【续写课件】读后续写讲评与写作思路点拨.pptx

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1、读后续写讲评与写作思路点拨A MOTHERS DAY SURPRISE The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the surprise they were planning for Mothers Day.How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed.They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge.They had watched their moth

2、er in the kitchen.There was nothing to it.Jenna and Jeff knew exactly what to do.The big day came at last.The alarm rang at 6 a.m.The pair went down the stairs quietly to the kitchen.They decided to boil the porridge first.They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil while they made th

3、e French toast.Jeff broke two eggs into a plate and added in some milk.Jenna found the bread and put two slices into the egg mixture.Next,Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the frying pan.Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying the bread.The pan was too hot and the bre

4、ad turned black within seconds.Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other slice of bread.This time,she turned down the fire so it cooked nicely.Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid starting to shake.The next minute,the porridge boiled over and put out the f

5、ire.Jenna panicked.Thankfully,Jeff stayed calm and turned off the gas quickly.But the stove was a mess now.Jenna told Jeff to clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the porridge.But Jeffs hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of pain.Jenna made him put his hand in cold water.

6、Then she caught the smell of burning.Oh dear!The piece of bread in the pan had turned black as well.文本分析文本分析1.Read for theme（定主题）本文的主题就是标题了：AMOTHERSDAYSURPRISE，如果还要进一步升华，那就是体现了孩子们对妈妈的爱。2.Readforclues（找线索）人物：twins:Jeff,Jenna;fatherandmother 想法：thesurprisetheywereplanningforMothersDay,brought herbreak

7、fastinbed.情感：Thetwins:-excitement,pleasedandproud -Jennapanicked.-Jeffstayedcalm -ButJeffshandtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain.精心策划信心满满实施计划遭遇失败调整计划手忙脚乱Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.场景一：根据fatherappeared推测下一

8、个场景：father的反应（说什么？做什么）场景二：根据carriedthebreakfast推测上一个场景：breakfast已经做好第一段核心场景：第一段核心场景：父亲帮孩子收拾残局并且指导父亲帮孩子收拾残局并且指导/协作做早餐。协作做早餐。提示：读后续写中如何把繁琐的动作简化是一个很重要的技能。提示：读后续写中如何把繁琐的动作简化是一个很重要的技能。3.Readforplot（构思情节）Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.第二段的场景构思：场景一：妈妈的反应（surprise）场景二：孩子们的回应（express

9、ing）-Happy Mothers Day 场景三：感受（feeling:pleased;proud.)考场作文Paragraph 1:As the twins looked around them in disappointment,their father appeared.The bad smell slipped into his nose.He noticd a black bread in the pan and a cried Jeff.The twins could hardly contain their sadness to sob.The father held the

10、m in strong and warm arms.After a while,the twins collected their sadness and father helped them prepared the breakfast.With the guidance of their father,the twins finished the breakfast.The egg was golden.So delicious was smell.The twins were sparkling with excitement.And they decided to wake up th

11、eir mum up by breakfast.Paragraph 2:The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.Their mother opened the eyes slowly.A good smell filled the room.She looked around the room and found two faces with smile,who were carrying the breakfast.Tears and smile mingled on her face.How luc

12、ky she was that she had two cute babies.She thought.When she ate the breakfast,it was salt but also sweet.And the twins burst into laughter.Laughter was lingered in the room.To the mom,the best surprise was the love not the breakfast.23 极简思维就是根据两个提示句上下各思考一个场景，达到极简思维就是根据两个提示句上下各思考一个场景，达到每个段落两到三个主要场景就

13、行了。越是极简，越能接近作者每个段落两到三个主要场景就行了。越是极简，越能接近作者的本意。的本意。极简思维：一核两翼，即：一个核心场景（情节），两个衔接场景（情节）原则：reaction-response途径：说一说；动一动；想一想；笑一笑思考：怎么解决场景的自然过渡？“Dont panic!”he handed each one a wet towel,helping them clean the mess quickly.Father说一说，动一动：安慰孩子，帮他们After that,Jeff stammered out their plan,her face flushing.Jeff

14、的反应：说一说，感情描写However,Father laughed,“Sounds great!I can teach you to cook.”Father的回答At this,Jenna and Jeff almost jumped to their feet,joy in eyes.Jenna和Jeff的反应Under his careful guidance,it didnt take long before the French toast and chicken porridge were ready.串联孩子和父亲的场景：学会了Everything settled,Father

15、 left the kitchen,promising to keep their secret.衔接句Meeting their smiling eyes,Mother felt confused until they presented the breakfast and said“Happy Mothers Day”.衔接句：妈妈的反应Mother gave them a tight hug,“Unbelievable!You can cook!Its the biggest surprise I have received.”Her face lit up with happiness

16、.妈妈说一说“They have known how to take care of others.”Father said in response to her excitement,winking at Jenna and Jef.爸爸说一说They couldnt help giggling.It was a secret only shared between them.主题结尾：孩子笑一笑The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.2021年6月浙江高考卷先分析本文：1.Read for them

17、e（定主题）从文中找：my dad saids,“A jobs a big step to growing up.Im glad you will be contributing to the household.”（提示：涉及到父母和孩子的读后续写，可以肯定说，主题一定在父母说的某句话里，这句话一般意味深长）主题是：我长大了。（What）问题是：如何体现我长大了？（How）（答案是：愿意帮助父母解决家里的生计问题，再提升一下：责任和感恩reponsibilityandgratitude）2.Readforclues（找线索）开头两个句子很重要：Para1:Aquietman,hedidntu

18、nderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.Para2:Ididntreallyunderstandhisworldeither：这两句说的父子两人彼此不理解，根据读后续写的规则：最后两人一定彼此理解了。本文属于change类，从负面到正面。同时本文还有一个conflict，即：Para6:butIwasntinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.这里作者的心理并说明了原因，这是很重要的线索，说明了这里作者的心理并说明了原因，这是很重要的线索，说明了我不想交钱给爸爸。这个线索如何照应也是需要

19、思考的我不想交钱给爸爸。这个线索如何照应也是需要思考的提示：一篇文章可能还有很多线索，但是我们无须全部照应。提示：一篇文章可能还有很多线索，但是我们无须全部照应。建议：建议：过多的线索照应并不是好事，它会让你的文章逻辑显得过多的线索照应并不是好事，它会让你的文章逻辑显得拼凑一样。我们照应围绕主题的线索就可以了。拼凑一样。我们照应围绕主题的线索就可以了。Para5:my dad said,A jobs a big step to growing up.Im glad you will be contributing to the household.3.Readforplot（构思情节）极简思维

20、：一核两翼，一个核心场景（情节），两个衔接场景（情节）第一段的构思：第一段的构思：核心场景：核心场景：我把钱交给了父亲我把钱交给了父亲前后各一个衔接场景：前后各一个衔接场景：衔接一：衔接一：父亲的反应（喜悦、祝贺）父亲的反应（喜悦、祝贺）过渡场景：过渡场景：我的不情愿（照应前文线索）我的不情愿（照应前文线索）衔接二：衔接二：父亲把钱给我，并且让我随便花。父亲把钱给我，并且让我随便花。第二段的构思：第二段的构思：核心场景：核心场景：我长大了！我长大了！我理解了父亲。我理解了父亲。或者或者 ：父亲对我说父亲对我说“儿子，你长大了！儿子，你长大了！”衔接一：衔接一：我的困惑，父亲的解释我的困惑，父亲

21、的解释过渡场景：过渡场景：我的羞愧我的羞愧衔接二：衔接二：我的感受（点明主题）我的感受（点明主题）Paragraph 1:When I brought my paycheck home,it was$119-my dad wanted to talk to me.“Congratulations!”A smile played on his lips.He opened his mouth again but closed(欲言又止).That was when I realized he was waiting for something to happen.After all,it was

22、 hard for a quiet man to ask for my paycheck.But deep down,how reluctant I was!“It may help pay family expenses.”I handed him the money,hanging my head.“So big a fortune!But now you can use it freely,”he pressed it into my hand.Paragraph2 I was surprised my dad allowed me to use the money as I wishe

23、d.Noticing my confusion,Dad laughed,“Dont you want a basketball?You mentioned it in your dreams.”Hearing that,I flushed for my selfishness.Dad understood me!“But shouldnt I.contribute to the household?”I stammered with shame.“A heart with gratitude and responsibility is a bigger step to growing up,”Dad pulled me into his arms,saying firmly,“You are a man,my son.”It was the first time I had felt the great strength of his hug and-his recognition.