201706浙江续写作文讲评.ppt

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1、201706浙江浙江续写作文写作文讲评Macsheartjumped.Hefoundouthiscanofbearspray.Withonehandonthebars,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal,andtoMacsrelief,itfellback,shakingitshead.Butaminutelater,itwasbyhissideagain.ThenitattackedthebackofMacsbike,tearingopenhistenthag.Hefiredatthewolfasecondti

2、me,andagain,itfellbackonlytoquicklyrestartthechase（追赶（追赶).Macwaspedalinghardnow.Hewavedandyelledatpassingcarsbutwascarefulnottoshowdown.Hesawasteepuphillclimbbeforehim.Heknewthatoncehehitthehill,hedbeeasycaughtupandthewolfsteethwouldbetearingintohisflesh.Atthismoment,PaulandBeckyweredrivingtheircaro

3、ntheirwaytoAlaska.Theydidntthinkmuchofitwhentheysawtwocyclistsrepairingtheirbikeonthesideoftheroad.Abitlater,theyspottedwhatthey,too,assumedwasadogrunningalongsideamanonabike.Astheygotcloser,theyrealizedthatthedogwasawolf.Macheardalargevehiclebehindhim.Hepulledinfrontofitasthewolfwascatchingupfast,j

4、ustadozenyardsawaynow.注意：注意：1.所续写短文的词数应为所续写短文的词数应为150左右；左右；2.应使用应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；3.续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好；续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好；4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。Para1:Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.评分标准评分标准1与所给短文及段落开头

5、语的与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接衔接程度程度2内容的丰富性和对内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语所标出关键词语的的应用情况应用情况3应用语法结构和词汇的应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性丰富性和准确性4上下文的上下文的连贯性连贯性A.Narration（记叙文）（记叙文）B.Argumentation（议论文）（议论文）C.Exposition（说明文）（说明文）Writingstylewho:MachisfriendsPaulandBeckywhen:onabright,warmJulyafternoonwhere:fromhishometoAlaskawhat:tookatripandadve

6、nturedwhy:enjoyedthelifea story (when,where,who,what,how)审体裁：记叙文审时态：一般过去时审前文大意以及要点what:heard,saw,fountout,fired,firedagain,pedalhard,wavedandyelledheard，pulledastory:beginning;development;ending结伴骑行结伴骑行-独自遇狼独自遇狼-奋力逃生奋力逃生逃出，感受逃出，感受TheprovidedbeginningsPara1:Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Para2:Afe

7、wminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.结伴骑行结伴骑行-独自遇狼独自遇狼-Para1：Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Whosecarwasit?Whydiditstop?HowdidMacfeel?WhatwouldMacdo?Para2：Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.Whatdidtheysee?Whatwouldtheydo?卷面；卷面；段落，字数；段落，字数；衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展故事发展准确性（

8、用词；句子结构；语法；准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？）符合情景否？）改卷经验改卷经验出现的问题出现的问题衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展故事发展准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？）符合情景否？）出现的问题出现的问题衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）衔接（与首句；两段之间；句子之间）故事发展故事发展童话式的童话式的寓言式的寓言式的无厘头式的无厘头式的戏剧式的戏剧式的出现的问题出现的问题准确性（用词；准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？）符合情景否？）1afraid;nervous;

9、frightened2catch,catchup,catchupwith3“Getintothecarquickly,man!”saidPaul.4发动汽车发动汽车5狼追我们狼追我们6汽油不够汽油不够7自行车上跳下自行车上跳下8call?/callfor?thepolice出现的问题出现的问题准确性准确性（用词；（用词；句子结构句子结构；语法；语法；符合情景否？）符合情景否？）Hesawthewolfsfacenearhim.Heusedhisfisthitthefaceofthewolfstrongly.Seeingthewolfsfacesoclosetohim,hehititwithal

10、lhisstrength/heavilyusinghisfist.出现的问题出现的问题准确性准确性（用词；句子结构；（用词；句子结构；语法语法；符合情景否？）符合情景否？）基本语法错误基本语法错误不规则动词（不规则动词（P106）though/butdangerous/indangerthanksto/thanks出现的问题出现的问题准确性准确性（用词；句子结构；语法；（用词；句子结构；语法；符合情景否？符合情景否？）1“Hey,friend!Calmdown!Jumpoutofyourbicycleandgetintoourcar!”shoutedPaul.2Afewminuteslater

11、,thepolicearrived.3妻子带着孩子过来了。妻子带着孩子过来了。4送医院去了。送医院去了。5骑自行车一会儿就到家了。骑自行车一会儿就到家了。描写恐惧描写恐惧Thoughhewassafe,hestillfeltthedreadstoppingthepassageofairtohislung,withhislegstrembling.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifeltsoscaredthatmythroattightenedandmykneesfeltweak.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifrozewithterro

12、r,tooscaredtomoveaninch.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Iwasseizedbyastrongsenseofhorrorandmypalmsweresweating.Itwasreallyamomentoflifeanddeath.Sittinginthecar,hestillfelthisheartbeatingwildly.Hesatthere,toofrightenedtoutteraword.描写恐惧描写恐惧Hesattherewithhishandstremblingforquiteawhile.Hesatthere,allwetthroughbecauseoftheextremefright.Hesatthere,hisfacetotallypale.汇报结束谢谢大家!请各位批评指正