读后续写：良知和礼物讲义-高三英语写作专项.docx

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1、第二节读后续写(满分25分)阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。Jenny stared at the store window longingly( 温望地).There was nothing in this world that she wanted more than a happy Hanah doll and all that currently separated her from the hottest doll of the holiday season was a thin piece of glass and 29.95 plus tax. Unf

2、ortunately, Jenny didnt even have the 95 cents, so she let out a deep sigh and continued walking home.Suddenly,a pink rectangle in the snow caught her eye.Jenny walked over and realized it was a leather wallet .She removed it from the snow, and opened the wallet to find a thick pile of folded green

3、bills and two plastic cards .One was a credit card and the other an ID. Jenny stared at the old woman in her ID photo.The woman had a beautiful smile that reminded Jenny of her grandma.Jenny sighed and then she put the wallet into her purse.She turned around and the direction from which she came.Jen

4、nys heart beat quickly as she entered the store. She had long dreamed about this moment but something didnt feel right about its she approached a neat pile of Happy Hannah dolls, she pushed away her feelings.She grasped one Happy Hannah doll.As Jenny approached the register,the Happy Hannah Show the

5、me song began playing. It was her mobile phone. It was her grandma. In one hand she held the Happy Hannah doll and in the other she held the phone on which her grandma was calling.Jennys heart was filled with love and appreciation as she thought of her sweet old grandma. She put the doll down and pi

6、cked up the phone call.Hi Grandma?Im going to be a little bit late tonight. Ive got to drop something off.Yeah, it was good.0K .Alright. love you too.Jenny left the store and walked through the melting snow all the way to the other side of the town. She thought of her grandma as she rang the bell at

7、 301 West Street.Paragraph 1:The woman who answered the door had been crying recently and looked upset anaanxiousParagraph 2:The woman took the wallet smilingly第一个环节：确定文章的要素Characters:人：JennyJennys grandmaAn old woman物：A lost wallet (包括：credit card and ID)A Happy Hannah DollFeelings:How did Jennys e

8、motion change? (list all the reasons)这个我不再赘述，实践中应该画一个图的。第二个环节：确定文章的Theme现在确定Theme了：主人公克服诱惑，拾金不昧。（overcome the temptation, return the wallet to its owner）这个主题是不难得出的，因为所给两句都给出了，难就难在：如何通过文章列出的要素去体现主题？如果不顾及文章要素去写文，其实不难，但如果要写出一篇精致的续写就要思考：Why did the author mention her Grandma?What do you know about the s

9、entence: Something didnt feel right?Did Jenny get her doll at last?这三个问题很有思考的价值，我班学生很多最后把grandma写没了，那文章中老提她不是多余的吗？肯定不是，请把所有关于grandma的句子串联起来思考。第二个问题是作者的内心转变的开始点：her conscience第三个问题可以有多个答案，学生一般都是：失主给她钱，然后她去买自己的礼物；或者失主给她买礼物；或者Grandpa给她买礼物。这些都可以，但是我认为还有一个更好的选择：Jenny看到失主的开心，并且看到她的钱能救急，觉得这就是她收到的最好的礼物了，她的精

10、神受到了洗礼。如果确定了主题，就要学会把文章的要素作为伏笔在不同的地方埋下，前后照应。聪明的学生会充分考虑到这点。我按照我的方案，是这样做的：在第一段说明这个钱本身就是为了捐给慈善组织的；第二段老人说，孩子们终于有福了。但我觉得不过瘾，又加了一个伏笔：老人说Jenny是一个天使。这个为结尾埋下伏笔。这样你会发现这个文章就是一个很精致的小说了，环环相扣，前后照应，无一处不围绕主题。确定两段概要：第一段：Jenney认人、失主解释、Jenny告知钱包并递给她。第二段：失主感谢、Jenney开心、回家The woman who answered the door had been crying re

11、cently and looked upset and anxious.“Are you Mrs. Green?” Jenny asked politely, recognizing her from the ID card instantly.(这一句只有极个别同学能写好，很多都是写Jenny问：Whats the matter with you? May I help you?作为一个陌生人，敲门后第一句应该是确定对方是不是她要找的人，直入主题容易推进故事发展。)Mrs. Green nodded in confusion and let her come in.(切换到Mrs. Gree

12、n，根据生活常识，应该是困惑。本段由于情节非常简单，而且基本是对话，就要学会把对话转换掉。)“Madam, did you lose something?” Jenny continued and asked some necessary questions.（再次切换，符合Action-Response原则）“I lost my wallet with the money to buy gifts for some poor children.” The old lady blurted out at last, her eyes rounding in surprise and spark

13、ling with hope.（此时不露声色地把老人的钱的用途说出来Overcome with guilt, Jenny felt her face burning and handed the wallet to her. Thank God, she would have disappointed those kids.(这一段的心里描写很有必要的，和前文的愧疚照应，同时说明了Jenney是多么深刻认识到自己的以前的做法的不对。最后虚拟语气也是用的恰当，实际上虚拟语气在记叙文中很常见，一般刻画人物的后悔惭愧或庆幸)The woman took the wallet smilingly.Sh

14、e held it to her chest tightly and then hugged Jenny, tears streaming down her face.（承接上文，同时刻画她的心理）“You are the real angel. No one knows what the wallet means to the children.” She sobbed in gratitude.（写失主的感激的同时，不忘记埋下伏笔）Jennys soft heart was touched because her grandma often called her angel.(这一句也是照

15、应文章中说的，她想起了grandma的笑容)That night, she darted across the street, the creaking of snow echoing in the air.（环境的描写衬托她的开心，画面感十足：月夜下，一个女生飞奔在回家的路上，脚下传来吱吱呀呀声。有没有必要写老人邀请她吃东西等等？要看主题了。有时能否学会省略是高手和初学者的分水岭。初学者总想面面俱到，生怕漏掉一个，导致文章婆婆妈妈的。记叙文有个重要技能就是：停顿和跳跃）How eager she was to tell her grandma that today she got a pre

16、sent more meaningful than Hannah dollShe was a real angel!（小女儿此时只想赶快告诉grandma：我是真正的天使啦！此句把她的可爱、纯洁刻画得惟妙惟肖。笔者写这类文章比较容易动感情，因为我也有一个可爱的女儿，每次写小女孩，我总会情不自禁想起女儿的一言一行，每一句看似是虚拟，但其实都是我的生活的再现。）完整的：The woman who answered the door had been crying recently and looked upset and anxious.“Are you Mrs. Green?” Jenny as

17、ked politely, recognizing her from the ID card instantly. Mrs. Green nodded in confusion and let her come in. “Madam, did you lose something?” Jenny continued and asked some necessary questions. “I lost my wallet with the money to buy gifts for some poor children.” The old lady blurted out at last,

18、her eyes rounding in surprise and sparkling with hope. Overcome with guilt, Jenny felt her face burning and handed the wallet to her. Thank God, she would have disappointed those kids.The woman took the wallet smilingly.She held it to her chest tightly and then hugged Jenny, tears streaming down her

19、 face. “You are the real angel. No one knows what the wallet means to the children.” She sobbed in gratitude. Jennys soft heart was touched because her grandma often called her angel. That night, she darted across the street, the creaking of snow echoing in the air. How eager she was to tell her grandma that today she got a present more meaningful than Hannah dollShe was a real angel! (172 words)学科网（北京）股份有限公司