Human Resources《人力资源（2022）》第一季第八集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

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1、然后萝谢尔害我变成一只超级大恨虫And then Rochelle made me get all big and hateworm-y,接着我吐得到处都是and I threw up everywhere,然后其他人也开始吐and then everyone else started throwing up.然后那又让你继续吐And that made you throw up again.对然后这个德国荷尔蒙男怪开始打起飞机来Yeah, which made this one German Hormone Monster start to jerk off. 是卡尔海恩喳喳吗？Was it

2、 Karl Heinzhaza?对就是他！Yes! That was him.总之我的第一场大会简直是场灾难Anyway, my first conference was a disaster.我在找那个东西Im, uh, looking for the thing?那个合法的东西就在这里某处The legal thing thats here somewhere.哦斗屈♥后面的房♥间Oh, the cock fight. Back room.秘密暗号♥是什么？Whats the secret password?听着你个遹遢的矮冬瓜Listen, yo

3、u grubby little hobbit.如果你不让开我就把你的会阴割下来喂你家人If you dont step aside, I will slice your taint off and feed it to your family. 哇从来没人能说得一字不漏你做到了 ！Wow! Nobody gets every word correct. You did it!大家我是瑞克！Im Rick, everybody!我穿着游泳用的内♥裤♥我的名字是瑞克哦Im wearing underwear for swimming and my name is Ric

4、k.来吧你们这些可耻的小变♥态♥Come on, you shameful little sickos, 准备开干吧！lets get ready to grundle!干掉它牛肉先生！Get him, Mr. Beef!把它揍成灰让我撒在瑞克性感的屁♥股♥上吸！Wait, don*t go.好啊我留下来要巴里先走吗？Okay. Yeah. Ill stay. Should Barry go?哦抱歉我是在和光说话Oh, no, I- Tm sorry. I was talking to the light.当然这正常得很祝你和光相处愉快S

5、ure, thats normal. Uh, have fun with the light.请你别走Please stay.很抱歉我不能在这里Im sorry. I can*t be here.不是吧搞什么？你居然离开？No! No! What the hell? You left?我们不能和人类扯上关系We cant get involved with humans.你知道这是被禁止的这是首要规则You know thats forbidden. Its the number-one rule.但你回去找克劳蒂亚了对吗？But you went back to Claudia, right

6、?我当然回去了我情难自禁Of course I went back. I couldn*t help myself.哎呀糟糕你回来了Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! -Yourre back!那是我吗？Is that supposed to be me?那要看情况了你喜欢吗？Well, that depends. Do you like it?我超爱的哇I love it! Wow!你那天为什么要离开？ 我害怕Why did you leave the other day? -I was scared.害怕我？Scared of me?不是害怕被你看见所带来的感觉No!

7、Scared of the way I felt when you saw me.有些事情是爱虫和人类不允许一起做的There are just some things that Lovebugs and humans arent allowed to do together. 这又是谁规定的？Well, who made those rules?说实话我也不知道Honestly, I have no fucking idea.我其中一个客户要生了One of my clients is going into labor.哦那你快去吧Oh! Youve gotta go.不如你也一起来吧？ 这

8、样不好吧Why don*t you come with me? -Oh, I. I donft know.来嘛我们要将新生命带到这个世上Oh, come on, were bringing life into the world!你一定会喜欢的相信我Youre going to love it. Trust me.而且那个爸爸肯定会晕倒所以会很有趣的Oh, and the dad is definitely gonna faint, so thats gonna be fun.哇操那走吧去看一个软弱的白种男人晕倒Fuck it! Lets go watch a weak white man f

9、aint!他是白种男人吧？Im assuming hes white, right?这一角是施痛者In this corner, the Main Vein of Pain, 兼喷♥精 ♥大 ♥师♥the Master Cum Blaster, 牛肉先生！Mr. Beef!来吧小丁丁 ！Come on, little dicks!这一角则是来自南费城的小♥弟♥弟♥And in this corner, the Little Willy from South Philly.即将成为器官捐献者的小不点

10、老二The Tiny Boner soon to become an Organ Donor, 弱鸡♥巴♥尔勃起！Cocky Ballsboa.耶介绍得很棒呢Hey, thats a really great intro!毛瑞你的展♥根本不可能赢如要我禁欲般不可能Ooh, Maury, your dick doesnt stand a blue balls chance in horny hell. 它不是我的屈♥我不是它的教练了听到没？Hes not my dick, fm not his coach anymore； you hear

11、 me?你别这样你真的要让弱鸡独自作战吗？Oh, come on, youre really gonna let Cocky go it alone?好吧开始啦我指望你们公平较量All right, here we go. Im expecting a fair fight here.天哪我都不敢看了Oh, God, I cant even look.就趁这个时候手动更新一下我手♥机♥上的软件吧I guess Fil just take this moment to manually update the apps on my phone. 使劲打我啊你个小姨&he

12、arts;子♥Come on! Hit me harder, you little bitch.加油啊肉♥棒♥子蛋步放轻盈Come on, cocksickle. Stay light on your balls.该死的它整个阴♥茎♥体右侧都毫无防备Oh, damn it! Hes leaving the whole right side of his shaft open.喂裁判你是瞎了还是怎样？Oh, come on, ref! What are you, blind?不是不过我早该做白内障手术了Well, no, bu

13、t I am overdue for cataract surgery.牛肉先生会把你的小矮展♥给葬了毛瑞Mr. Beefs gonna put your dopey little dick in the ground, Maury!就葬在阿波罗亏精旁边Right next to Apollo Cream!阿波罗来一段闪回吧Apollo. Lets cut to a flashback.我的脑子好痛啊！My brain hurts!打完后我们去买♥♥阿司匹林Well get an aspirin after the fight!不要啊！No!我们永远不

14、会知道那天哪里出错了Well never know what went wrong that day, 但我绝对不会让悲剧再次发生but Fil be damned if I let it happen again!没错毛瑞去指导那根展♥ !Thats right, Maury. Coach that cock!嘿弱鸡听我说Hey, Cocky. Listen to me.毛瑞我很乐意听你说但我正在比赛呢Oh, man, Maury, Td love to, but Pm- Im doing a fight up here.不对弱鸡是我们正在比赛-太好了No, Cocky. We

15、re doing a fight up here. -Hey, great!哎呀不太好-好吧这个怪我这是我的错Not great. -Okay, that one*s on me. That- Thats my bad.就差一点了布兰达Okay, youre almost there, Brenda. Youre almost there.记得保持呼吸节奏这是属于你的时刻Remember your breathing. This is your moment.你是个女神你是个勇士You are a goddess. You are a warrior.天哪谢谢你Oh, God. Thank y

16、ou.你让我感觉自己很强大就像龙达鲁西或者一辆卡车You make me feel so strong, like Ronda Rousey or a- a truck.你真的好厉害You are amazing.头出来啦Here comes the head.杰夫快过去-这个嘛我不太确定我想看Jeff! Jeff, get down there. -Oh, no. Tm not so sure I want to see it.不见证这个神奇的时刻你会后悔的去吧杰夫Youll be sorry if you dont witness this magical moment. Come on,

17、 Jeff. 好吧Okay.好啦他来啦Okay, he*s here!瞧瞧他的小脸蛋Oh, look at this little face!你做到了布兰达You did that, Brenda.是我的儿子耶！Its my son!我要晕了And its happening.你看跟你说了吧See? Told you.看着你为这家人的生活带来这么多爱实在太不可思议了Watching you bring so much love into that familys life was incredible. 谢谢你Oh, thank you.之后必须转身离开对你来说会很难吗？Is it hard

18、for you to just leave afterwards?是有一点但这就是我的工作啊Yeah, kind of, but its what I do, you know?我帮助促进他人的喜悦然后就回家I help facilitate joy for other people, and then I go home.哇其实我也是这样耶Wow. Thafs actually exactly what I do.有时候还挺孤单的对吧？Yeah, it can get lonely sometimes, right?是啊Yeah.那我们现在要做什么？So, what do we do now

19、?想不想看看绝对会让你叹为观止的东西？Well, you want to see something that1! blow your ass away?当然Always.哇这是什么地方？Wow. What is this place?欢迎来到奇思异想部门Welcome to the Department of Magical Thinking.哇无形的声音我喜欢Oh, shit! Disembodied voices. Yes, please.精彩的还在后面呢握着我的手Oh-ho! You aint seen nothin* yet! Take my hand.哇看看这满天的星星好漂亮啊Oh

20、, wow. Look at the stars； theyre incredible.你的星座是什么？ 这就是你最好的搭讪台词了吗？Hey, whats your sign? -Now, come on, girl. Is that the best pick-up line you have? 你就回答我嘛Just answer.好啦我是水瓶座Fine, fine, Im an Aquarius.喂水瓶座快他妈醒醒！Hey, Aquarius! Wake the fuck up!早就醒了啦Im up. Tm up.哦桑娅你还带了个人类？你坏坏哦Oh, Sonya! And you brou

21、ght a human? Naughty, naughty.开玩笑的我才不鸟呢Just kidding, I dont give a fuck. Ahh!给我朋友克劳蒂亚做你最拿手的事给她算命Do that thing you do for my friend Claudia. Read her fortune.是解读星座好吗？Uh-uh. You know its called a horoscope.还是不要了吧我相信他也不想Oh, no, no, no. Tm sure he doesnft wanna-我想怎样你管不着Dont tell me what I want.抓稳你们的奶&he

22、arts;子♥咯女士们Now, hold on to your tits, ladies.克劳蒂亚作为一个水瓶座Claudia, as an Aquarius,你这一生注定不凡或者疯狂you are destined for greatness or madness.不过应该是不凡但也可能是疯狂But probably greatness. Or maybe madness.因为宝贝你是一束烟花Because, baby, youre a firework.来吧向大家展现你的绚烂Come on, show em what youre worth.等等那不是一首歌♥吗

23、？-我最讨厌歌♥了Wait. Isnrt that a song? -Ugh, I hate songs.写歌♥的人都可以吃我的屎去没错他们就该吃屎People who write songs can eat my whole asshole. Yes, they can.还有你会和一个女孩接吻而且会很享受Also, you gonna kiss a girl and you gonna like it.你听到星座说的了Well, you heard the constellation.我想这是星星的旨意I guess its in the stars.没错我就说嘛

24、瞧瞧你俩接吻Ooh, thats right, I said it. Look at yall kissin.瞧瞧女孩们接吻我最喜欢女孩们接吻了Look at girls kissin1.1 like when ladies kiss.天哪你爱上了她是的Oh, my God. You fell in love with her. -I did.拜托告诉我你们从此过上了幸福的生活Oh, please tell me youre living happily ever after她就像个性感的E.T.一样躲在你的公♥寓♥里and shes hiding in your

25、apartment like a sexy E.T., 用她发光的手指给你揉小豆豆flicking your bean with her glow fingy.艾米你真的觉得这个故事有幸福的结局么？Emmy! Do you actually think this story has a happy ending?我现在在这里工作呢I work here now.但这不公平！爱虫为什么就不能和人类在一起？But its not fair! Why cant a Lovebug be with a human?那会让人类失去理智我们也一样Ah, it fucks with their minds.

26、 And it fucks with ours too.当初是你要雇用克劳蒂亚的！Youre the one who wanted to hire Claudia in the first place!对但你俩在一起的时候Yeah, but when you two are together,我觉得自己就像是某种奇怪的约会里的电灯泡I feel like the third person on some weird date.嘿派对狂们Hey, party people.哇怎么搞得像办丧事似的？Whoa! Whats with the funeral vibes in here?巴里想解雇克劳

27、蒂亚Barry wants to fire Claudia.什么？为什么？What? Why?告诉我你对克劳蒂亚并没有什么奇怪的迷恋Just tell me you don*t have some kind of weird crush on Claudia, 我就闭口不再提这件事and Ill shut up about the whole thing.你这是在无理取闹我只是很喜欢她而已！Youre being ridiculous! I just like her a lot.这可不是我想听到的答案Well, that*s not what I was hoping for!不对你爱她我们

28、想和她共度余生！No! No, no, you love her! We want to spend the rest of our lives with her! 够你♥他♥妈♥在说什么啊？Stop. What the fuck are you talking about?把巴里给甩了我们离开他和克劳蒂亚在一起Dump Barrys bitch ass. Lets leave him for Claudia.我们永远都不用再穿胸罩了！None of us will ever have to wear a bra again!哇你听着跟疯了似的我爱巴里

29、Whoa, you sound crazy right now. I love Barry.你不爰他！No, you dont!我爱他而且他说得对Yes, I do. And hes right.我不应该如此痴迷于克劳蒂亚你也一样I shouldnt be so obsessed with Claudia, and you shouldnt either!去你的！Fuck you!如果你解雇克劳蒂亚你生出来的宝宝就会是个笨蛋If you fire Claudia, your baby is gonna be a complete turd.够了桑娅给我滚出我的房♥子！Thats

30、it, Sonya! Get the hell out of my house!我早就打算走了！Oh, I was already fucking leaving!贝卡有时候真是个无情的姨♥子♥Becca can be such a ruthless bitch!你觉得怎么样？Okay, okay, what do you think?沙发摆在这里还是原来的位置比较好？Does the couch look better over here or where I had it?克劳蒂亚你有没有在听我说话？他们要解雇你Claudia? Are you hearing

31、me? They want to fire you.也许这是件好事Well, maybe thats a good thing, okay?我应该放弃我所有的客户和你在一起就好I should just get rid of all of my clients and just be with you.什么？不行！What? No!你把新生命和喜悦带到这世上You bring life and joy into the world.是的为其他人那我们呢？Yeah, for other people. What about us?我们的喜悦呢？我应该把这盏灯扔掉吗？What about our

32、joy? Should I throw this lamp away?为什么？这盏灯怎么了 ？Why? What*s wrong with the lamp?我不需要它你是我的光We dont need it. Youre my light.我们一起远走高飞吧什么？我们还能去哪儿？Lets run away together. -What? Where would we even go?星星啊你不能带我看星星The stars. You cant show me the stars,还指望我继续住在布♥什♥维克这破地方then expect for me to ju

33、st go on living down here in fucking Bushwick.克劳蒂亚我们不能回到上面去人类是不允许生活Claudia, we canft go back up there. Humans arent allowed to live-那就下来地球和我一起生活Then come down here and live on Earth with me.那里又有什么好留恋的？What would you be leaving behind anyway?她说得很对She was so right.我活了数百万年从来没有过这样的感觉In all my millions o

34、f years, Td never felt anything like that. 再说了这里的大家都糟透了Plus, everyone up here sucks.如果我要住在这里的话Well, if Im gonna live here,沙发靠着那面墙会比较好the couch might be better against that wall.我爱你-我爱你I love you. -I love you.真不敢相信他们要把镜头转到斗展♥场I cant believe theyre gonna pan away to a cockfight.（第四回合）（第五回合）下掉它！

35、Get him! Get him!（第六回合）（第七回合第八回合）哈喽我的眼睛在这里呢Excuse me, my eye is up here, folks.给我放血吧毛瑞Cut me, boy.来个回旋拳！干掉那根屈♥ !Come on, roundhouse! Get that dick!耶！Yeah! Fool!傻叉我要把你揍得不成展♥形Im gonna beat you so bad,直到你看起来像个装满骨头的睡袋youre gonna look like a sleeping bag full of bones!一根软趴趴的展♥ !Just

36、a limp dick!（第十回合）毛瑞你得扔袜子了Maury, you- you gotta throw in the sock, man.我受不了了我精疲力竭了That dick is too much. I- Tm cooked.你行的你知道为什么吗？因为你是弱鸡♥巴♥尔勃起No, youre not. You know why? Because youre Cocky Ballsboa.你比我见过的任何展♥都更有决心、更有脑浆And you have more heart in your nuts, and more fluid in your

37、 brain than any dick Fve ever seen.我的头现在确实感觉像一杯凤梨可乐达My head does feel like a pina colada right now.你知道你让我想起了谁吗？阿波罗亏精You know who you remind me of? Apollo Cream.因为不管你愿不愿意我都会让你完成这场比赛Because I am gonna make you finish this fight whether you want to or not.把那根丁丁给葬了你个丑八怪大块展♥ !Put that dick in the

38、ground, you ugly hunk of fuck!听着弱鸡你不能打赢它但你可以搀赢它Look, Cocky, you cant out-punch him. But you can out-stroke him.那是哪一招？-揉捏蛋蛋上下橹动阴♥茎♥体Whats that now? -Cradle the balls, stroke the shaft.嘿听起来很棒呢而且有点熟悉Hey, that sounds pretty great. Also, you know, kind of familiar.看完这集之后上网搜一下吧Maybe Google i

39、t after the episode.想大便? Trying to poop J老虎托尼是我好朋友J Tony the Tiger is a personal friend J我们两家人一起去度假We vacation together with our families J我们的孩子一样大所以一起出去玩很合理Our kids are the same age； so it makes sense to hang )我们都睡在分时度假屋里的And we all sleep in one big round bed J一张大圆床上J In the timeshare )它到底在干什么？What

40、 the fuck is he doing?它在给它打飞机！Hes jacking him off!我♥操♥爽爆了Oh, shit! This feels amazing.加文已经一个月不让我射了Beat him into dust so I can snort him off Ricks fuckable ass.嘿莫娜第一次看斗展♥比赛吗？Hey, Mona. First time at the fights?不是我看过的斗展♥比赛可多了但怎么不见安全套？Oh, no, Ive seen plenty of cock fights.

41、But where are the condoms?这是非法斗展♥亲爱的This here is an illegal cock fight, honey.没有安全套没有润滑剂No condoms, no lube.只有两个赤♥裸♥裸的展♥互相把对方砸得血肉模糊 Just two genitals raw-dogging each other bloody.看着都觉得鸡鸡疼I felt that in my dick.老乔我们可怜的屈♥看起来就像血淋淋的腌黄瓜Joe, our poor cock looks like a b

42、loody pickle!扔袜子吧快扔袜子！Throw in the sock! Throw in the sock!我也想扔但它卡在我手上了 ！Im trying, but it*s stuck to my hand!没错下一个是谁？我要把你们统统干掉！Thats right! Whos next? Ill beat you all off!不愧是我坚硬如石的肉♥棒♥子Thats my rock-hard sauseege!那个该死的加文他训练的那根展♥还真能打Goddamn that Gavin. That penis he trained is

43、a killer.瞧瞧这根屈♥上的青筋它就像是一张奥沙克山脉的地图Look at the veins on this cock! Hes like a map of the Ozarks.真希望有根层♥能教训一下它I wish someone would put him in his place.不如让你其中一根层♥上吧毛瑞？Well, what about one of your penises, Maury?康妮在牛肉先生那样对我的宝贝阿波罗亏精之后Oh, Connie, I cant let another one of my dicks fig

44、ht Mr. Beef.我不能再让我的展♥和牛肉先生对打了Not after what he did to my sweet Apollo Cream.亲爰的那不是你的错Oh, honey, that wasnt your fault.我永远不会忘记它的临终遗言Oh, Fil never forget his last words.“毛瑞求你别让我回到擂台上“Maury, please, dont make me go back in the ring with him.Gavin hasnt let me bust in a month.下淫雨吧！Make it rain!全吸

45、回去！Suck it back in!七、八、九、十Seven, eight, a nine, a ten!它彻底倒阳了！And hes flaccid!弱鸡！Cocky! Cocky! Cocky!毛瑞我成功了我没死！Maury! I did it! I didnt die!没错小子你成功了而且你完全正常Thats right, kid. You did it and youre absolutely fine.嘿哟毛瑞我成功了我没死！Hey, yo, Maury, I- I did it! And I didnt die!哎呀Oh, boy.所以你们要一起远走高飞好浪漫Okay, so y

46、ou guys were gonna run away together, love that.但我得问一个是虫阴一个是女♥阴♥But I gotta ask, with the bug parts and the lady parts,你们的性生活怎么样啊？like, how did it work sexually?好得足以让我辞掉我的工作Um, good enough that I was gonna quit my job.嘿虫子浑身冒着冷汗疯狂地收拾办公室Hey, bug! Manically packing up your office in a col

47、d sweat.你怎么每况愈下了亲爱的？Whats with the downward spiral, honey?沃尔特我正要去找你Oh, Walter, I was just coming to find you.给Uh, here!这是什么？ 我的客户我需要你接手Uh, what*s this? -My clients. I need you to take them over.你在胡扯什么呢？-我要走了我和克劳蒂亚相爱了What the fuck are you talking about? -fm leaving. Me and Claudia are in love.所以你就不当爱虫了？你不能这么做那是你的使命So, youre just going to stop being a Lovebug? You cant do that. Itfs your purpose. 去我的