loveisfallacy中英文对照.pdf

《loveisfallacy中英文对照.pdf》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《loveisfallacy中英文对照.pdf（17页珍藏版）》请在淘文阁 - 分享文档赚钱的网站上搜索。

1、Love is Fallacy by Max Shulman Cool was I and logical。Keen，calculating,perspicacious,acute and astuteI was all of these。My brain was as powerful as a dynamo,precise as a chemists scales，as penetrating as a scalpel.Andthink of it！I only eighteen。It is not often that one so young has such a giant inte

2、llect.Take，for example,Petey Bellows，my roommate at the university.Same age，same background,but dumb as an ox.A nice enough fellow，you understand,but nothing upstairs。Emotional type。Unstable.Impressionable.Worst of all,a faddist。Fads,I submit,are the very negation of reason。To be swept up in every n

3、ew craze that comes along，to surrender oneself to idiocy just because everybody else is doing itthis,to me,is the acme of mindlessness。Not，however,to Petey.One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis.“Dont mov

4、e,I said,“Dont take a laxative.Ill get a doctor。”“Raccoon,”he mumbled thickly。“Raccoon?”I said,pausing in my flight。“I want a raccoon coat,he wailed.I perceived that his trouble was not physical,but mental.“Why do you want a raccoon coat?”“I should have known it,”he cried,pounding his temples.“I sho

5、uld have known theyd come back when the Charleston came back。Like a fool I spent all my money for textbooks,and now I cant get a raccoon coat。”“Can you mean，I said incredulously,“that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?“All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them.Whereve you been?”“In th

6、e library，”I said，naming a place not frequented by Big Men on Campus.He leaped from the bed and paced the room。“Ive got to have a raccoon coat,”he said passionately。“Ive got to！”“Petey，why?Look at it rationally.Raccoon coats are unsanitary.They shed。They smell bad.They weigh too much.Theyre unsightl

7、y.They”“You dont understand,”he interrupted impatiently.“Its the thing to do。Dont you want to be in the swim?”“No，”I said truthfully。“Well,I do,”he declared.“Id give anything for a raccoon coat。Anything！My brain,that precision instrument，slipped into high gear.“Anything？I asked，looking at him narrow

8、ly。“Anything，”he affirmed in ringing tones。I stroked my chin thoughtfully.It so happened that I knew where to get my hands on a raccoon coat.My father had had one in his undergraduate days；it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home.It also happened that Petey had something I wanted.He didnt have i

9、t exactly,but at least he had first rights on it.I refer to his girl，Polly Espy.I had long coveted Polly Espy。Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature。She was，to be sure,a girl who excited the emotions，but I was not one to let my heart rule my head.I wanted Po

10、lly for a shrewdly calculated，entirely cerebral reason。I was a freshman in law school。In a few years I would be out in practice.I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyers career。The successful lawyers I had observed were,almost without exception，married to b

11、eautiful，gracious，intelligent women。With one omission，Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.Beautiful she was.She was not yet of pinup proportions，but I felt that time would supply the lack。She already had the makings.Gracious she was.By gracious I mean full of graces.She had an erectness of c

12、arriage,an ease of bearing,a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding.At table her manners were exquisite.I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house-a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast,gravy,chopped nuts,and a dipper of sauerkrautwithout even gettin

13、g her fingers moist。Intelligent she was not。In fact,she veered in the opposite direction。But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up.At any rate，it was worth a try。It is，after all，easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart girl beautiful.“Petey,I said,“are y

14、ou in love with Polly Espy？“I think shes a keen kid，”he replied,“but I dont know if youd call it love.Why？”“Do you,”I asked，“have any kind of formal arrangement with her？I mean are you going steady or anything like that？“No.We see each other quite a bit,but we both have other dates.Why？”“Is there,”I

15、 asked,“any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?”“Not that I know of.Why？”I nodded with satisfaction。“In other words,if you were out of the picture，the field would be open.Is that right？”“I guess so.What are you getting at?“Nothing，nothing,I said innocently,and took my suitcase out the

16、closet.“Where are you going？”asked Petey。“Home for weekend.”I threw a few things into the bag。“Listen,”he said,clutching my arm eagerly，“while youre home,you couldnt get some money from your old man,could you，and lend it to me so I can buy a raccoon coat？”“I may do better than that,I said with a mys

17、terious wink and closed my bag and left。“Look，”I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning。I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge,hairy，gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bearcat in 1925.“Holy Toledo！said Petey reverently。He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then

18、his face。“Holy Toledo！”he repeated fifteen or twenty times.“Would you like it？I asked.“Oh yes！”he cried，clutching the greasy pelt to him。Then a canny look came into his eyes。“What do you want for it？”“Your girl。”I said，mincing no words.“Polly?”he said in a horrified whisper.“You want Polly？“Thats ri

19、ght。”He flung the coat from him。“Never，”he said stoutly.I shrugged.“Okay。If you dont want to be in the swim，I guess its your business.”I sat down in a chair and pretended to read a book，but out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey.He was a torn man.First he looked at the coat with the expre

20、ssion of a waif at a bakery window。Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely.Then he looked back at the coat,with even more longing in his face。Then he turned away，but with not so much resolution this time。Back and forth his head swiveled，desire waxing,resolution waning.Finally he didnt turn aw

21、ay at all;he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.“It isnt as though I was in love with Polly，”he said thickly.“Or going steady or anything like that.”“Thats right，I murmured.“Whats Polly to me，or me to Polly？”“Not a thing，said I.“Its just been a casual kickjust a few laughs，thats all。”“T

22、ry on the coat，”said I.He complied.The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops.He looked like a mound of dead raccoons。“Fits fine，he said happily.I rose from my chair.“Is it a deal?”I asked，extending my hand.He swallowed.“Its a deal,”he said and shook my hand。I

23、had my first date with Polly the following evening.This was in the nature of a survey;I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required。I took her first to dinner。“Gee,that was a delish dinner，she said as we left the restaurant.Then I took her to a mov

24、ie.“Gee,that was a marvy movie，she said as we left the theatre.And then I took her home。“Gee,I had a sensaysh time,”she said as she bade me good night。I went back to my room with a heavy heart。I had gravely underestimated the size of my task.This girls lack of information was terrifying.Nor would it

25、 be enough merely to supply her with information.First she had to be taught to think。This loomed as a project of no small dimensions，and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey.But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she

26、 handled a knife and fork，and I decided to make an effort.I went about it,as in all things,systematically。I gave her a course in logic.It happened that I,as a law student,was taking a course in logic myself,so I had all the facts at my fingertips。“Poll,”I said to her when I picked her up on our next

27、 date，“tonight we are going over to the Knoll and talk.“Oo，terrif，”she replied.One thing I will say for this girl:you would go far to find another so agreeable。We went to the Knoll，the campus trysting place,and we sat down under an old oak，and she looked at me expectantly.“What are we going to talk

28、about？”she asked.“Logic。”She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it.“Magnif，”she said.“Logic，I said,clearing my throat，“is the science of thinking.Before we can think correctly,we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic.These we will take up tonight.”“Wowdow！”she

29、 cried，clapping her hands delightedly。I winced，but went bravely on。“First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter。”“By all means，”she urged,batting her lashes eagerly.“Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization。For example:Exercise is good。Therefore everyb

30、ody should exercise.”“I agree,”said Polly earnestly.“I mean exercise is wonderful.I mean it builds the body and everything.”“Polly,”I said gently,“the argument is a fallacy。Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization。For instance，if you have heart disease,exercise is bad,not good.Many people a

31、re ordered by their doctors not to exercise。You must qualify the generalization。You must say exercise is usually good,or exercise is good for most people.Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter.Do you see？”“No,she confessed。“But this is marvy.Do more!Do more！”“It will be better if you stop

32、tugging at my sleeve,I told her,and when she desisted，I continued。“Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization.Listen carefully:You cant speak French.Petey Bellows cant speak French.I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French.”“Really?”said Polly，a

33、mazed。“Nobody？”I hid my exasperation。“Polly,its a fallacy。The generalization is reached too hastily。There are too few instances to support such a conclusion。“Know any more fallacies?”she asked breathlessly.“This is more fun than dancing even.I fought off a wave of despair。I was getting nowhere with

34、this girl,absolutely nowhere。Still,I am nothing if not persistent.I continued.“Next comes Post Hoc.Listen to this:Lets not take Bill on our picnic.Every time we take him out with us，it rains.“I know somebody just like that，she exclaimed.“A girl back home-Eula Becker,her name is。It never fails。Every

35、single time we take her on a picnic”“Polly,I said sharply,“its a fallacy.Eula Becker doesnt cause the rain.She has no connection with the rain.You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker.“Ill never do it again,”she promised contritely。“Are you mad at me？”I sighed。“No,Polly,Im not mad.”“Then

36、tell me some more fallacies.”“All right。Lets try Contradictory Premises.”“Yes,lets，”she chirped,blinking her eyes happily.I frowned，but plunged ahead。“Heres an example of Contradictory Premises:If God can do anything，can He make a stone so heavy that He wont be able to lift it？”“Of course，”she repli

37、ed promptly。“But if He can do anything,He can lift the stone,”I pointed out.“Yeah,”she said thoughtfully.“Well，then I guess He cant make the stone。”“But He can do anything,”I reminded her。She scratched her pretty,empty head。“Im all confused,”she admitted.“Of course you are。Because when the premises

38、of an argument contradict each other,there can be no argument.If there is an irresistible force,there can be no immovable object.If there is an immovable object,there can be no irresistible force.Get it？”“Tell me more of this keen stuff，she said eagerly。I consulted my watch.“I think wed better call

39、it a night.Ill take you home now,and you go over all the things youve learned。Well have another session tomorrow night。”I deposited her at the girls dormitory,where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening，and I went glumly home to my room.Petey lay snoring in his bed,the raccoon c

40、oat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet。For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back。It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure.The girl simply had a logic-proof head。But then I reconsidered。I had wasted one evening；I might as well waste a

41、nother.Who knew?Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind a few members still smoldered.Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame.Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope，but I decided to give it one more try.Seated under the oak the next evening I said,“Our first fallacy tonight i

42、s called Ad Misericordiam.”She quivered with delight.“Listen closely,”I said.“A man applies for a job.When the boss asks him what his qualifications are,he replies that he has a wife and six children at home，the wife is a helpless cripple，the children have nothing to eat，no clothes to wear，no shoes

43、on their feet，there are no beds in the house,no coal in the cellar,and winter is coming.A tear rolled down each of Pollys pink cheeks。“Oh，this is awful,awful,”she sobbed.“Yes，its awful,I agreed,“but its no argument.The man never answered the bosss question about his qualifications.Instead he appeale

44、d to the bosss sympathy。He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam.Do you understand?”“Have you got a handkerchief？she blubbered。I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes.“Next，”I said in a carefully controlled tone,“we will discuss False Analogy.Here is

45、 an example:Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations。After all，surgeons have X-rays to guide them during an operation,lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial,carpenters have blueprints to guide them when they are building a house。Why，then,shouldnt students b

46、e allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?”“There now，”she said enthusiastically,“is the most marvy idea Ive heard in years.”“Polly,”I said testily，“the argument is all wrong.Doctors，lawyers，and carpenters arent taking a test to see how much they have learned,but students are.The si

47、tuations are altogether different，and you cant make an analogy between them。“I still think its a good idea,”said Polly.“Nuts，”I muttered。Doggedly I pressed on。“Next well try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact。”“Sounds yummy,”was Pollys reaction。“Listen:If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photograph

48、ic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende，the world today would not know about radium.”“True，true，”said Polly，nodding her head“Did you see the movie?Oh，it just knocked me out。That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy。I mean he fractures me。”“If you can forget Mr。Pidgeon for a moment，”I said coldly,“I

49、would like to point out that statement is a fallacy.Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date.Maybe somebody else would have discovered it.Maybe any number of things would have happened。You cant start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusio

50、ns from it。”“They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in more pictures，”said Polly,“I hardly ever see him any more.”One more chance，I decided.But just one more。There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear。“The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well。“How cute!”she gurgled.“Two men are having a debate