said good-bye to all of our friends. Who

3、knew if wed ever see them again? Finally, the moment of our departure arrived, and we loaded suitcases, books, games, camping equipment, and a tent into the car and bravely drove off. We bravely drove off again two hours later after wed returned home to get the purse and travelers checks Mom had for

4、gotten.David and I were always a little nervous when using gas station bathrooms if Mom was driving while Dad slept： zzYou stand outside the door and play lookout （放哨）while I go, and III stand outside the door and play lookout while you go/ I had terrible pictures in my mind： “Honey, where are the k

5、ids? What? ! Oh, Gosh. I thought they were being awfully quiet. We were never actually left behind in a strange city, but we werent about to take any chances.On the fourth or fifth night, we had trouble finding a hotel with a vacancy. After driving in vain for some time, Mom suddenly got a great ide

6、a： Why didnt we find a house with a likely-looking backyard and ask if we could set up tent there? David and I became nervous. To our great relief, Dad turned down the idea. Mom never could understand our objections （反 对）.If a strange family showed up on her front doorsteps, Mom would have been deli

7、ghted. She thinks everyone in the world is as nice as she is. We finally found a vacancy in the next town.注意：1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右;2,续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.习作点评学生

8、习作1The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. Thinking of this tent, Mom suggested that we go camping in the next village in excitement, with eyes glittering. Considering her enthusiasm, we all agreed. When the door of our car opened, Mom stormed out instantly and urged us

9、 to put up the tent. David and I were asked to pick up some branches to build a fire. And when we came back, Dad and Mom had already lain on the grass comfortably in front of the tent, talking merrily with a local boy at our age, who always cast a glimpse at this tent curiously. Soon we learnt that

10、the boy in rags even didnt have a home to live. Of course, Mom forgot“ to take this tent with us again.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. And we also had a nice time living with my grandparents during that vacation. But what impressed me most was that tent, w

11、hich was forgotten deliberately by Mom. Though she did love going camping, she presented that poor boy with this tent out of sympathy. It was Mom that made my childhood colorful. And it was also see that showed me the true meaning of giving.点评1这篇习作描写细致，文气较为通畅，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好地完成了交际任务。 习作故事情节设计合理，与短文融洽度

12、高，人物行为描写细腻（如爸爸妈妈躺在草地上的 情景），同时穿插心理描绘（如男孩不停看帐篷的眼神），动静结合，第二段的说明解释 与故事结合紧密，非常合理。习作语言富于变化，如语言结构上复杂句与简单句、长句与 短句错杂使用，尤其是两段结尾的短句，使文章显得有力。文章将forgot一词放在引号中， 说明妈妈此次的健忘乃是出于其loving 与sweet”的美好品格，使续写的故事出乎意料之外, 又在情理之中，而且提升了故事的主题思想，还给续写第二段的情感抒发做了铺垫。此外， 习作有较好的修辞意识，尤其是结尾两句用了平行结构，用两个分裂句强调了母亲的优良 品质，很好地使文章思想得到了升华，是习作的闪光之

13、处。习作在描写过程中恰当地使用 了一些具有较强表现力的细节描述性语言，如Mom stormed out talking merrily always cast a glimpse at this tent curiously”等，使故事非常生动。当然，习作中存在的问题也是明显 的。首先，习作在语法知识应用上尚显幼稚，如eyes前缺失限定词her, didnt have a home to live后缺失介词in等。其次,词汇方面，习作对一些词的词义把握不清,如不清楚glimpse 与glance, living与staying, grass与lawn的区别;一些词的词性与用法掌握不精， 如用h

14、ad already lain来表达“躺在；已经躺下”的概念（应为had already lain down或were already lying-）；等等。但总体而言，这些问题对意义传达影响不大。当然，如能将这些问 题修正，同时调整一些语句（如将always cast a glimpse改为kept glancing”等），则将更 加完善。本篇习作词汇与语法结构较为丰富，语句间连接成分有效，标点准确。习作产出 188词（不含开头语），写出了较多内容。根据本次考试考生的总体情况，本篇习作建议 判为第五档。学生习作2The next day we remembered the brand-new

15、 tent we had brought with us. The reason was that we couldnt find a hotel, meaning that our tent had to be used and Moms dream came true. Unexpectedly, David noticed that Mon disappeared after dinner. Eventually, it was Dad that found Mom. This absent-minded and forgetful woman explained that she ju

16、st wanted to seek some charming flowers but got lost finally. However, thanks to Mom, we found a new way with more beautiful views where she got lost.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. All of a sudden, as driving, Mom asked, Where is our camping equipment? ”I

17、n the end, we had to accept the fact that we ought to return to find it left by Mom. In that time, I thought this trip was in a mess because of Mom. But its obvious for me today that our trip should have been boring without this loving and sweet lady. There is no person even a wise lady that can mat

18、ch her, my loving, sweet, yet absent-minded and forgetful mom.点评2这篇习作产出159词（不含开头语-），尽管续写部分与段落开头语的衔接不能称之为 紧密，但总体而言仍然是合理的。故事情节上，本篇习作与上篇一样，有出乎意料却合乎 情理的设计，将目光放在母亲的粗心所带来的好结果上，做了翻案文章，既与所给短文紧 密衔接，也使第二段的情感抒发显得自然。语言上，习作意义传达基本清楚，对语法结构 和词汇的丰富性、准确性有较好的注意，文气总体较为流畅。应该说，这篇习作还是比较 顺利地完成了交际任务。尤其值得指出的是，习作不但注意到了词汇的丰富性，

19、而且能够 针对不同的意义与情感表达需要来变换词汇（如说母亲absent-minded and forgetful”时用的 是woman,说她loving and sweet时用了lady,最后把这两类品质结合，用了mom）, 这在考生习作中是不多见的。另外值得称赞的是，本篇习作注意了使用不同语法形式来表 达意义（如its obvious for me today”中现在时的使用和“our trip should have been boring”中 情态助动词与完成体的结合等）。当然，与上一篇习作相比，本篇问题稍稍突出一些，主 要表现在以下几个方面：一是对词句意义与语篇意义的联系注意不够，如第

20、一段的The reason was .和meaning .、第二段的All of a sudden, as driving等，让读者感觉不好理 解；二是对语法结构的意义把握不准，导致意义发生偏差，如it was Dad that found Mom（或许是不恰当追求高大上”的结果）；三是低级语法错误导致意义不清，如There is no person even a wise lady that can match her,z；四是有少许不应该出现的拼写方面的错误，如但是，总体而言，习作中所出现的问题对意义传达的影响并不突出，长短相较， 应该说本篇习作在本次浙江省高考英语中属于较好的一篇，可考虑

21、判为第四档。学生习作3The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. It seemed that we wouldn/t get any chance to use it. Just when we felt tough to deal with it, a bagger came into our sight. Mom soon came up with an idea that we should give it to him. But the tent was really new and it

22、 coasted us a lot. Despite Dad, David and Is objection, Mom determined her mind and gave it to the bagger, which means we couldn/t do camping anymore.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. The trip was wonderful and we really had a nice time in my grandparents ho

23、use. Time flow so swiftly that we couldn/t notice it. After we finished our trip and came back to our sweet house, Mom suddenly found something while checking the baggage. She whispered： ”Where was the tent? Thats my Mom, a really nice person but also a forgetful and absent-minded woman.黠评3这篇习作延续所给短

24、文情节，围绕帐篷和母亲的健忘续写，与所给短文融洽度高，与 所提供的开头语衔接非常紧密，故事设计符合逻辑，虽然总体上以说明性语言为主，但也 有一定的描述性语言，而且有的还相当生动，如She whispered： /Where was the tent? 一句，使读者有如闻其声之感。但在语言运用上，本篇习作问题较多。语法方面，有时态 错误(如“which means Where was the tent?)、动词屈折变化错误(如it costed Time flow)、限定词错误(如Dad, David and Is objection an idea that.)、介词错误(如in my gra

25、ndparentshouseM) 代词错误(如felt与tough之间缺失it)等。词汇方面，有 些词由于意义理解不准确而误用，如将our sweet house与our sweet home”混淆；有的则 是对词汇的搭配和惯用法掌握不到位，如determined her mind；有的则可能是受汉语思维 的影响，直译为英语后意义不清，如found something(应为found something missing)； 有的则是简单的拼写错误，如bagger。有意思的是，本篇习作虽然有不少问题，但考生并 没有对语言做刻意的变化追求，总体上而言相当自然，文气较为通畅，以上这些错误对意 义的传

26、达并不产生大的影响，不至于过分损及交际任务的完成。本篇习作共产出139词(不 含开头语)语句结构与词汇富于变化，连接手段有效，较好地满足了任务的要求，是一篇 合格的作文，建议判第三档的高分。学生习作4The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. Until then, it hadnt shown any advantages yet. David and I felt deeply upset about the travel. It didnt seem like camping or trave

27、lling but worrying about Mom all the time. The decisions she made and the actions she did must be taken good care of. However, Mom was lighted and was ready to continue the trip. She didnt say any words about the tent, even though Dad had mentioned it many times. Without any hesitation, we continued

28、 the trip. She drove happily, while David and I sat quietly behind.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. It had been several times that my brother screamed out What a fantastic scenery! The trip became more interesting. I began to talk with Mom and Dad. I felt w

29、armth through Moms excited voice. We smiled and laughed along the way. With the wonderful sights beside us, we all enjoyed the trip. That day, I realized that my mom was actually the nicest person in the world. It was her that brought light to our lives.点评4这篇习作内容上与所给短文关系密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出 了较多内容

30、，文气基本连贯，但语言上存在较多错误。语言上的问题，最为突出的是多数 语句系由中文直译而来却又并不明白所用词语的真正含义，如续写部分的第一句Until then, it hadnt shown any advantages yet,须由英文硬译回汉语才能明白考生所想表达的 意思（“直到那时，帐篷都还没有派过用场一一意思表达不清的主要原因应该是until一词 的意义与用法没有掌握） 其他如“It didnt seem like camping or travelling but worrying about Mom all the time The decisions she made and

31、the actions she did must be taken good care of” felt warmth through Moms excited voice”都存在同样的问题。除此以外，习作某些词语（如 ,zWithout any hesitation77）的使用有“生拉硬拽”之嫌，导致语言逻辑不当。当然,其他习作 中所存在的普通语言问题，也存在于本篇习作中，如词汇误用（如lighted应为delighted 之误）、语法错误（如What a fantastic scenery）等，但总体而言，这一类问题较少。本 篇习作产出166词（不含开头语），全文内容基本连贯，故事设计虽然

32、没有出彩之处，也 没有思想上的升华，但也合情合理，语言上，意义传达虽然受到一点影响，但基本完成了 交际任务，可考虑判第三档中段。学生习作5The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. David like the tent very much. He like sleeping in the tent. We can sleep in the tent. And we can not found the place to sleep. But mom still said it is a troubl

33、e, she always wanted to find a vacancy to sleep. But I thinked. the tent is great. I could see stars and the moon when I sleep in the tent. And I can look around the nation.We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. I like the trip very much. I could see a funny mom

34、and a funny dad They always didnt agree another. And I also saw many beatiful views. I like this views. Than we visited our grand Parents. They were healthy. And they can play games with us. We lived at grand parents house some days. Then we baced our home. I lived the vacation with my mother.黠评5这篇习

35、作与所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供各段落开头语也有很好的衔接，写出了较 多内容，文气基本连贯。情节内容方面，习作思想较为简单，平铺直叙，有点流水账的 感觉，但除了如They always didnt agree another这样个别有点感觉突兀的地方外，总体上 应该说还是合理的。语言上，本篇习作问题较多。首先，语句面貌显得简陋，除了两三个 句子外，所有语句都是简单句。其次，语法错误较多，如时、体、态方面的错误(likecancan not foundis等),词的屈折变化形式错误(thinked),介词错误(zzshe always wanted to find a vacancy to sl

36、eeps)等。再次，词汇错误比较突出,如大小写错误(momgrand Parentsshe always wanted)、拼写错误(Thanbacedgrand Parents)、词义错误(livedvacancy)、记忆错误(nation”应为nature”之误)、用法错误(agree another) 等。此外还有标点错误(如I could see a funny mom and a funny dad”后缺句号)。这些问题 中有不少(如look around the nation we baced our home)导致了意义的传达受到较为严 重的影响。本篇习作共产出139词(不含开头语

37、)，内容逻辑合理，语言上多数情况下意 义传达基本顺利，但问题较多，可考虑判为第二档。学生习作6The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.I and David were very shocked. I and David got to the tent fast, we only can cried and save help, At that time, my mom go back, she help we go out in the trouble.We drove through sever

38、al states and saw lots of great sights along the way.Though a few days, we get the Colorado and North Dakota, we was very excising.At night, I and David had a dinner with my two sets of grandparents and go back with mom. I mind that, nobody as nice as my mom点评6应该说，这篇习作与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供各段落开头语也有较好的衔接，

39、情节内容大体上符合所给短文的限定情景，基本合理。但习作总体面貌简陋，考生共产出 79词(不含开头语)，第一段5句，第二段4句，而且语句过于简单，语法与词汇错误很 多，比较明显的语法错误有时态错误、代词名词词序错误、主谓一致错误、标点错误、大 小写错误等，词汇方面，比较明显的错误有搭配错误、拼写错误等，这些错误有的严重影 响 了 意义的传达(如“we only can cried and save help she help we go out in the trouble”， mind that),使读者很难明白考生所想表达的意思。另外，本篇习作续写部分由于没有紧 接开头语写作，最后形成的实际上不是两段，而是五段，不符合试题要求。总体来看，本 篇习作虽然与所提供短文和开头语有较好的衔接，语句间也有一定的连接成分，但产出内 容太少，语法结构和词汇项目都很有限，语言面貌不佳，全文内容也不够连贯，交际任务 完成情况差，建议判为第一档。