《老友记》第一季中英文对照剧本121 The One With The Fake Monica.docx

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1、121假莫妮卡怎有人知道你的信用卡号码？ 我也不知道你看他们花了多少钱摩妮卡，冷静一下好吗？ 信用卡的人说你只须付你所买的东西 我知道，他真是挥霍无度 我想他偷去你的信用卡时 根本就已忘了王法 真是个变态花了 6995元买神奇拖把” 我买的真的，它又来马修，别再侵犯那盏灯了 马修，回来不，又到我房里了 我去抓它出来 罗斯，你得想办法阻止 什么？这只是个阶段 我们当时也是这么说乔伊的 你们冷静点行吗？这又没什么了不起 马修，停，坏猴子 又怎么了？我只能说我的好奇乔治玩偶不再好奇 摩妮卡，你还是无法释怀 这女人过着我的生活 什么？她过着我的生活 而且过得比我好，看 她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏 她买

2、的衣服是我早就想买的 她花了三百块买艺术用品 你又不是艺术家 如果有艺术用品 我或许已是个艺术家我本来可以的，只是现在不是 导演：盖尔曼库索摩妮卡，别泄气 你做的工作很酷 真的?我们来做比较，好吗？ 现在说“好吗“有点太迟了 我到过公园骑马吗？ 我在新学校上过课吗？ 没有这太不公平了121 The One With The Fake MonicaScene: Monica and Rachefs, everyone is looking at papers.Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?Monica:

3、 I have no idea. But look how much they spent!Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.Monica: I know. Its just such reckless spending.Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, theyve kind of already thrown cau

4、tion to the wind.Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.Monica: Thats me.Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he,s doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachefs roo

5、m) come here, Marcel-Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! Ill get him.Monica: Ross, youve got to do something about the humping.Ross: What? Its, its just a phase.Chandler: Well, thats what we said about Joey.Ross: Would you all relax? It*s not that big a deal.Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad mon

6、key!Ross: What?Rachel: Lets just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.Opening CreditsScene: Monica and Rachefs, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.Monica: This womans living my life.R

7、achel: What?Monica: Shes living my life, and shes doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that Im intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.Rachel: Youre not an artist.Monica: Y

8、eah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I dont.Rachel: Oh, Monica, cmon, you do cool things.Monica: Oh really? Okay, let*s compare, shall we.Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, its so late for Shall we.Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at t

9、he New School?Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo.Monica: This is so unfair! Shes got everything I want, and she doesnt have my mother.Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names. Chandler: How about Joey. Pepponi?Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name thats more n

10、eutral.Chandler: Joey. Switzerland?(The waitress brings their coffee.)Joey: Plus, yknow, I think it should be Joe. Yknow, Joey makes me sound like Im, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which Im not.Chandler: Joe. Joe. Joe.Stalin?Joey: Stalin.Stalin.do I know that name? It sounds famil

11、iar.Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Yknow, thats pretty good.Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.(Joey visibly thinks *Of course!1 and writes it down.)Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think youd remember that!Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Sta

12、lin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.Scene: Monica and Rachefs, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter. Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Hey.Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe Fm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.Phoebe: What ar

13、e you doing?Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) Im going to tap class.Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?Monica: This woman*s got my life, I should get to see who she is.Rachel: Go to the post office! Fm sure her pictures up

14、! .Okay, Monica, yknow what, honey, youre kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.Phoebe: This is madness. Its madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, dont do it! .Thank you.Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.|Monica: What dyou

15、 think?Phoebe: Lotsa things.(They go in and sit down.)Rachel: Which one do you think she is?(The teacher comes up to them.)Teacher: May I help you?Monica: Oh, no thanks, weYe just here to observe.Teacher: You dont observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.Rachel: Wha

16、t does she mean?Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) You dance a dance class*. Oh, cmon, cmon. (They put on some spare shoes)Monica: Okay, dysee anybody you think could be me?Teacher: (To the class) People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Lets not have th

17、at happen again!Rachel: She could be you.(Music starts)Teacher: Lets get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight.(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)Monica: Okay, Fm not getting this!她拥有我想要的一切而且她没有我妈乔依帕波尼如何？不好，太有种族意味了我的经纪人认为我该取个中立一点的名字乔伊瑞士？而且，我应该就是乔乔伊让我感觉这么大我不是乔乔斯大林？斯大林，我认识这名字吗？

18、听得很熟悉.我没印象乔斯大林，这名字很好或许你想试试乔瑟夫乔瑟夫斯大林我好像记得这个名字“别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫斯大林主演”屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫史达林 对，我是摩妮卡格勒 我想有在你们那里上课 我想知道是哪些课 你在干什么？ 太好了，谢谢 我要去上踢踏舞课 这样你就可以和偷你信用卡的人一起上课？这女人偷走了我的生活我应该去看看她是何方神圣去邮局看我想她的照片会公布的摩妮卡，你有点失去理智了你被这件事所完全操控这叫疯狂上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做谢谢你们怎么认为？很多你认为是哪一个？我能帮你们什么吗？我们是来参观的舞蹈课不是参观来的舞蹈课来跳舞的那儿有舞鞋什么意思？我想她是叫我们进去跳真的？好吧P

19、hoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) Fm totally getting it!Monica: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated?(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)Rachel: What? You just click when they click.Teacher: Alright people, n

20、ow everyone grab a partner.(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. Im with Rachel.Monica: Great. Its gym class all over again.Phoebe and Rachel: Aww.Teacher: Well thats all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me

21、.Monica: Why dont I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)Woman: Its okay, its okay, Im here, Im here. Sorry Im late, okay, here I am. Whos the new tense girl?Te

22、acher: Shes your partner.Woman: Hi. Tm Monica.Monica: Oh. Monica! .Hi. Em Mo- .nana.Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana?Monica: Yeah. Its Dutch.Fake Monica: Youre kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.Teacher: And were dancing. A-five, six,

23、seven, eight.Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.Ross: (Mortified) Hi.Chandler and Joey: Hey.Joey: Whereve you been?Ross: At the vet.Chandler: She*s not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?Ross: She says Marcels humping things not a phase. Apparently hes reached sexual matur

24、ity.Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.Ross: She says as time goes on, hes gonna start getting agressive and violent.Chandler: So what does this mean?Ross: Im gonna have to give him up.Commercial BreakScene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three Monk

25、eys.Joey: I cant believe it, Ross. This sucks!Chandler: I dont get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, hes this little thing, and before you know it, hes this little thing I cant get off my leg.Joey: Isnt there any way you can keep him?

26、Ross: No, no. The vet says unless hes in a place where he has regular access to some. monkey lovin, hes just gonna get vicious. Ive just gotta get him into a zoo.Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?有看见我的分身吗？各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶 希望别再发生那种事她可能是你开始吧我跟不上我完全融人你不会觉得自己有时毫无协调感吗？怎么了？只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了各位找个舞伴我死去的妈说

27、就是你我和瑞秋这下可好体育课的旧事又重演了无所谓，你过来和我一起跳我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦？没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到我来了那个紧张的新人是谁？你的舞伴我叫摩妮卡摩妮卡我叫摩娜娜摩娜娜？对，是荷兰人的名字你在开玩笑吧我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年我是宾州的荷兰人开始吧你上哪儿去了我刚从兽医回来她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧？她说马修乱性不是暂时的显然它已性成熟嘿,它找过你呢她说它会越来越暴力侵略性越强这代表什么？我们不能再养它了我真不敢相信，这真是太扯了我不懂，你才刚养它它怎会突然性成熟？我知道，之前它只是个小东西不知不觉中它就紧抓住我的腿不放你没有任何办法再饲养它吗？没办法她说除非有个地方让它获得正常的猴爱

28、它会变得愈来愈残暴Chandler: I know that one! .No, that*s Popes into a Volkswagen.Ross: Well, were applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y*know, like, uh, San Diego. right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, yknow, he*s out of state. Uh, my vet

29、, uh, knows someone at Miami, so thats a possibility.Chandler: Yeah, but thats like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, its a total party zoo.(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.Chandler: What?Joey: Did you call the cops?Rachel: Nope. We took her to l

30、unch.Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. Shes a stealer.Monica: Y*know what? After youre with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spi

31、rit.Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.Chandler: .Take off their hats!Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagenl .I love that joke.Scene: Monica and Rachefs, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there. Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.Monica: It was

32、 so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that were, yknow, short and have breasts.Monica: .They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!Rachel: Go

33、 Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I dont know. Dont wait up. (Exits)Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow were auditioning for a Broadway show.Monica: Scuse me?Fake Monica: Theres an open call for Cats. Fm thinking we go down there,

34、sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?Monica: Nononononono. Think who youre dealing with here. I mean, Fm not like you. I-I cant even stand in front of a tap class.Fake Monica: Well, thats just probably cause of your Amish background. Monica: What?Fake Monica: Well, youre P

35、ennsylvania Dutch, right?Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poetsr Society!Monica: Uh-huh.我得将它送到动物园你如何把它送进动物园？我知道不，那是教皇进入福斯汽车我们到处申请当然大型州立动物园是优先考虑比方说圣地牙哥动物园

36、那可能只是遥不可及的梦想因为它在加州兽医说她认识迈阿密的朋友或许有可能那儿似乎离海滩只有两条街一定是个疯狂动物园我们找到她了你们喊警察了吗？没有，我们和她吃午餐你们自己的”自治正义”你疯了？那女人偷了你的东西她是个小偷和这女人相处十分钟后你就会把这些全忘了她简直是奇女子振奋人心她可能是从某位啦啦队队员那儿偷来的脱下他们的帽子福斯车上的教皇我喜欢这个笑话不可能，你不可能这么做摩娜娜相当勇敢真是太疯狂了我说我们是615房的冈氏姐妹结果波士顿塞尔提克已包下整个六楼他们知道我们又矮又有胸部时他们就把我们轰出来我被轰出饭店，我干得好，摩娜娜不是只有你们活在梦中我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡不用等我了对了，明

37、天我们耍去参加百老汇的试演什么？“猫”剧还有一个缺额我想我们可以去唱回忆让自己当个傻子，如何？不，记得你身旁的人是谁我和你不一样我连站在踢踏舞教室前都有困难因为你有阿米许的血统Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly. boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he cant be in the play? What was that?! Its like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do so

38、me community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, Now, thats two hours of my life that Fm never getting back.1 And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.什么？你不是宾州荷兰人吗？对，直到我买了吹风机被逐出村里 我过去也和你一样有一天我看了出改变我人生的电影 看过春风化雨吗？ 我认为这电影实在是太 无聊了那孩子在电影的结局时自杀 只因他无法演出话剧？ 这是在干什

39、么？他再等一年离家，到社区话剧团去 走出电影院时我想 我这逝去两小时的生命 永远不再回这想法震惊了我 从此我便及时行乐 那么我不敢推荐”窈充奶爸”了 上帝我们进不了斯克兰顿了 那是我们最后的选择 他们连狗和牛都收 我不懂是我还是它比较难受 我想应该椅子最可怜 马修不乖，为何没人要它？ 一定有人会要的 早就有人叫乔瑟夫斯大林了 开什么玩笑显然他是屠杀各种民族的俄国独裁者 你怎么会不知道是啊菲此你认为我该取什么艺名？ 火焰男孩你的动物园在哪儿？就技术上而言不算是动物园 而是一种互动式野生动物体验 我想请教你几个问题 我想请教你几个问题 它会和其他动物打架吗？ 不会的，它非常温驯 如果被逼进角落里去

40、时呢？ 我不知道，干嘛问？ 它掌控小东西的能力为何？ 它会拿香蕉如果你是这意思的话 铁槌或小刀呢？ 为什么？为何要小刀？ 面对狮虎或有角的动物 你得拿些东西给它自我防卫 否则就太残忍了Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.Scene: Monica and Rachefs, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didnt get into Sc

41、ranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I dont know who this is harder on, me or him.Phoebe: Id say that chairs taking the brunt.Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?Rachel: Oh, somebody will.Joey: (entering) You kn

42、ow there already is a Joseph Stalin?Chandler: Youre kidding.Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people.Youd think you wouldVe known that!Chandler: Yknow, youd think I wouldve.Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?Phoebe: .Flame Boy.Scene:

43、Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?Dr. Baldhara: Well, its technically not a zoo per se, it*s more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?Ross: Yes.Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with oth

44、er animals?Ross: No-no, hes, hes very docile.Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were. cornered?Ross: Well I, I dont know. Why?Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?Ross: He can hold a banana, if thats whatcha mean.Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?Ross: Why- why- why would he

45、need a blade?Dr. Baldhara: Well, if hes up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, youve got to give the little guy something. Otherwise its just cruel.(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.Joey: We, we come back from our walk

46、 and the- the phone was ringing.Chandler: .He*s in.Ross: Hes in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!Dr. Baldhara: Youre making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diegos all well and good, but if you give him to me, Fil start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of

47、 the gains.Scene: Monica and Rachels, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.Monica: Yo- hooo!Rachel: Where the helVve you been?Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.Rachel: Are you drunk?!Monica: Noooo! (