2016年10月浙江高考读后续写讲评.ppt

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1、2016年10月浙江高考读后续写讲评OneweekendinJuly,Janeandherhusband,Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,“Imgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”andwalkedaway.Withnopat

2、htofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Jan

3、e kept moving,but the farther she walked,the moreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.Jane rose at the break of day,hungry and thirsty.She cou

4、ld hear water trickling(滴落)somewhere at a distance.Quickly she followed the sound to a stream.To her great joy,she also saw some berry bushes.She drank and ate a few berries.Never in her life had she tasted anything better.Feeling stronger now,Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would le

5、ad her to the lake.As she picked her way carefully along the stream,Jane heard a helicopter.Is that for me?Unfortunately,the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above.A few minutes later,another helicopter flew overhead.Jane took off her yellow blouse,thinking that she should go to a

6、n open area and flag them if they came back again.Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasdark._ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup._续写批改要求：写批改要求：语言-功能与目的是否完成了交际任务，即，意义的表达与传达。Writer表达的与Reader理解的是否一致。写的东西是否makesense,正确和完整性。给分分档次档次融洽度：融洽度：人物，地点，事件等与前文相符合。晚上Jane做了生么？从Jane的角度去写。这样衔接才合理。“文气”-读起来通畅，舒服。关键词对续写起框定和引导作用：人物：J

7、ane/Tom环境：theforest器物：helicopter/yellowblouse动作：walked/climbed内容如何丰富内容如何丰富：1）同义词、反义词替换。2）故事情节上下功夫。15分为及格分。批卷批卷时：先确定档次，再定：先确定档次，再定给分。以分。以语言言为主，情主，情节次之。次之。全抄的零分，拼凑的有意全抄的零分，拼凑的有意义的，的，给12分。分。少于少于130个字的扣个字的扣2分。分。考生作文（2）P1Janewasexhaustedsinceshehadwalkedforseveralhoursalongthestream.However,shestillmanag

8、edtocoverabigrockwith her yellow blouse,wondering if another helicopter wouldnoticethisremarkablesign.Shewasconvincedthatthelakewasnearby.Afterdoingthis,sheeventuallyclosedhereyesandhadasoundsleep.P2Shestruggledtoherfeetandfoundherselfinatent.Walkingoutside,ahelicoptercameintohersight.“Yousee,itdids

9、aveyourlife.”saidTom,whohandedahotchocolatetoJane.“ThemomentIlosttrackofyou,Icalledthepolicetofindyou.Inspiteofthefirsttwo failed attempts,we saw your yellow blouse last night.”SomethingstuckinJanesthroatandshecouldsaynothingwithtearswellingupinhereyes.Thecouplehuggedeachotherinthemorningbreeze.(148

10、words)短文短文续写写高分特高分特质融洽度融洽度与衔接与衔接内容内容与关键词与关键词语法结构语法结构与词汇与词汇句间连接句间连接 与结构与结构高；合理高；合理丰富；丰富；5个个丰富；丰富；准确准确有效；紧凑有效；紧凑1）合理推理逻辑）合理推理逻辑性强；人称、时性强；人称、时态、态、原文词块、原文词块、句式顺承度高；句式顺承度高；2）思路立意高远；）思路立意高远；3）文风协调一致；文风协调一致；情节推进情节推进细节展开细节展开关键词关键词多且标注多且标注多种句式多种句式语法正确语法正确表达地道表达地道关联词关联词合理合理情节紧密情节紧密样卷1(23分)But no more helicopt

11、ers came and it was getting dark again.Feelingscared and helpless,Janesatbesideatreeandheldhershoulderinherarmstomakeherselfwarm.Slowly,the sun hid himself behind the moutains,and it was hard to see anything.Lookingthroughthe thick darkness,JaneseemedtoseeTomssmilingface.Shesaidtoherselfforthousands

12、 times that she would not leave Tomagain.With a mind to find him,Jane strated tolookforthelakeindarkness.Anhourlater,shewastootired.She lay down on a rock.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Itwasafoggyday.Jane climbed down the rock.She heard thesoundofthestream,soshewalkedtowardthewater.Shesuddenlyheardsom

13、eonesvoice.Tohergreatjoy,itwas Tom!He rushed toherand hugged his wifefirmly.Theircrywhichwas full of happinessbrokethesilenceintheforest.Afterseveralminutes,whenthefog was swept by the wind,Jane figured outeverything:last night she walked here accidentally.Tom recognized her by the yellow blouse in

14、themorning.Mostamazing,it was the car that Jane slept on rather than a rock!样卷2（18分）But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Janebecamemoreandmorenervous.Shethoughtshewouldbestarvetodeaththistime.Howshewishahelicoptercouldcome.Butitdidnthappen.Shecontinuedtowalktofindanopenareasoth

15、athecouldflagheryellowblouse.However,itwastoodarktolookaroundclearly.SoJanemadeadecision.Shedidntwanttogoonanymore.Shewassotiredandfindanareawhichwasfullofgrass.Shesleeptsoon.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Shewasveryhungryandthirsty.Sherememberedthestreamwhereshehadlooked.Shewalkedbackalongthepat

16、h.“IfIdidntquarrelwithTom,IfIstaywithTom,didntwalkedaway.Wemusthaveagoodandromanticevening.”Janebegantocry,Whenshefelthopeless,ahelicoptercame again.To her great joy,Tom stood at front of her at adistance.Janewasshockedandrantowardshim.They huggedeach other tightly.Tom said,“I wont leave you alone a

17、nymore.”Fortunately,Jane was found and they continued theirexcitingjourney.样卷3.(15分)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again，Janefeltsodisappointedandlone.Noonewasherebuther,andshehadnothingwithher.Butshedidntlikebefore,shehadrealizedthatTom was thinking idea to help her.So she should k

18、eep herselfsafetytowaitforhelp.Inaddition,shemadeaplanthatsheshouldreachthelakeonthemorning.Becausethelakewasthecomplyplace.Thenshefellintoasleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Janealreadyhadherplansosheneeddoit.Afterseveralhoursshereachedthelakeandheardthe helicopter again.She felt excited and s

19、hooked her yellowblousetomakeothersseeher.FinallyshesawTomandrushedtohimandgavehimabighug.Shasaidincry,“Ishouldntannoyyou.Ishouldntwalkawaybymyself.ImwrongandIreallyloveyou.”Tomforgaveherandfinallytheylivedinabetterrelationshipthanbefore.样卷4（13分）But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark a

20、gain.Janewasverydisappointed,butshedidntgiveup.Shestillkeptwalking,andtriedherbesttofindthelake,shewasscreamedwhenhewalkedontheroad.Intheend,becauseshewastootiredthatshestoppedtoscream.Sheclimbedahighplaceandfallasleepquickly.ButTomsfacecrowdedinhermindbeforesheclosedhereyes.It was daybreak when Jan

21、e woke up.Tohersurprised,shefoundTomwasalongsideher!SheaskedTomwhyshewasinthere.Tomsaidhecalledthepolcetohelphim,andtheydrivedthehelicopterthefoundherlaidinahighplace.Jane was so moved,then she told Tom how much shelovedhim,andpromisedshewillneverdoitagain!Tomwasveryhappyandtheyneverhavesomequarrels

22、.考生作文考生作文 1.(23-24)But no helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was sad.She sat by the stream,resting her aching feet.If I hadnt quarreled with Tom,I wouldnt have to be here.Jane thought regretfully,with tears welling up in her eyes.She wanted to say sorry to Tom for losing her temper.

23、However,the only thing she could do was lie by the stream and wait for help.It was getting late and Jane fell asleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She stood up to find something to eat.She walked and walked until she came to an open area where water and berries were available.Suddenly,she heard

24、a helicopter.She took off her yellow blouse and began shaking it widely,hoping someone could see her.She shouted out“Tom”.The helicopter slowed down and landed on the ground.With the door open,Tom ran out.Seeing Jane,he was so excited and couldnt contain his joy.He hugged Jane tightly.“Tom,I wont lo

25、se my temper again.I want to stay with you forever.”Jane said in tears.2.(23分分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Feelingscaredandhelpless,Janesatbesideatreeandheldhershoulderin her arms to make herself warmer.Slowly,the sun hid himself behind the mountains,and it was hard to see anything.

26、Looking through the thick darkness,Jane seemed to see Toms smiling face.She said to himself for thousands times that she would not leave Tom again.Withamindtofindhim,Janestartedtolookforthelakeindarkness.Anhourlater,shewastootired,soshelaydownonarock.3.(20分分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkag

27、ain.Janewastootiredtowalk.Then she sat on a stone,drinking and eating a few berries.Althougitwasdark,shecouldalsoseethestream.Sheshouted,“Tom,Imwaitingforyouhere,Iloveyou!”And she believed that her family will come soon when she wake up tomorrow.Eventually,shesleptquietlyandsmiled.ItwasdaybreakwhenJ

28、anewokeup.Fortunately,itseemedthattherewasahelicoptercomingatadistance.Shestoodupandwalkedtowardsthesound.Shefollowedthesoundandshouted;“Help me!Im here!”.While climbing to an open area,shewatchedahelicopter,shewavedheryellowblouseandshouted,“Hey,pleasehelpme,stop!stop!.Tohergreatjoy,thehelicopterst

29、opped.A few minutes later,she heard that there are manypeople walking to her,Eventually,Tom ran to her quickly andhugged her“Jane,Im coming!”They smiled with the tearrunningout.4.(15分分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain，Janefeltsodisappointedandlone.Noonewasherebuther,andshehadnothingwithh

30、er.Butshedidntlikebefore,shehadrealizedthatTom was thinking idea to help her.So she should keep herselfsafetytowaitforhelp.Inaddition,shemadeaplanthatsheshouldreachthelakeonthemorning.Becausethelakewasthecomplyplace.Thenshefellintoasleep.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Janealreadyhadherplansosheneeddoit

31、.Afterseveralhoursshereachedthelakeandheardthe helicopter again.She felt excited and shooked her yellowblousetomakeothersseeher.FinallyshesawTomandrushedtohimandgavehimabighug.Shasaidincry,“Ishouldntannoyyou.Ishouldntwalkawaybymyself.ImwrongandIreallyloveyou.”Tomforgaveherandfinallytheylivedinabette

32、rrelationshipthanbefore.5.(12分分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain，Janestartedshouting,Butshewastiredverymuch.Shedidnt have power to shout right away.She startedclimbingthesmallmountainafterresting.Sheheardahelicopteragain.Sheresponded.Andthen,Janeheardsomethingtoher.RightawayTomwasrunning

33、toher.Janestartedcrying,Butshewastootoyedtospeak.Tomtookherwifetohome.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Janecried,said.“Iamsorry,Tom.Imissyou.IwanttotellyouhowmuchIloveyou.Iamgrateful,Thanksforyoucanfingme.Younevergiveupme.Ishouldntwalkawayalone.”Finally,theykissed.(考生作文)（1）Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwa

34、sgettingdarkagain.Consumedbyregret,Janestoodhopelessly,startingtoblameherself.“HowcouldIbesoirresponsibletoleaveTomandwalkawayirrationally?”Janemurmured.Tearsblurredhereyesastheunspeakableanguishwrungherheart.However,allofasudden,Tomshandsomefacepoppedintohermind,whichremindedJaneofthesignificanceof

35、life.Howeverharshthepresentwas,therewasalwaysagleamofhope!Onsoberreflection,Janedeterminedtostrugglealiving.Shecamebacktothestream,dranksomewater,andwenttosleeptosaveherenergy.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Tohergreatjoy,sheheardahelicopteragain!Sherushedtoanopenarea,wavingheryellowblousefrantically.Fo

36、rtunately,thehelicopterseemedtonoticeherexistenceandflewdownwards,whichblewawaythegloomycloudshoveringoverherhead.Janejumpedwildlyintotheairofexcitement,waitingforthehelicoptertorescueher.Surprisingly,afewminuteslater,Tomgotoutofthehelicopter.HisfacecrackedintosmileashesawJanestandingthere,safeandso

37、und.Theyhuggedtightlywithtearsstreamingdowntheircheeks.Thentheygotonthehelicoptertogether,headingtothelakewhichtheywerelongingfor.Sittingontheseat,Janefeltunprecedentedcosiness.LookingatTomstwinklingeyes,shepromisedtoherselfthatshewouldneverleavehimagain.(242words)考生的典型错误：用否定造句，中式化，词性用错：I dont famil

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