读后续写练习写作指导：林中探险火海迷途+讲义 高三英语复习写作专项.docx

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1、读后续写练习写作指导：林中探险，火海迷途 讲义续写题目读后续写 阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。Brady was a recently retired search and rescue dog. He was not happy and missed his owner Al because Al had gone out on a rescue mission without him. Als nephew Steve took Brady along when he and his friend Zach went on a overnight hike.B

2、ut suddenly Steve and Zach smelled something burning and they realized that lightning had set the woods on fire. Wind-blown flame had leaped from the top of one tree to another. The long dry summer had turned the forest into a tinderbox(火绒箱) and the thunderstorm wasnt helping much. It had more wind

3、and lightning than rain.Zach pulled Steves arm. “Lets go! We can make it back to the river we crossed today.” Steve pulled Bradys leash（皮带） and their heads down against the strong fire-wind, they hurried down the path they had followed earlier. The air was full of smoke，and pine branches broke from

4、burning trees with a crisp sound. Steve kept his eyes on the route. All they had to do was to make it down to the river.Brady barked a sharp warning. Ahead of them lay a dense curtain of smoke across the path. Theyd never make it through that. They would have to find another escape route. The dog wa

5、s pulling at his leash trying to draw them away from the smoke. This was what Brady was trained to do, and yet Steve was uneasy. It seemed to him they were moving away from the river.Brady lifted his head and smelled the smoky wind. Suddenly, the dog ran away and disappeared. The boys yelled and sho

6、uted for him，but he didnt come back.They had no choice but to leave him behind. Heartsick, Steve and Zach went up aslope（斜坡）. He couldnt blame Brady for panicking and escaping. He himself wanted to run even though he didnt have a clue which way. They hadnt gone far when there was a familiar bark, an

7、d Brady came running toward him.Paragraph1：“Whereve you been?” Steve cried.Paragraph 2：Brady led them back down the slope and into the trees.续写答案Paragraph1：“Whereve you been?” Steve cried.The smoke had darkened his skin and the roaring flames below rendered his voice almost indistinguishable. Brady

8、seemed to understand that they had no time to waste. Nipping Steves pants, he started pulling. Seeing the direction he was aiming at, both Zach and Steve hesitated. Meanwhile, the fire, exacerbated by the wind, was growing bigger and jumping closer. Looking at each other in the eye, they decided to

9、trust Brady and act with speed.Paragraph 2：Brady led them back down the slope and into the trees.Having covered their mouth and nose with damped towels, they braved through the ashes. Yet, the ordeal seemed never ending. At the moment when their blurred vision and leaden legs threatened to fail, sud

10、denly a familiar babble penetrated the dense smoke. As they stumbled ahead, the trees became sparse and finally gave way to a silvery ribbon. After carefully crossing the river, Zach and Steve fell beside their furry friend, who had left them in despair but returned with hope.续写逐句精析Paragraph1：“Where

11、ve you been?” Steve cried.（首段续写根据提示语决定首尾。第一句说，“Steve叫道，“你去哪儿了？”第二句说，“Brady带着他们返回坡下，进入林中。”那么第一段的结尾自然是“人决定相信狗，向坡下逃生”。通过逻辑倒退，前一环应是，“狗的行为释放去坡下的信号”。这中间，狗是如何传递信息？人又是如何被“说服”的呢？下面进入分句精析。）The smoke had darkened his skin and the roaring flames below rendered his voice almost indistinguishable.（“浓烟熏黑了Steve的皮肤，

12、且剧烈燃烧的火焰让他的声音几乎听不清楚。”首段提示语以问题形式出现，但第一句我没有写Brady的反应，而是先描写了Steve此时的状态，同时烘托出火势的严峻。这句话有两处语言上的思考：1.火情借助浓烟和声音来凸显，表达自然且合理，避免与下文直接描写火焰重复；2. Render his voice indistinguishable.用词清新准确，且听不清楚说话的声音，也为下文不设计对话做出合理铺垫。）Brady seemed to understand that they had no time to waste.（“Brady似乎理解已经没有时间可浪费了。”拟人化处理Brady，塑造出符合原

13、文“retired search and rescue dog退役的搜救犬”的聪颖形象，为Brady成功带领Steve和Zach逃生做铺垫。此外，强调情况紧急，也铺垫了Brady下一步的直接行动。）Nipping Steves pants, he started pulling.（nip:牛津pinch, squeeze, or bite sharply: e.g.the dog nipped him on the leg.此处形容Brady咬住Steve裤子的动作，分外恰当，又比bite清新。其次，Brady的动作也解答了上面的问题“狗如何传递信息？”动作符合读者对dog的行为预期，增强了文

14、章的互动性和阅读的沉浸感。）Seeing the direction he was aiming at, both Zach and Steve hesitated.（“看到“他”扯动的方向，两人都犹豫了。首先是人称代词的选取he指代Brady, the dog符合原文用法。续写过程中涉及到动物时，特别要注意的一点。其次，为什么这句话不直接说Brady扯动的方向，而要绕一个弯呢？其实是有原因的：读者阅读到第二段提示语时将会得知具体方向信息，此处在不影响剧情的情况下，既避免语言上的重复，又可以保留一层悬念。最后，当读者继续阅读，得知Brady提示他们往坡下撤离时，回头过来看hesitated又能

15、有一重惊喜。为什么他们会犹豫？因为原文中Steve和Zach是在火海中迷路后，专门跑到坡上的。由此可推理出，坡下火情当更加严重，所以面对Brady的提示才会不决。这句话描写的人物反应，符合原文剧情和人物特点。）Meanwhile, the fire, exacerbated by the wind, was growing bigger and jumping closer.（那么犹豫之下，又是什么迫使他们做出决定的呢？“与此同时，被风浪煽动的火海正越变越大，越跳越近。”Grow和jump赋予火海生命力。面对步步紧逼的火焰，向坡下成功撤离的可能越来越小，决定必须做出了。Exacerbate：牛

16、津make (a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling) worse符合此处干风助燃的情形，用词准确。）Looking at each other in the eye, they decided to trust Brady and act with speed.（“两人对视一眼，决定相信Brady并立刻还是行动。”这段话中，Steve, Zach, Brady，smoke, flame, voice两人一狗，嗅觉，视觉，听觉轮番上阵，人物、动物与环境交错出镜，共同营造出故事的互动性和阅读沉浸感。至此，首段结束。）Paragraph 2：Br

17、ady led them back down the slope and into the trees.（第二段聚焦Steve, Zach, Brady的逃亡之路。根据原文提示，“All they had to do was to make it down to the river.”逃生的终点应是Steve, Zach, Brady来时渡过的河流。那么这条河流何时出现？如何出现？第二段剧情设计，又该如何体现Steve一行所遇到的挑战，赋予环境生命力，以及设计一个能概括全文，升华主题的结尾？下面进入分句精析。）Having covered their mouth and nose with d

18、amped towels, they braved through the ashes.（这句话有三重设计思考：1.原文中这样铺垫火情，“Ahead of them laya dense curtain of smokeacross the path.”那么这一行逃生时，为避免因滚滚浓烟窒息，用打湿的毛巾捂住口鼻是合理且必要的行为。2. brave：牛津endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear用brave替换常用的struggle，在此处不仅恰当，且更能体现人物的心理。3. through t

19、he ashes.一场森林大火，不仅有浓烟，火焰，树枝断裂的声音，还有无处不在的灰烬。不断丰富的火场细节，让故事的真实性更上一层。）Yet, the ordeal seemed never ending.（但逃出生天怎可能如此简单？ordeal：牛津a painful or horrific experience, especially a protracted one在身体的所有器官都受到火海折磨，逃生显得分外漫长的此刻，用ordeal格外恰当。）At the moment when their blurred vision and leaden legs threatened to fai

20、l, suddenly a familiar babble penetrated the dense smoke.（根据读后续写温暖人心地写作原则，最终Steve一行肯定要成功逃生，抵达来时的河流。那么这条河流该何时出现，又如何出现呢？“就在他们模糊的视线和灌了铅的腿试图罢工之时，突然，一阵熟悉的潺潺穿透了浓密的烟雾。”这句话有三重巧思：1.剧情上。于绝境绽放的花朵分外惊艳。象征着希望的河流出现在Steve一行精疲力尽，到达极限的时刻，更显故事张力。2.语言上，用blurred vision and leaden legs体现Steve一行的身体状态，更精准。他们虽然用湿毛巾捂住口鼻，但眼睛却

21、暴露在外，浓烟必定刺痛眼睛，余烬必然模糊视线。其次，黑暗中的林中穿越对众人体力也是一种考验，所以此处用leaden legs，不明说主角们exhausted,但那种拖着腿，靠意志向前的画面，自然呈现。3.感官上。在视线模糊之际，不远处的河流尚未出现在视野中，但流水声已穿透浓雾，送来希望。该无灵主语句在调动视觉、体感之外，再次调动听觉，让阅读更有沉浸感，亦赋予河流生命力。）As they stumbled ahead, the trees became sparse and finally gave way to a silvery ribbon.（此时，Steve一行尚在林中，故力竭下，黑暗中

22、的前行，跌跌撞撞。随着他们前进，林中树木渐疏，直至一条银色的丝带现身眼前。这句话中，林木稀疏的细节让故事真实性进一步加强，但最妙的却是借用银色对河流的隐喻。语言的灵动和意境在此句达到顶峰。）After carefully crossing the river, Zach and Steve fell beside their furry friend, who had left them in despair but returned with hope.（“小心翼翼跨过河流，将火海抛在身后。Steve和Zach终于抑不住疲倦，倒在他们毛茸茸的朋友身旁。他曾于绝望时离开，但回来时却带他们抵达希望的“彼岸”。学科网（北京）股份有限公司