读后续写寒冷的冬日和温暖的心 讲义-高考英语作文备考.docx

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1、It was a rough week. The price of oil skyrocketed as the temperature dropped sharply in Maine. We were looking at a high of eight degrees that week, and I had missed three days of work so my paycheck was going to be lower than normal. I was stressed, to say the least. I shopped strategically, lookin

2、g for every possible way to cut pennies so I could buy groceries and keep the house warm.My eight-year-old son didnt understand when I told him we were struggling that week. He wanted a special kind of yoghurt, but I didnt have the extra three dollars to buy it for him. It was the kind of yoghurt wi

3、th a cartoon kid riding a skateboard on the front of the box, and a mere two spoonfuls in each cup. It was the kind of product that wastes a parents money and makes me hate advertising.I felt guilty as a parent when those big eyes looked at me with confusion, as if to say，“Its just yoghurt. Whats th

4、e big deal?”So I found a way. I put something back as single mothers often do. He got his yoghurt.On the way driving back from the grocery store, I noticed a homeless man holding a sign by the side of the road. My heart hurt, and I tried not to look at him. I watched people stay away from him on the

5、 street and walk by without even meeting his eyes. My son didnt seem to care much, either. I looked at the man closely thenbare hands grasping a piece of cardboard, snot（鼻涕）frozen to his face, a worn out jacket. And there I was struggling because I had to buy oil and groceries. But I decided to help

6、. I pulled over to the man and handed him a five-dollar bill.Para 1:Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.Para 2:On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldnt have done.Paragraph 1：Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.（首段剧情由第一段和第二段提示语决定首尾。结合前情，母亲在超市给孩子买酸奶时多有犹

7、豫，但此时却如此大方，让年幼的孩子很有些困惑。第二段提示语则是孩子做出了暖心之举。所以首段剧情在母子二人间展开时，肯定会起到让孩子理解母亲举动的作用，从而激发孩子的善心善行。那么具体该如何设计呢？我的两个版本各有其侧重，也有共通之处。下面进入分句精析。）“Mom, why were you unwilling to buy me yogurt but would give a complete stranger 5 dollars? ” my son questioned.（第一句从逻辑上承接提示语，点明小男孩为何困惑，引出下文。语言上，小男孩直抒胸臆，且和前文呼应。句尾采用questione

8、d，而不是asked，避免落入俗套。有询问意味的词语还包括, inquire, grill, interrogate, demand, request等，不过使用时需要辨明词意，力求恰当。）Turning off the AC, I then rolled down the passenger side windows. Within seconds, the blustering wind began to make us shiver.（面对孩子的问题，妈妈该如何回答呢？有两种基本思路。1.可以让妈妈直接开口。但这会和上一句话构成长达数十个单词的连续的对话。连续对话说教意味浓，缺少读者参与

9、，阅读乐趣低。2.可以在妈妈说话前，插入其他要素，如动作和环境，让读者可以透过这些窥探角色的语言动机和心理，调动读者的五感，丰富阅读乐趣。此处，我才用了第二种。借助外面正在飘雪的环境特点，我首先设计让妈妈关掉空调，摇下窗户。当凌烈的风灌进来，二人都开始发抖时，妈妈再开口。尽力让孩子不只是“听有所得”，更“感同身受”。此处形容风之烈，我用了blustering，牛津这样解释bluster，“(of the wind风)to blow violently狂吹；咆哮”。）I turned to my son, “Honey, we are trying to keep the house runni

10、ng but he is struggling to survive on the street. That money makes a bigger difference to him in this brutal winter.”（此处妈妈的解释采用对比的手法。材料第一段说妈妈这周生病，且缅因这周只有华氏8度（摄氏零下13度），所以她在各处节省，以保证家的正常运转。这是第一句keep the house running.但如此冷的天，路边这个赤手的男人却可能面临着生存的挑战。所以这酷寒中，5美元对他来说比对“我们”的意义更大。以此，动之以情，晓之以理。）Hearing the words,

11、 my son gazed at the yogurt on his lap.（面对母亲的解释，孩子没有用言语回应，而是低头看去。这个动作描写丰富元素的同时，也增加了阅读乐趣。它不仅反映了孩子的心理变化，也为下文孩子的行为作出铺垫。）Paragraph 2：On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldnt have done.读后续写情节发展:此处孩子会做什么去帮助这个路人呢？比如，他是解下自己的围巾，把自己的小毯子送给他，下去给他一个拥抱，还是把自己的酸奶分给他呢？常见的续写误区之一，就是角色做出了在前文没有线索铺垫的

12、举动，无中生有。伏笔1:前文重点描写了母子二人购买酸奶的经历，所以尽管冬日里，送酸奶没送围巾和小毯子更能带来暖意，却是逻辑上更有呼应性的设计。）Determinedly, my son handed the yogurt to the man through the open window and smiled broadly, “Its for you, Sir. May my yogurt keep you warm.”（坚定地，小男孩把自己的酸奶送给了这个路人。Determinedly这个词其实很妙。这个词意思是坚定，但体现的却是人物心理的挣扎。伏笔2:前文铺垫了小男孩忽闪着大眼睛向妈妈

13、请求才得到的珍爱的酸奶，要送给别人一定多有不舍。所以此处我用了determinedly，显出孩子的不舍，但在这种不舍下的分享，才更加珍贵。小孩子的语言用smiled broadly引入，营造稚童天真可爱的形象，让人心中一暖。）The scene melted my heart.（此处我没有去写路人的反应，而是聚焦妈妈的心理描写，她的心都化了。“我说的，儿子收到了，并且做得很棒！”一种骄傲油然而生。）On our way home, my son was excited for he experienced the joy of helping others. Yet after a while

14、, he became silent on the backseat as if thinking about something.此处构造了一组反差。助人之后，感受到分享之乐的孩子很是激动，但不一会儿，他又安静了下来。读者不禁要问为什么呢？用动静之对比设置悬念，进一步增加了阅读乐趣。）It wasnt until we reached home that he broke the silence, “Mom, I now understand what struggling means. Thank you for everything.”伏笔3:在原文材料里有这么一句话，“My eight

15、-year-old son didnt understand when I told him we were struggling that week.”因为不解，所以孩子在商店里会索要那款昂贵的酸奶。因为爱，所以母亲看着孩子的大眼睛，很是愧疚，咬牙给孩子买了酸奶。妈妈过的不容易，这在我续写中母亲的语言中也有提到，所以孩子真正的成长，不仅是体会路人的困苦，还有母亲的艰难。那个他曾经听不懂的词语struggling,他懂了。所以他会感谢自己的母亲。）We then got out of the car.（情景转移，句式长短结合。原文提到母子已经开车在回家途中，经过插曲和一段时间后，他们到了。体现

16、出环境的流动性。）Holding my sons little hand in the freezing wind, I felt a wave of warmth rising from my heart.结尾升华:结尾需要善用环境描写，心理描写和对比手法。在两人下车后，冷风吹来，但妈妈牵着儿子的小手，却心里浮起一股暖流。这是孩子的理解所带来温暖，它足以抵御寒冬。）Possible version1Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.“Mom, why were you unwilling to buy me yogurt bu

17、t would give a complete stranger 5 dollars? ” my son questioned. Turning off the AC, I then rolled down the passenger side windows. Within seconds, the blustering wind began to make us shiver. I turned to my son, “Honey, we are trying to keep the house running but he is struggling to survive on the

18、street. That money makes a bigger difference to him in this brutal winter.” Hearing the words, my son gazed at the yogurt on his lap.On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldnt have done.Determinedly, my son handed the yogurt to the man through the open window and smiled broadly, “

19、Its for you, Sir. May my yogurt keep you warm.” The scene melted my heart. On our way home, my son was excited for he experienced the joy of helping others. Yet after a while, he became silent on the backseat as if thinking about something. It wasnt until we reached home that he broke the silence, “

20、Mom, I now understand what struggling means. Thank you for everything.” We then got out of the car. Holding my sons little hand in the freezing wind, I felt a wave of warmth rising from my heart.Possible version2Seeing this, my son became confused and surprised.He asked me why I gave the man money w

21、hen we were struggling ourselves. I explained to him that even though we were having a tough week, we still had a roof over our heads and food to eat. The man on the street didnt have those basic necessities.He looked at me with his big eyes, then back at the man on the street. The car was warm and

22、cozy, but outside the wind was howling and snow was falling.On that day, my son performed an act that most adults wouldnt have done.Without saying a word, he reached into the grocery bag and pulled out one of his yoghurts. He rolled down the window and handed it to the man. The man smiled and thanked him. My son beamed with pride. As we drove away, the snow stopped falling and the sun peeked through the clouds, casting a warm glow on the street. It was as if the world was reflecting the kindness and empathy that my son had shown.学科网（北京）股份有限公司